Under Attack 2023
{{ Thursday, August 10
Metairie, LA
Avenues Recovery }}
Amy looks around the now-familiar counseling room, for what might be the last time. Today is her last day at Avenues, and she's waiting for her exit session. She has to continue outpatient sessions starting next week, but she isn't sure if those will be in this room, or another office. She'll find out today. Glancing sideways, Amy thinks Wyatt looks uncomfortable seated next to her. On coming here, Amy was told that at least one of her sessions would include Wyatt. During her treatment the last two weeks, Amy's counselors decided to hold that off until today, the last session before she signs out. Amy knew why that was the decision, and she didn't think Wyatt was going to like it. When he arrived for this, Amy met him in the lobby, to lead him to the counselor's room. He'd greeted her with a hug, but to Amy it felt... off. She wondered if he still had those papers.
Amy and Wyatt sat in silence for about five minutes before the counselor , Dr. Patrick Donnelly, came into the room. The men introduce themselves to each other, and Patrick (as he prefers to be called) settles into his chair, his notes in hand. He's the first therapist/counselor Amy had ever seen using an electronic tablet to take notes instead of a paper notebook.
“Alright, with the formalities out of the way, I'll just jump right in. First of all, Wyatt, you should be aware that in my talks with Amy over her stay here, she's discussed your history, in depth, including the recent events that led her here.”
“I assumed that would be the case. I'm prepared for anything that comes up.”
“Great. I don't want any awkwardness or surprises. If you're not sure if Amy would have mentioned a certain incident or issue, just assume she has. If not, we'll deal with that if necessary.”
“Understood.”
Patrick smiles. “Perfect. Firstly, Amy. Given that this is your last session here as part of your inpatient stay, what I'd like to do is go over your progress, and what the expectations are for your continued treatment.”
“Alright.”
“I'll be honest, I don't think you've come as far as I would have liked to see so far. But, I also wasn't anticipating some of the issues that we uncovered. Taking that into consideration, you've actually done well.”
“I feel like there's a lot that hasn't been unpacked yet.”
“I agree. And we will get to that during your continued outpatient treatment. In the case of your sobriety, I'm optimistic you'll handle that well. The combination of your medication, your new sponsor, and your personal dedication to keeping sober I think will work for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Wait, new sponsor?” Wyatt seems wary. Amy isn't surprised, given that her previous sponsor had failed so dramatically.
“Yes. Amy has met with one of our volunteers, Velvet Reed. She went through our program several years ago and recently celebrated her five year sobriety anniversary.”
“Oh.” Wyatt's wariness waning didn't go unnoticed by Amy, and given the look on Patrick's face, she assumes he saw it, too. She had been partnered with a female sponsor deliberatly.
“Yeah, she's really sweet. Around my age, married, grown daughter.” Not religious, Amy wanted to say, but she could mention that fact later.
“Sounds good.”
“I'm sure you'll get to meet her soon.”
“Sure, I'd like to.”
“Great. She can be a resource for you as well, if you have any questions or concerns.”
“I'll keep that in mind.”
“Alright. So, after today Amy, we'll be seeing you two or three times a week, here, schedule permitting... we know you're usually fairly busy and booked up.”
“I am, but I can rearrange some things to make sure this stays a priority.”
“Good. As for you, Wyatt, I really feel your help will be needed, and we'd like to accomplish that by having you in with Amy once a week.”
“Yeah, I have no problem with that. I pretty much make my own schedule, so just give me dates and times and I'll make it work.”
Patrick smiles, glancing at Amy. Here it comes, she thinks. “Good to hear, you'll have to be an integral part of Amy's continued recovery. During her individual sessions here, it became apparent that you've played a role in what led to Amy being here today.”
Wyatt frowns a bit. “You think?” He doesn't sound upset, just thoughtful, which surprises Amy.
“I do. Part of Amy's diagnoses along with alcoholism, is hypersexuality.” Amy inwardly cringes at the word. It sounds better than the term pop culture likes – sex addict – but she still doesn't like it, no matter how accurate it may be. Wyatt gives no reaction to the word, and Patrick continues. “Now, she doesn't have the compulsion that people usually think of when they hear that term, it's actually fairly controlled in that regard. But other signs. Spending a lot of time planning activities, reckless behavior, feeling the need to continue despite threats to emotions and/or relationships. So-”
“Hold on, hold on.” Wyatt interrupts, sitting up straighter, waving one hand in the air. “If you're talking about the open marriage agreement we had for several years, you should know that I was the one who first brought it up as an option.”
Yeah, after she'd been told about how it works from Jason and mentioned it, Amy thinks. But she says nothing.
“Yes, exactly, and that's where your role comes into play as an enabler. Not necessarily in the alcoholism, although I could make a case for that as well. But definitely in this aspect.”
Amy holds her breath, waiting for the blow up. There isn't one. Wyatt looks down at the floor a moment, then back up, running a hand over his face. “I have to admit I've wondered if I could be to blame for any of this.” Amy stares, stunned. Wyatt seems to be pointedly not looking at her.
“In my professional opinion, I believe so. We'll get deeper into that, and why, in later sessions.” Both Wyatt and Amy nod. “For now, given that the nature of your previous open relationship has indirectly – or maybe directly – contributed to Amy's drinking, I strongly suggest that you refrain from any intimacy until some of these things get sorted out.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“It does. Okay.” Amy feels like Wyatt agreed to that a little too quickly, and she wonders again if those papers still exist. But, she had to admit that she hadn't exactly been looking forward to anything of the sort lately herself, so maybe she was being oversensitive.
“That went over easier than I thought, I admit. I'm glad you both agree. I'd even go as far as to say not until not only do you both feel its the right time, but that I, as a professional, believe it would be healthy for you.”
Amy glances at Wyatt and finds him also looking at her. She turns away.
“I think that's fair.”
“Yeah, I'm okay with that.”
Patrick smiles again, as if they'd all just agreed to meet for dinner rather than bluntly discussing martial sex. “Okay. I'll note everything we've discussed today down, and we'll work out a schedule next week, Amy, after you're home from your Toronto obligation.”
“That works. I'll let you know when I'm back.”
“I'll give you both my card with my cell number, you can text me.” Amy nods. “I believe that's all here, unless either of you have any questions?”
Amy shakes her head no, and looks at her husband.
“Nothing I can think of at the moment.”
“Alright. Well, as I said you'll have my number.” Patrick stands, and both Amy and Wyatt take the cue and get to their feet as well. “You ready to go home?”
“Absolutely.”
Patrick pulls a single sheet of paper out of a folder Amy just noticed was on the side table. He signs it, and hands it to Amy with a smile. His card is attached with a paper clip. “Here's your discharge.”
Amy smiles back as she takes it.
This piece of paper signifies the end of her stay at Avenues, but Amy knows it's just the beginning of fixing the mess she'd created.
* * * * *
When Amy walks through the door of her home, she recalls the dream she had the first day at Avenues and for a half-second, is afraid she'd see what she saw in the dream – everything family related gone. The living room looks perfectly normal though, and Amy chides herself for being silly. Obviously her family hadn't left her, Wyatt brought her home for gods' sake. Loki however, was not home. Wyatt explained on the drive home that he'd asked Loki to spend the day with a friend, or maybe his sister, so that he and Amy could have some time alone when Amy got home. This was a different situation than years ago when Loki was younger and Amy came back from her first rehab stay, and the kids were home and everyone welcomed her back. They needed time to talk alone this time. Loki had agreed, and arranged to spend the day with Jaina. Amy was grateful for that, she had been low-key dreading getting home and having everyone all over her, when she just wanted to decompress.
Amy sets her bag near the bottom of the stairs, to be taken up later, and sits on the couch. Kicking her shoes off, she pulls her legs up comfortably under her. Wyatt takes the armchair, and Amy thinks he's much less comfortable than she is. That concerns her, but she's glad to be on her own couch instead of the hard one in her rehab condo, so she can't bring herself to sit up straight.
“Did you know he was going to say that stuff about me being at fault?”
Shit. She didn't want to do this right now. She had hoped for more than five minutes of relaxing before this conversation started. But she didn't have much leverage, if any at all.
“Yes.”
“Do you agree with him?”
“I don't know.”
“Amy...”
“I don't. I mean... I can see why he would think it. But... I don't know. You seemed to agree.”
“Maybe. Maybe I let some things go too far.”
“Maybe I talked you into it.”
“Maybe.” Silent moments pass. “Do you agree with his... treatment plan? Having me involved, the... everything?”
“Yeah. I do. Can't say I like it... but I'll do whatever is necessary.”
Wyatt nods. “Okay. As long as you're in agreement, then I'll go along with it, keep up the sessions.”
“Thank you.”
Wyatt clears his throat quietly, as he tends to do when changing the subject. “So, you still planning on opening the academy on the twenty-first?”
“I am. I thought about pushing it back, I even mentioned that to Patrick. He suggested that sticking to the plan would help more than postponing it. Keeping as much normal as possible, keeping a routine. Especially given the other changes.” Such as her not drinking, and the relationship no longer being open, and the abstaining.
“Right. Okay, I just didn't want you to be pushing yourself.”
“I need to.”
“Okay.” Wyatt pauses a breath or two. “What about your staff?'
Amy eyes him sharply. “What do you mean?”
Wyatt gives her a pointed look. Amy shakes her head. She knows what he's getting at, but she wants him to say it. This beating around the bush thing he's doing isn't normal for him and it's unnerving her.
“Alright, I'll be blunt. Is Simon still working at the academy?”
“Oh... Yes.”
“You're going to allow that, and work with him, despite everything he's done?”
“I can't fire him. It's not fair to take something away from my students because of my personal problems.”
Wyatt shakes his head. “I don't know how you can do that.”
“I don't know either. But I'm not going to punish them for what would look like no reason. And there is no way I would explain.”
Wyatt sighs, but nods reluctantly. “That I get at least. This mess doesn't need to go public.”
“I'm glad there's something we agree on.”
“I'm only going to say this once, and you can do what you will with it. If it was my call, he would be gone. Already. But, the academy is yours and it's not my place to tell you what to do with it.”
“I know that's what you want. Honestly, so do I. But I can't only think about myself, I have to do what's best for everyone. Those students signed up expecting to be training with certain people. I can't take that away from them. It's just.... part of my penance, I guess.”
“Fine. Do what you must. Don't expect me to speak to him.”
“I don't. In fact, I prefer that you don't. We don't need another fistfight and you can't afford getting caught in that. You're lucky he didn't push the issue last time.” An assault charge on someone with a felony record would be serious.
“I'm aware. It was still worth it”
Amy looks away and sighs. “I'm sorry if my decision upsets you. But it's what's best for the academy.”
“Noted.”
That tone was rare, but familiar. Wyatt is pissed, and trying very hard to contain it. This conversation needs to be over. Amy sits up. “I should probably go unpack. Do laundry.” She gets up, and Wyatt stands too.
“I'll follow you. Speaking of those changes... I'll go move things to the guest room.”
Amy stops mid-step. “Do you think that's necessary?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. Don't you?”
Amy sighs. She hadn't thought about it at all. “I guess now that you mention it, it would make sense, given our instructions. But... what about Loki? He's gonna notice. He'll think we're separated or something.”
Wyatt looks at her with a squint, head tilted slightly. “What exactly do you think this is, Amy? We are.”
Oh. Amy back-steps once, folding her arms. She nods once, keeping her head down and eyes towards the floor. Of course. How silly of her. She can't make herself respond. She is now convinced the papers still exist.
“Don't worry about Loki, I'll talk to him.”
Amy just nods, keeping her head down. After a few seconds she hears Wyatt go up the stairs.
Instead of following, Amy goes to her office, telling herself she'd just unpack later. She wasn't going to subject herself to watching her husband move out of their bedroom.
November 11
New Orleans
Firstly, Dear Readers, I owe you all an apology. I haven't been keeping up with you as much as I should lately, and I have no excuse other than... life has been hard.
Work, training... sometimes just getting up out of bed and getting dressed is like moving mountains. I've been through this before, the beginning stages of recovery. It's always hard, but this time seems harder. And it's my own fault. Everything that's going on, every consequence I'm handling, came about because of my actions. That's a hard thing to accept, process, and try to live with. It's affected every area of my life. In ring... I haven't been as sharp as I know I can be. At BlackOut, I can be inattentive at bad moments. I admit the academy has been going better since I had to fire Simon... but I know I need to be better. Even in my home life.... there are difficult things to sort through and try to make right. I'm still trying.
One thing about me that I think everyone knows, is that I don't give up. When I retired a few years ago, it was because I was forced to medically, I didn't want to. It took a few years but I made it back to doing what I love, what's in my blood.
Except I'm failing.
I'm failing the fans, I'm failing SCW, my family... and I'm failing myself.
That's why I'm glad that Kelsai challenged me to a match at Under Attack. I've watched the show back, I saw she and Chance speaking about “did she go for it.” I know Kelsai has some other motive for wanting to face me than just spirit of competition. She wants a former World Champion and Hall of Famer on her list of defeats. And that's fine. I'm not upset about it, I don't blame her. If I was trying to climb up the ladder I'd want to do the same thing. And if there was a perfect time to step up to me with a challenge... now is the perfect time. I'm pretty much ripe for the picking. If that's why she decided to challenge me, if that's what Chance put into her ear... I get it. I've been...
Quite honestly I feel like I've been ruining my legacy. My reputation. Our current World Champion may not care about reputation, but I can't afford not to. I have an academy to run. Who's going to sign up to train with me if I keep getting my ass kicked from pillar to post every time I step into the ring?
So, this match with Kelsai is more important than it might seem on the surface.
I think everyone knows by now the relationship between myself and Kelsai. She's adopted, but her birth mother was my best friend, Kay McDaniel. During college she found herself pregnant by a man she knew her family wouldn't approve of. It's the deep south and some people still cling to old ways of thinking. Kay knew she had to hide the baby from her family, and give her up to have a better life. Kay asked me for a favor. To be listed as next contact if anything ever happened to her, as the adoption was listed as open. I agreed, thinking Kay would be around forever and maybe one day I'd meet this girl when her family and Kay thought it was appropriate for her to meet her birth mother. Unfortunately... something did happen to Kay. She is no longer with us and suddenly... Kelsai was my responsibility to keep an eye on. I met her mother, we kept in contact over the years. Her parents kept her adoption from her until she was an adult. I wouldn't have chosen that route, but it wasn't my decision to make.
Since Kelsai got into wrestling, I made it a priority to look out for her. At the time she just thought I was trying to help a rookie, offer my services as a manger. And I was... but there was a deeper reason. Once she found out... well, you all know what happened. Kelsai calls me Mom. My daughter is one of her best friends, they consider each other like sisters. Kelsai isn't just a young woman I helped train and mentored in SCW... she's family.
She is part of who I've been failing.
I don't want to fail anyone anymore. I need to pull myself up and out of this downward spiral I've found myself stuck in. I'm getting my personal life sorted out, slowly, but there's been progress. Less stress there leaves me more mental energy to refocus on the ring. My students. Living up to the legacy I created. Repairing my reputation.
I can't think of anyone else better for me to start to do that, than Kelsai Adamson. We know each other inside and out, and she's one of the very few people I know I can trust. I know that she'll give me everything she has, because she's out to prove herself. That's what I want from her. That's what I need from her. I know I'll have to step up, make myself focus, be ready for anything. I helped train her, I know better than most what she's capable of. Especially when she's motivated to prove herself and move up. She's a former World Champion in her own right, and she wants to get to that level again. I admire that about her, I respect her drive.
I just hope that she respects mine. I have something to prove too, and as much as I would love to see her rise as high as she can go here in SCW... I have to do my best to win this. I have to beat her. There's no other option. This is my bottom, my turning point, where the downward spiral ends and starts swirling back up. I have so much ground to make up for, so much to prove. It's actually an honor to me to start by getting in the ring with this woman I've loved as a daughter for longer than she ever knew. I hope she'll see it as an honor in being a part of my resurgence after I – hopefully – get the victory at Under Attack. I'll shake and raise her hand either way. And I hope SCW and CHBK pays close attention. Because Kelsai – win or lose – deserves every opportunity there is.
Except this one. This one is mine.
Stay Brave,
Amy Chastaine