Breakdown 9-14-23 #2
September 13
New Orleans
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When I came out of retirement, came back to SCW, I did so for one reason. Because my friend Simon Lyman wanted to, and I promised that if he did, I would too. When that became reality, we set our sights on the tag division. Simon also has a goal for himself, that being the World Championship. I was just here to support my friend.
The tag division quickly got put on the back burner, as he and I both got distracted by other issues. He picked a fight with Kandis, then challenged Gavin. I got dragged into some foolishness with Asher, Adam, and this Lovejoy woman. Rise to Greatness happened, and while Simon was successful (in a way)... I was not.
In fact, I haven't been very successful at all since taking my boots down from that hook. Not in SCW, and not in VWA either. Yes, they are running again. Yes, I agreed to defend the VWA World Championship that I won seven years ago... and yes, I lost it.
That's what my life has been since I stepped back into the ring.
Loss, after loss, after loss, after loss.
And I don't mean just matches, I mean other things, too. People. Relationships. Friendships. Sobriety.
I've gotten questions about what my daughter Jaina said to Simon on air last week, about my recovery. Well, that's a layered answer. Firstly, there was physical recovery. That VWA show where I lost their championship was August 12. I faced a young woman who had a grudge and a mission, and we had what was probably the roughest match of my career, save the HIAC where I won that title to begin with. Not only did I lose, I also limped away with knee bruising and swelling, and a few lacerations. So, I was not cleared to return to the ring until now. In that sense, Jaina's answer was accurate. It was hard for me to admit that I don't heal as fast as I used to these days. And, well... no one likes losing.
But there's another meaning to the word 'recovery' and knowing Simon as I do, it was that definition he was referring to. I've kept this quiet for weeks now but it's time to bring you all into the loop. All those losses I mentioned above, led me to the loss of sobriety. For a long time I kept everything together. A few years, really. Then suddenly, everything happened all at once. Some of those things I prefer to keep to myself, I'm sure you understand. Each one, individually, I could have handled. But the combination, one after the other like dominoes?
It was too much.
In short, I found myself in a very bad place, very quickly. So, almost immediately after Rise to Greatness, I spent two weeks at the same treatment facility that I went to a few years ago. I know last time I said it was the last time, but alcoholics can never make that promise. All we can do is keep trying. To handle things properly, to be better each day than the day before. Today as I write this, I can say that I feel better than I have in a long time. Months, to be perfectly honest.
Why am I telling you all of this?
I've always been as open as I can with you, Dear Readers. I kept it quiet for so long because I was still processing things and I needed to know what I was going to say, before I could actually say it.
Not long after I made my return was when things started to unravel. Maybe you noticed my uncertainty in the ring. Maybe some of you thought I made a mistake in this return. I've had the same thoughts, believe me. I thought that my lack of success was one of the things that contributed to my old habit. But in treatment, I realized that it was actually the other way around. My falling back into the bottle made it harder and harder for me to stay focused on the ring. Please understand I'm not saying this to make any excuses – I know better than that. The drinking is my fault, and therefore the losses are my fault, too.
The reason I'm telling you all of this now, is so that you understand that the Amy Chastaine you saw before Rise to Greatness is not the same Amy Chastaine that's here now. For everyone who was disappointed in my return because it looked like I'd lost a few steps, or should have stayed retired – I'm sorry. I promise you I am far more disappointed in myself than anyone else ever could be. I'm asking you to not give up, though. If you want to see the real me, the Amy Chastaine you grew up watching and hoped to see again for one last run... stay tuned.
I am clean, sober, clear-headed.... and fucking determined.
With Tag Turmoil this week at Breakdown, Simon and I are returning to our original plan – enter the tag division and work our way towards the Tag Team Championships. I'm not going to pretend like he and I haven't had some... tension. Any tag team, and indeed any friendships has its ups and downs. But we've been working through things, and I am ready to set an example of what it means to keep a promise. We said we wanted a chance at the titles. We now have an opportunity to earn that chance. I know Simon has other things on his mind and on his horizon. Gavin Taylor at Apocalypse, a shot at the World Championship on the line. That's just as important to him as this tag team is, I know that. Other than that, I would never presume to speak for Simon, but for myself... I promise I am going to do everything I can to get this team through the turmoil and into a title match.
I hear Ace Marshall has wanted to face me for a long time. If I have my way, he'll get his chance soon enough.
As for everything else? I go back to my old adage... one day at a time, one match at a time. And when in doubt... be brave.
~ Amy Chastaine