Breakdown 9-14-23 #1
{{ Monday, July 17
Harvey, LA
Amy's home }}
Amy watches the door close behind Simon as he walks out. When he'd called asking to come over to talk, she wanted to say no, and Wyatt definitely wanted her to say no.... but she was curious. What exactly the man who shattered every bit of trust she had in him had to say for himself? Against Wyatt's 'advice' Amy agreed. The conversation now over, Amy is in a state of flux. She has no idea what to think or how to to feel about what was just said.
Simon is in love with her. Still. From four years ago all the way up to today. Amy leans back into the couch, pulling her legs up, wrapping her arms around her knees. Maybe if she made herself as small as possible, she might not feel so much static. There was a time when hearing that would have been a good thing, a great thing. Maybe she would have admitted to feeling the same way. But that was before Simon lied. Before Simon manipulated her into believing everyone involved was okay with it. Before Simon broke the most fragile thing Amy has – her trust.
Hearing it today? Only stabs her in the heart even more. It's just another layer to what she could have had, thought she had, until the lies came to light. Amy scoffs at herself, she knows even she isn't immune to that. Eventually Wyatt – and everyone else – would notice the change in her. How she seemed exhausted some days for no discernible reason (because the liquor wouldn't let her sleep), the way she'd get irritable over minor things (the times when she wanted that numb feeling but couldn't get away). Wyatt had already caught her with a drink in her hand, so he was already suspicious and more observant. Amy had promised him she'd get this under control, and she tried. But too much had fallen on her shoulders in a short period of time.
Jason? Gone. Annie? Dead. Simon? Betrayal.
And worst of all, Amy still had to work with him every day. At the Academy and with SCW. Putting on a front to the students and the locker room that nothing was wrong between them was chipping away at her sanity, every day. The crack came the day Amy found out Annie was murdered. It hadn't taken long for old habits to reinstate themselves.
This fall is the hardest and fastest downward spiral Amy had ever suffered – she knew that. But she couldn't stop it.
Simon's visit did nothing to help matters. In fact, Amy thinks as she unfolds herself from the ball she was sitting in and gets up, the only thing that will help right now is that bottle in her desk drawer. She might lie or hide things from everyone else every day these days, but she couldn't lie to herself. She wanted – no, needed – that numbness only the alcohol could bring. It was the only thing strong enough to turn off the static.
In her office, Amy closes the door as usual, but doesn't lock it, because no one else is home. Loki had spent the weekend at a friend's house and wasn't home yet. Amy grabs the bottle of amaretto from the bottom drawer hiding spot, then sinks herself into the old couch under the bay window. It was in this very spot, about seven years ago, where Amy had almost died. She'd mixed alcohol and hydrocodone, not knowing any better, and had an OD event. She didn't touch that drug anymore, but the alcohol? Amy swirls the amber liquid around in the half-full bottle. She still has this. The medicine for her nerves.
Amy drinks straight from the bottle, as she turns on the small stereo on the bookshelf. A CD was inside, and a song plays from the middle...
“What's wrong with me and you is crystal clear...
Sometimes I'm in a room where I don't belong
And the house is on fire and there's no alarm
And the walls are melting too
How about you?”
Amy shakes her head to herself, it was like the universe knew the mood she was in and made this song come on just for her.
“I've never been the favorite, thought I'd seen it all
'Til I got my invitation to the lunatic ball
And my friends are comin' too
How about you?
Don't worry, it's all just a symptom of being human”
Amy sips as she listens to the song play through. When it's over, she presses the repeat button on the remote. Maybe if she concentrated on the music she wouldn't finish this bottle....
Suddenly, Amy sits up, something having woken her up. She didn't even know she fell asleep. Looking down, she grins at what woke her. Her dog Star is sitting in front of her, tail wagging. She licks Amy's hand excitedly.
“Hey girl. I'm awake now. Thank you.” Amy scratches under Star's chin. Amy then realizes the CD was still playing the song she had set to repeat...
“Unpack all your baggage,
hide it in the attic where,
you hope it disappears
This all seems so familiar
But it doesn't feel like home
Its just another unknown”
Amy grabs the remote and presses stop before the chorus begins again. Looking around, she finds the bottle on the floor, close to empty.
“Fuck...” She starts to get up, and her head swirls. She sits back down hard. “Fuck!” Looking at he clock, Amy sees it's quarter til noon. Her stomach sinks as she knows this means two things. One, she'd sat here listening to this song and drinking for nearly three hours and fallen asleep at some point. And two... Wyatt would be home for his two-hour lunch break soon.
“I can't let him find me like this....”
Getting up slowly this time, Amy grabs her phone from her desk and fires off a text. There's only one place she could go like this – pay a visit to the last outside lover she had, Travis.
[“Hey... feel like company?”]
He replied almost immediately: [“When its you, always.”]
[“See you soon.”]
Amy then sends another text, to Wyatt.
[“Going to Travis' place for a while. That okay?”]
Another almost immediate reply: [“It's fine. Have fun.”]
Good. Moving as fast as she could without making her head swim, Amy goes upstairs, brushes her teeth, and changes into something better. Within five minutes she's ready to leave, but first she grabs two things from the kitchen. A bottle of water, to hopefully help her drive safely to Travis' apartment, and the black water bottle that had her OJ and amaretto mix inside. Everyone in the house knew what it was, and Amy knew Wyatt and Loki pretended to not notice. Every time she grabs it, she expects it to be emptied. It never is.
* * * * *
Fifteen minutes later, Amy parks near Travis' apartment. She drains the rest of the water before getting out of her Jeep and going to the door, water bottle in hand. She had warned Travis that she was not in good shape and needed to be somewhere other than home for a while. He'd said he didn't mind, he accepted and cared for all of her, even the not so perfect parts. She warned him again, he was really going to see all of her, a side most people never do. He replied that was okay with him, but Amy knew he really wasn't prepared for this. She almost felt bad for bringing herself to him like this, but she had no choice. She couldn't let Wyatt find her drunk at home again.
Amy knocks on the door, and Travis opens it immediately. He must have been waiting for her.
“Hey you.”
“Hey yourself.”
Amy walks inside and goes straight to the couch. Travis closes the door and turns, eyeing her curiously.
“What you got there?” He gestures to her drink bottle. She holds it up, shaking it a little.
“Oh, this? This is why I had to leave my house. I... well, I basically fucked up.” Travis goes over and sits next to her as she talks. “I had a visitor this morning, he fucked with my head and my mood, and I made it go away.”
“So... you drank?” Travis knew Amy had been off the wagon for a while, she'd had drinks with him a few weeks prior. He had no idea how bad it was for her though. He was about to find out.
“I did. A lot. I'm not supposed to be doing that, you see. And Wyatt always goes home for lunch. And...” She shakes her head, and drinks from the water bottle. “And I couldn't be there like this.”
Travis notes Amy's change in cadence in her speech; he'd heard the switch once before, when she spent the night and they drank together. He knew she was out of it.
“Wait... did you drive here?” There was concern in his voice.
“Yeah... it was fine, I know what I'm doing. I'm well practiced at it.”
“You do know how dangerous that is? I could have picked you up.”
“Too late now.” Amy grins. “So, what do you think? I warned you. I'm a mess.”
“I think... you're gonna stay here a few hours til that wears off. Maybe you should eat something. I have-”
“No, no. I'm not hungry. I'm really not even thirsty, but...” Amy shrugs as she sips. Travis reaches over and takes the water bottle from her hand.
“Let's just put this down for a minute, okay?” Amy nods. “I'm gonna get you some water.” Amy nods again. Travis quickly goes to his kitchen and returns with a bottled water. He opens it before handing it to Amy. She takes a large swig.
“Thank you.”
Siting back down, Travis eyes Amy with concern again. “What exactly put you in this mood? You said you had a visitor?”
Amy twists the lid back onto the bottle tightly, then sets it down on the side table with a thud.
“I really don't want to talk about it. I came here to forget about it. You can help me do that, right?” She grins in what she thinks is a flirtatious way. To Travis it just looks like bad acting. But, he makes a decision. Anything he could do to keep her here and off the road for a few hours, as well as burn off the effects, he would do. He smiles.
“You know I can.”
“I just need you to promise me one thing. It's very important.” Travis nods, waiting for the request. “You can't tell Wyatt about this. Me, here, like this.”
“He doesn't know you came here?” Travis was well versed in the rules of how Amy and Wyatt's relationship worked; they were supposed to tell each other when they were with someone.
“He knows I'm here. He doesn't know I'm fucked up. Please. Promise me.”
Travis hesitates a second, then nods. “Okay.”
“Thank you. Now... about that making me forget things...” Amy leans forward, and Travis meets her halfway in a kiss. Amy never noticed that Travis only said 'okay'... he never said the word 'promise.'
Many hours later, late evening, Amy finally leaves Travis' apartment. They'd had sex, eaten lunch, Amy slept a long time, then they had dinner and talked. Mostly about wrestling. Anything to keep Amy from thinking about what had set her off. On the drive home, a now-sober Amy hopes that Wyatt wouldn't have any idea why she randomly decided to see Travis on a Monday. She also hopes that Travis keeps his mouth shut. Amy gets home at half past eleven, and it turns out she didn't have to worry about Wyatt at all. He wasn't home. She then remembered he had texted her earlier to say he was going to Bonnie's. Amy said okay and promptly forgot. All the better now though. She takes a hot shower and climbs into bed, asking the gods for sleep.
{{ Thursday, July
Harvey, LA
Amy's home ))
It's nearly 11 AM when Amy wakes up. She groans when she grabs her phone and sees the time. She hadn't meant to sleep this late. Everyone was leaving for Toronto this afternoon and there were still things to be done. Last minute packing, taking Loki to his grandma's – he decided he didn't want to go to Rise to Greatness. Both Amy and Wyatt agreed though that he would not be staying home alone. They were to meet Bree at the airport at three PM, all flying together. But, she had still been recovering from her.... binge? On Monday, and worn out from training every day in preparation for her match. She sighs, accepting that her body just needed the rest. She was far from young these days.
Amy sits up and stretches, thankful that the academy was on hiatus starting this week, until the middle of August. Amy hadn't planned on taking a break that long, but she needed it herself. She had to put some distance between herself and Simon and that was impossible while holding class. She planned to figure some things out during this break, including possibly bringing in another trainer, just in case things went sour and Simon left.
After taking a shower, Amy throws her suitcase onto the bed, to throw in the last few items. Before she can unzip it to start though, Wyatt walks into the bedroom. He looks to be in a bad mood. He hates traveling, that must be it.
“Oh, you're awake. Good.”
“Yeah. Showered, too. You could have woken me up.”
“I tried.”
“Not very hard.”
Wyatt shrugs. “I wouldn't have let you go past noon.”
“I hope not.” Amy grins. Wyatt does not. Amy's grin fades. Something is wrong.
“Come over here and sit down, I want to talk to you before we leave.”
Shit. Amy walks around the bed and sits on the edge of it. Wyatt takes the armchair next to the bed, turning it to face her. Amy waits, she knows Wyatt always gets right to the point, so she doesn't need to ask. True to form, Wyatt starts the conversation with no preamble.
“So. I had an enlightening conversation with Travis yesterday morning.”
“Fuck...” It slipped before Amy could stop herself. She looks away.
“Good, you already know what we spoke about, I don't have to explain. You, however? Have a lot to talk about.”
Amy looks back at her husband, and realizes the hard expression he'd walked in with wasn't annoyance in anticipation of travel, but carefully controlled lividness. If he'd spoke to Travis yesterday, he'd had a whole day to process everything. Amy briefly wonders why he didn't seem any different the night before, then remembers – she spent most of the night in her office. Not drinking this time, but looking at film, match prep.
“What do you want me to say?”
“You can start by telling me why you went to someone else if you were in that dark of a mood, instead of coming to me.”
“I.... was already past that point when I went there. So I thought... I'd ride it out somewhere else, and make sure it was the last time.” Famous last words. Wyatt gives her a look that tells Amy he doesn't believe that at all.
“So you asked someone else for help instead of me?”
Amy sighs. There was no point in making something up. “I.... knew that if you saw me like that, you'd be upset, so I didn't want you to see it.”
“No, coming to me would have been a sign of trying to take responsibility, take control. I would have respected that, and done everything I could for you. Instead, you went to another man, who isn't supposed to be that kind of acquaintance, for the role that's supposed to be mine. That showed me no respect at all.”
There was no defense and Amy knows it. “I know. I'm sorry. It was after Simon left, and he said... some shit, and I.... I wasn't thinking straight. I-”
“No, you weren't. That's part of the problem. You're thinking about everything and everyone else except this. Us. I don't think you realize how thin the ice is.”
Up until that moment, she didn't. But cold realization washes over her.
“I think I hear it cracking...” Her words were quiet, but clear. She feels her heart beat in her throat, terrified of his next words.
“I told you...” Wyatt pauses, closing his eyes for a moment, composing himself. “... what would happen if you didn't get yourself under control. Didn't I?” Amy only nods. “Maybe you didn't think I was serious. Maybe you tried, but failed, and... didn't want to admit it, I don't know. I was serious. I'm not going through this with you again. I can't do it.”
The loud crack in Amy's head wasn't ice, but her heart. “Wyatt... you can't... I-”
Wyatt cuts off Amy's protests with a hand in the air. “But. I believe you want to fix this, you just can't. You need help, and I don't have the heart to turn my back on that. That's not who I am.”
“You're not. Never have been.” The man had literally saved her life, twice. She knew better than anyone.
“Maybe you were banking on that. Maybe...” Wyatt shakes his head a bit, with a shrug. “But it doesn't matter. I can't just walk away.” Amy's shoulders drop and she breathes out in relief. “But... if you want to keep that from happening, I need some things from you.”
“Of course.”
“Firstly, this whole open arrangement? That's done. I'm shutting that door.”
“Okay.” She'd expected that.
“Second. Before we leave today, we're walking through this house and getting rid of everything.”
“Okay.” Amy knows he means the alcohol.
“After Rise, you'll take a day to get yourself together, and then you're going into treatment.”
Amy snaps her head up. “What? I don't need rehab again! That's-”
“This isn't a negotiation. I've already called the facility.”
“What?”
“This is what needs to happen, if you want any chance of fixing this.”
“And if I don't go?” The question comes with a glare. She hated having things decided for her, and Wyatt knows that.
“Then I do.”
“You don't mean that.” Amy shakes her head.
“Do you want to test that theory? Should I show you the legal document in my desk that just needs a few blanks to be filled in?”
Amy chokes back a cry, her eyes betraying her though, welling up. “Wyatt... you didn't...” Her voice is barely above a whisper. Wyatt leans forward.
“At what point here are you going to realize how serious this is? You can't stop destroying yourself, you turned to someone else instead of me... and you asked him to lie to me. Do you have any idea how close I came to just saying fuck all of this? I can't do that though, because I love you. I'm giving you a last chance to save all of this. But if you can't accept that you need help and take it, then... I'm just wasting my time. And I'm not gonna stand by and watch you drown.”
Amy leans over, burying her face into her hands. She never would have thought he'd go so far as to have paperwork ready and waiting. How bad had she actually gotten? If it drove him to this extreme... he was right. She needed professional help. “Okay.”
“What was that?”
Amy raises her head out of her hands. “Okay. I'll go.” She wipes her face off with her fingers.
“Good, okay.” The relief in his voice is clear. After a few seconds, Wyatt abruptly stands up and looks around the room. “Well...” He lets out a sharp exhale. “We should finish packing. And then we're getting rid of everything you have hidden around here.”
Having composed herself, Amy clears her throat a bit. “It's not a lot. My bottom left desk drawer. And... the center console in my Jeep.”
Wyatt just stares at her for a moment, scoffs, then shakes his head. “Unbelievable...” He turns and walks out of the bedroom.
Amy remains on the edge of the bed, staring at the open door. She could feel the tension of the stretched-thin thread her marriage was hanging by. How the hell was she supposed to get through Rise to Greatness with this over her head? Asher Hayes and Adam Allocco were now the least of her worries.