Breakdown 1-4-24
{{ Thanksgiving }}
Thanks to Breakdown happening on actual Thanksgiving day, our family decided to celebrate on the Saturday after. I am hosting dinner at our house. Don't worry, babes, neither me nor Dom tried to cook a turkey. Everything was expertly catered by our local grocery store Rouse's. We've done this for a few years now and their dishes are absolutely delicious. That said... Amy did bring her mac and cheese that Loki loves, and Jaina came over early to make desert. She likes to bake, and made apple and pecan pies.
I also did something I thought was a good idea at the time, although now waiting for everyone to arrive I'm questioning my sanity. I invited Josh and Jalyn. I know, I know! But I couldn't stand the thought of them being here in a new city with none of their family and spending the holiday alone. He resisted at first, asked me if I was sure it was a good idea. This was made worse by the fact I asked him while at his condo, in his bed, after our second... rendezvous. A few days after the gym incident and Amy's warning about the cameras. After I assured him it would be fine and I had talked about it with Dom first, he agreed. Are there any other adulterers out there who asked their husband if they can invite their secret lover over for Thanksgiving dinner? Thinking about it... probably. I'm just trying to act as normal as possible, and if this hadn't happened between me and Josh, I would have invited them anyway. No one should spend a holiday alone.
Everyone has arrived. Our guests include Amy, Wyatt, Loki, Jaina and Marie, Amy's mom Ms. Liz, and Josh and Jalyn. When Josh got here, Heath squealed to see Jalyn, I gave him what I hoped was a friendly-looking hug, and he and Dom shook hands. They'd met and spoken several times already at the gym, so it was a friendly greeting. Amy gave me a look; I had neglected to tell her he was coming. Oops?
This was no formal dinner, I made sure to tell everyone to dress casual and comfortable. I'm wearing a long cotton skirt with a long-sleeved top. Amy is in a long wrap dress with a light sweater over it. Everyone else is in jeans with long sleeved tops or jackets. Dinner itself went well. The smoked turkey was absolutely delicious, as was everything else. It's a cool night, so we decided to have desert and drinks outside on the patio. I had offered to Amy to keep the dinner dry, but she didn't want anyone else to be deprived just over her, and she insisted it would be okay. Jaina, Marie, and I are having wine while Dom, Wyatt, and Josh have beer. Amy? She has sparkling cider. Heath is sitting on Dom's lap and Josh has Jalyn on a blanket on the ground next to him. He tried to hold her but she was getting restless. There was small talk about the meal while we had our pie. With only crumbs left on our plates and sufficiently stuffed, everyone is sitting back in their chairs, relaxed.
“So Josh, how'd you like the southern Thanksgiving fare?” All night, every time Dom and Josh spoke to each other, my stomach flipped. I probably shouldn't be drinking.
“The smoked turkey was different, but I enjoyed it”
“I almost ordered fried, but thought that wouldn't go over well with a group of athletes.”
“I'm sorry, fried? Like chicken?”
I laugh. “No. Whole. In a giant pot outside. And very carefully.”
Josh looks around at everyone, waiting for the laughter. Except it's not a joke. “You're serious. People here fry turkeys whole?” Several nods go around the table. “That would have been interesting.”
“Maybe I'll get one for Christmas.” Amy offers. “You are invited, by the way. It'll be at my house.”
“I appreciate that. As well as being included tonight. Thank you.”
“As if we were gonna let you sit home alone with a turkey sandwich.” I smirk. That day in bed, he'd told me that was his planned dinner. He smirks back.
“This was definitely better than that.”
“Seriously man, none of our friends are gonna go without as long as we can help it.” Dom sounds so sincere and I almost can't take it.
“You make it sound like I'm starving and homeless.”
“Ha, didn't mean that at all. Just that we treat our friends like family, and family shares.”
I nearly choke on my sip of wine. Amy gives me a glare across the table, before turning to the guys.
“Exactly. So... please join us for Christmas, too.”
“Alright, we will. Thank you.”
I down the rest of my wine. How could I have been questioning drinking just a few minutes ago?
A child's whine intrudes my thoughts. I first look at Heath in Dom's lap, but it's not him; he's half asleep. By the time I look down at Jalyn, Josh already has her halfway up into his lap. She leans on his shoulder and rubs her eye.
“I think it's a little late for her. I should probably get her home.”
“You can lay her down upstairs if you want. It's just about Heath's bedtime, too, as you can see.” Dom gestures to our son in his lap.
“Uh, yeah, if you don't mind.”
“Of course not. She can lay with Heath in his bed, its big enough.” I assure him.
“Okay, great.”
Dom gently shakes Heath to wake him up. “Hey Nugget, ready for bed?” He nods slowly. “You want to share with Jalyn?” Heath grins a little. “Good. Come on, let's go.” Dom starts to get up, but Heath leans away from him.
“No! Momma!”
He's added a handful of words to his vocabulary. “Oh, you want Momma to take you up?”
“Momma!”
“Okay, okay.” Dom laughs. “Kid always wants her to put him in bed when she's home.”
“Jalyn was that way with her mother, before... we came here.” Every time Josh mentions the girls mom, it makes me angry. I don't understand how any woman could just walk away from her child. It's no wonder he doesn't speak about it. I get up and pull Heath from Dom's lap.
“Okay, let's go. I'll take you.” I turn to Josh and gesture for him to get up. “Follow me.”
Josh gets up and we go inside.
I hear Josh close the sliding door behind me. I lead the way up the stairs and down the hall to Heath's room. I set Heath down in bed and quickly pull his little jeans off. He usually sleeps in a shirt and diaper. He gets himself comfortable and I give him his blanket. Josh lays Jalyn, who is already sleeping, down next to him.
“I didn't bring any other clothes for her.” She's in a dress and tights.
“I can give her one of his t-shirts if you want to change her.”
Josh looks down at her, and shakes his head. “No. I'd rather not wake her up.” Instead, he just pulls her shoes off and sets them on the floor under the crib.
“Okay. Blanket?” Josh nods, and I grab another one from the back of the chair and hand it to him. He lays it over her, and rubs her hair. I start to lean over to kiss my son good night, but he's already asleep.
“Hm. We must have worn them out with the company and food.”
“Must have.”
We leave Heath's room and I close the door gently. Instead of going the stairs though, I stop and lean on the wall next to my bedroom door. “Since we have a moment, I have a question. Was this okay for you, or was this really a bad idea?”
“What do you mean?”
“You coming tonight.”
“I haven't come yet.” He smirks.
“Josh...” I shake my head, laughing. Yet?
“Okay, I know. No, it wasn't a bad idea. Other than one or two slightly awkward moments, I've had a good time.”
“Slightly? I almost choked on my wine when Dom mentioned sharing.”
“That was one of them, yes. But Bree....” He steps closer to me and grabs my hand. “If we're gonna keep this up, and I have every intention of doing so as long as you're willing, you're gonna have to relax. You were visibly uncomfortable and I don't know how no one's noticed.”
“Amy did.”
“Amy notices everything. I meant him.” Dom, obviously. I shrug.
“He's had a few beers.”
“So have I. Yet I noticed.”
“That's because you know there's something to look for. I promise, he didn't notice anything. But... you're right. I need to calm down. I'm just... not used to keeping secrets.”
“I know, Ms. Truth.” He smirks. “Maybe what you need... is more practice.”
“In what? Lying?”
“Relaxing.” Before I can do anything he leans in and kisses me. I immediately push him off.
“You have got to be out of your mind!”
“Am I? Everyone is outside.”
“We're in the hallway!”
“Is that your only objection? Cause I see a whole lot of doors we could be behind.”
I couldn't deny the brief kiss had affected me, but... “You want me to relax by messing around literally behind everyone's backs?” I gestured towards the backyard.
“Like I said. Practice.” He smirks again, running a hand across my hip and around my back. I swear I am losing my entire mind, because I reach up and return the kiss. He pulls me close against him and a sound makes me open my eyes. He has his hand on the doorknob and my bedroom door open a crack.
“Wait, no! Not that room.... it's mine.”
He stops, then slowly pulls it shut. “Oh. Right. Then where?”
I answer by taking his hand and pulling him backwards, down the hall a bit to the guest room next to my room. I grab the knob and push the door open.
“Here.”
We move into the room together and I make sure to shut the door. Josh pushes me against the wall and kisses me. I am crazy. I am insane. I have lost all semblance of-
“This reminds me of that Halloween party. Remember?”
“How could I forget?” Kelcey Wallace used to throw a Halloween Bash every year, and one year she held it at her house. Dom and I were just starting to hang out more after Blake left me, and he came with me to the party. Except that was during the time Josh and I were involved before. He'd asked me to meet him upstairs and we ended up having sex in what I still hope was one of Kelcey's spare rooms. It strikes me how Dom was downstairs that night, too.
“I must have made a good impression.”
“The best.”
Josh kisses me again, but instead of repeating the way it happened at that party, against the wall, he turns me around towards the bed. I back up against it, and sit on the edge, expecting him to lean over me.
“This will have to be quick.”
He pulls me back to my feet. “Oh, it will be. Turn around.”
Understanding immediately, I turn, and before I even stop moving he has the skirt of my dress up around my waist. Good thing I wore a dress, I think. Except in the back of my mind I knew I did it on purpose. Just in case.
And then all thoughts left my head, as I was too full of him to think.
{{ Christmas }}
This holiday was much, much different than Thanksgiving. First of all, everyone was at Amy's house instead of mine. I had only briefly hesitated in behaving badly with Josh in my spare bedroom. We were lucky that everyone had been still outside and talking away when we came back down afterwards, and no one seemed to think we had been gone too long. But that was my house. There was no way on earth I am going to do anything of the sort at Amy's house.
Aside from that though, things between Josh and I had changed. While at Breakdown a few days prior, we had an... incident. I thought he was pushing me away for some unknown reason and I was ready to end this, just like before. But then he spoke to the SCW crowd. And I couldn't let it go. I went back to his hotel – down the street from mine – and demanded an explanation. I got much more than I expected. Firstly, I owe an apology to a dead woman. Erica, Jalyn's mother, who all this time I assumed had abandoned her child, hadn't done that at all She'd been killed. Josh assured me my mistake wasn't a big deal because he'd told me almost nothing previously, but I still felt terrible for it. He told me so many other things, too. Why she was killed, who did it, why... all going back to his Army days. It seemed like he thought telling me everything would scare me away, but it doesn't. I told him I wasn't afraid of him, and I'm not. There is a very short list of men I trust completely to never hurt me and he is on it. Realizing that changed all of this for me. This was no longer just about giving in to a magnetic-like physical attraction. It was more than that. It had to be, for me to have allowed this to happen in the first place, and then for me to be comfortable in that complete trust, despite everything he'd confessed to me, things he'd done. I am ashamed to admit that one of my thoughts that night I spent with him at his hotel, was that Dom made a living pretending to be a badass for TV, but Josh actually was one.
Nothing worth going into detail about happened at Amy's for Christmas. She did order a fried turkey, and everyone including Josh thought it was delicious. Gifts were exchanged, lots of food was eaten, and once again the babies fell asleep earlier than usual. I was more relaxed than at Thanksgiving, though. I don't know what was different; the chances of getting found out hadn't changed. The fact that I would be forced to tell at least a few lies to keep the secret hadn't changed, either. Maybe I was just more comfortable with what we're doing. I've accepted it, I've decided it's not stopping.
I just don't know what happens next. I have a lot to figure out for 2024.
ON CAMERA
Happy New Year, SCW.
I wish I could sound more excited, but I am not. As you all know by now, my good friend Datura has decided to exit SCW, for personal reasons. Do I know those reasons? Yes. But they aren't mine to share, so I won't. All I will say is that I enjoyed every moment of working with her here, even on occasions were it might have looked otherwise. I wish her the best in what she does next, and I hope she finds her personal balance in what ever that may be.
Moving on, that makes things for me here in SCW in the new year very different. I know I'd already resigned myself to putting the tag team plans on the shelf for a while, but now that seems permanent. I also am one person short in my circle of friends, advisors, people I trust. It's an adjustment to be sure.
But, I have always been adaptable. I've had to be. Many time times in my life and career, things have been turned upside down and dumped me on my head. I've had to learn how to pick myself up and move forward. That's what I intend to do, and that starts with continuing my focus on the Adrenaline Championship. I maintain that the championship deserves better. It's not a prop to be handed off to someone as some kind of twisted apology. It's a prestigious championship with its own set of rules and deserves much better than it's been treated recently.
I know how SCW works, though. In most cases, a person can't just say “I want to fight for that championship!” and get handed a shot at it. It has to be worked for. Earned. And this week at Breakdown, my path to earning what I seek begins, as I face Sarah Wolf.
Sarah is a formidable opponent. I've seen how she operates. Sneak attacks, no care for the health and safety of her opponents. She even broke Deanna Frost's arm just to prove a point! Let me make myself very clear, to Sarah and everyone else.
There will be no arm breaking this week.
There will be no sneaking up on me, surprising me, catching me off guard. I've used those tricks and played those games and they won't work on me. As for my arm? Well... if you try, I'll just have to apply a Tangled Web and snap yours before you get the chance to try to break mine.
Do I want to do that? No. I'd much rather have a competitive, clean match. But please remember that just because I don't like to play dirty anymore, doesn't mean that I forgot how, or that I won't if necessary.
Many times in life, we are faced with situations where we must do things we don't want to do, or don't like to do, for a greater good. Maybe those things represent who we are as a person anymore. Or maybe they don't align with our personal values. But there are cases where the ends justify the means. Lux Veritatis leads us down the path that's best for our personal growth. That growth isn't always easy, or clean. It can be dirty, filthy even, and present us with obstacles that seem insurmountable. The light of truth shines on a way to overcome, and that way could very well be against everything you stand for. And it's at that point you must decide. Do I stand here and refuse out of principle?
Or do I push myself past being uncomfortable, to reach what I'm yearning for?
It's going to be uncomfortable for me for a while without my friend close by. It also may be uncomfortable for me at Breakdown in the ring with Sarah, if she pushes me to a point where I feel I have to resort to tactics I don't care for.
But I am not afraid to grow. I am always looking to improve myself, to find new ways to reach what I want. Getting past Sarah Wolf is the obstacle in my way right now down the path to earning a chance to become Adrenaline Champion again. And I will not stagnate. I will do what must be done to defeat her, and continue down the path. Lux Veritatis will lead the way.