Breakdown 10-19-23 #2
Here I am, trying to move forward, and SCW has me booked against Amelia Blythe, someone I've faced in the past.
Yes, I know it stems from Apocalypse and how she pinned me to win the contendership match. As it stands, she and I have a win over each other, so Wrestling 101 dictates that we face one more time. I could look at this like stepping backwards, which is something I do not want to do. Instead I'm choosing to see the light of the situation and view this as a sort of beginning again.
My match with Amelia at Taking Hold of the Flame was probably the highlight of my return so far. After getting through the tournament to find a champion for the vacant United States Championship, she and I stood face to face at what I consider to be the second-most important show of the year. It was a battle I'll always remember, because in the end when Amelia tapped.... I made history. I became the first four-time United States Champion.
I want to stress to everyone just how easily it could have gone the other way. Amelia is one of the most underrated athletes on this roster. Beating her isn't an easy task. I was proud of myself for how hard I fought to get myself back up to a level I knew I could rise to. That I know I can keep up with.
Except I didn't exactly keep up, did I?
I was briefly TV Champion at the same time as carrying the US, and first I lost that. Then Datura and I tried to make a real go at the Tag Division, and to date have stumbled at every step. Apocalypse was no different. I thought I had my head clear, I thought I knew what I was doing. But everything I tried, everything I knew to try... has been failing me.
I'm gonna take a short tangent, because today is a special day. Not a good day... but a special one. Fifteen years ago on this day, October 18th, my life changed forever, when my oldest brother lost his. Every year since then, on this day I've mourned. I've been angry. I've questioned God, the Universe, you name it. I've always treated this day as one to dread. This morning though, I woke up from a dream where my brother spoke to me. I'm positive that some of you don't believe in visits from the afterlife or even life after death. And there's a possibility that's correct. Maybe everything my brother told me in this dream was just my own subconscious talking to me in a way that would make me pay attention.
In this case, I don't care what the truth is. In my head my brother spoke, and as I always did as a child, I listened.
He told me, “Babygirl... what have I always said? If what you're doing keeps not working, do something else. Try something new. The worst thing you can do is become stagnant.”
I woke up, and for the first time on this anniversary day, I didn't immediately cry. Instead, I smiled. Just like when I was a little girl and didn't know where to turn or what to do, my brother told me exactly what I needed to hear. Was it really Heath? Was it my subconscious? Was it perhaps my shadow?
I don't care, and it doesn't matter.
What matters is that I decided that the first thing I was going to change, is how I approach this day. It's not for mourning, and sadness. It's for celebration. Remembering and being thankful for the seventeen years of my life I did get to spend with him, and everything I learned from him in that time. He's been gone almost half my life now. That's far too much time to have spent in grief and anger. And I won't do it anymore. It's not honoring him in the way I thought it was.
Instead, I choose to use this day as a reminder to never take anything for granted. Not anyone's health, or life obviously. But also... success. Skills. Opportunities. Endurance. I think I tried to do too much at once and spread myself too thin. I believed that because I was successful at the one goal I set – the US Championship reign record – that I could do anything else I wanted, too. I do believe I can, I have that faith in myself.
I just can't do everything at one time. No one can.
So. That brings me back to Amelia. Where all of this started, when we fought at Taking Hold of the Flame and I accomplished that goal. That was my best moment of the year, but it was also my peak. From there I've gone lower and lower. I lost everything Rise to Greatness weekend. I lost my rematch with Deanna. Datura and I... haven't had the success we wanted.
But, I can turn that around. I can step into the ring with Amelia again, and remind myself how I felt that night. Confident, excited, at the best I've been since returning last year. Rather than seeing this as a step backwards, facing someone one on one I've already beaten one on one... I can choose to do something different. See things another way. Look at the light instead of wallow in the darkness.
I'm not stepping backwards. I'm starting over.
There are no titles on the line at Breakdown. As far as SCW is concerned, nothing is truly at stake here, other than bragging rights. Pride. But for me? It can be everything. A step in a new direction, the right direction. A clearer focus. Changing my viewpoint, my strategy. Avoiding stagnation.
The last few weeks I've been doing some extra training, new training. Improving some skills I already had and learning some new ones. I've been in this business a long time now but I am a firm believer in the philosophy that a wrestler has to be always learning. Eventually all your opponents will learn your usual moves, pick out your patters. Focus on countering your strengths and exploiting your weaknesses. How do you prevent that?
Change everything.
Turn those weaknesses into strengths. Do something new, something different, something no one will expect from you. See things in a different light, and follow that light to where you want to be.
Amelia will be facing me again, but she won't be facing the same competitor. Our past encounters don't have any bearing on this match. If Amelia wants to make this just as tough a battle as our Flame match, she is going to have to walk into this with the same mindset that I have. That this is the first time we've faced each other. She can't rely on the past to predict the future. Our past encounters aren't relevant. This one is. Maybe she sees this as a warm up to she and Luz' title match. Maybe she sees it as a test, to try to do what she couldn't before and beat me, gain momentum. Or she could view this as something else entirely that I could never guess.
I'll tell her, and everyone, exactly what this is for me. A full circle moment. Starting over right where I began.
I have goals, and to reach them and move forward, I have to go through Amelia Blythe.
Amelia. I want you to know that I have nothing but respect for you. Win or lose at Breakdown, that isn't going to change. I hope you and Luz go on to become Tag Champions. You deserve it. But between you and me at Breakdown? I'll show that respect by throwing everything I have at you, and then some. I expect nothing less from you. We both have damn good reasons for needing to win this. The question is... which one of us will have that tiny bit extra left to get the win?
I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that answer, is me.