Breakdown 12-1-22 #1
The flight home from London was roughly twenty pounds heavier. Ten of it from the souvenir's Nora bought, and the other ten my new piece of hardware – the Adrenaline Championship.
It was a hard fought match. At the end I wasn't even sure if I could pull off a Rectifier from that position, with Liz up on the ropes. I'd never tried it, never even thought of it, until that moment. Sometimes, big risks pay off. I am still surprised I pulled the whole thing off.
Luckily, Liz was okay after it was over. When I leaned over to make sure, she complimented me on my grit as she told me she was okay. I helped her up and we raised our hands together. I'm not sure who the crowd thought was raising who's, but it was a mutual respect.
We stayed in London a few extra days to relax. Once home, the empty space on the fireplace mantle in the display room (most people would call it a formal living room, but wrestlers aren't most people) was filled with a title belt for the first time in a long time. Heath was transfixed by how much the gold shined. Dom was excited and proud. As for me? I guess I had to admit that I was back to my previous ring shape after all, or at least close to it. Those two women threw everything they had out there and I managed to outlast them both. Yes, I'm proud of myself, but I am trying really hard not to let myself fall back into the egotism trap of a few years ago. Finding success so soon after making my return, it would be easy to let old habits surface. But during my absence from the business I worked hard to put that person away, and I don't want 'her' to make a comeback along side me. I have a very important reason to be a better example, and his name is Heath. I refuse to fail him.
{{Sunday, November 13
Kenner, LA
Morning}}
While in London, Dom and I had a discussion and came to an agreement. While we loved Nora and the wonderful job she did taking care of Heath, and also how much he seems to love her, we decided we didn't need her to stay with us full time anymore. There were a handful of reasons, which I had scrolling through my mind as Dom and I prepared to have a sit down talk with Nora this morning. I made coffee and Dom made pancakes and bacon. I had gotten Heath up myself and he was sitting in his high chair next to the breakfast table in the kitchen, picking at a handful of dry Cheerio's I had put on the tray for him. Dom and I sat down with our coffee and breakfast.
“Before we have this talk with Nora, are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this? I mean, hiring someone to stay here to help was your idea.”
“I know it was, but I'm sure. Look, we had no problems getting him up this morning and ready and everything. He's not a tiny baby anymore. I just feel like there's less and less for her to do, and it's not fair to keep her here when she isn't doing anything.”
Dom nods, absorbing my words. It's nothing I haven't said before. He even agreed when we discussed it and decided to speak with her. I'm not sure why he's hesitating now.
“Alright. I know we discussed this but I just wanted to be sure this is what you want.”
“It is. It's what's best for everyone. You still agree, right?”
“Of course.” He smiles over his coffee mug.
What I wouldn't admit though, is that part of why I wanted to limit Nora's time with us, is because there were some dates coming up where Dom couldn't come on the road with me. Lisa had him booked for a few TV appearances, and there was a table read for that SEAL show Dom had showed me the pitch for. All of that was scheduled when I would have to be out of town. I couldn't take Heath with me alone, there would be no one to care for him when I was working. And he couldn't stay with just Dom, because there would be no one to look after him while Dom was doing his work. On top of that, I don't feel comfortable traveling without my son. I don't like the idea of being so far away from him, it makes me anxious. So, I would like Nora to travel with me and Heath, regardless if Dom is with us or not. The truth is... even without my discomfort about being far away from my son, something about the idea of Nora home alone with my husband and child sat very wrong on my chest. Dom would undoubtedly tell me I was being ridiculous if I said so. And it is ridiculous. Rationally I know nothing terrible or inappropriate would happen. But you know how they say to always trust your gut? My gut was telling me, strongly, not to leave the three of them alone together. I don't know why, but I wasn't going to risk it.
Heath starts to babble and laugh. I look in the direction he's looking, and see that Nora has come down. She's all dressed for the day, looking as if she's going out somewhere.
“Good morning, babe. Here, get some breakfast. Sit.”
“Oh, thank you, but I'm actually meeting a friend for brunch.” She smiles, and waves a hand down herself, showing off why she's dressed nicely instead of Sunday-comfy.
“Oh... well, do you have a few minutes before you go? We'd like to discuss something with you.”
Nora's smile drops, not much, but I notice. “Uh... yeah, I can do that.” Nora takes the seat across from me, next to where Heath's high chair is placed. Now she looks worried. “Have I done something wrong?”
“No, of course not.”
“Not at all. That's the last thing we want you to think this is about.”
Nora glances at Heath. He's oblivious to her, focusing very hard on trying to pick up a Cheerio. “What's it about, then? You both seem serious.”
“It's nothing to worry about, nothing is wrong. We... um...” This was what I wanted, but Nora is such a sweet girl that I'm having a hard time saying it. Dom to the rescue.
“Well, to be blunt. We feel like we're at a point with Heath where we no longer need a live-in caretaker.”
Nora sits back in her chair, and eyes Heath again before nodding. “Oh. I see. So... you're letting me go?”
“No. Not exactly. I would still love for you to travel with me to work, continue caring for Heath when I'm working. We just feel like we can handle things ourselves at home now.”
“Oh... I see...” Nora looks upset.
“It just doesn't seem fair to keep you here with less and less to do, when you could be spending time with your family and friends.”
“Or even doing another job. We don't want you to be bored.” Dom is using his 'charming' TV voice. Good application.
“Oh, I could never be bored here. This little guy here is pure joy.” Nora turns to Heath, wiggling her fingers at him. He giggles. She smiles.
“He is, I won't argue with that. We just feel it's best for everyone. I promise this has nothing to do with your quality of care. When Heath was a newborn, your presence here allowed us to actually rest. Once I was cleared by my doctor, your care allowed me time to get back in the gym and get myself back into shape, while Dom was dealing with business and legal things about that damn movie. I could never have gone back to work so fast and done what I did in London without you.” This brings a smile to Nora's face. “But Heath isn't a newborn anymore. He sleeps through the night, he doesn't need to be fed every four hours anymore. When we're home, there's nothing for you to do. If we can do everything at home ourselves, there's no real reason for us to pay you to be here.”
Dom gives me a look, as if he just thought of something, before looking back at Nora. “Look, if you're concerned about the money, we can keep your salary the same.” He glances at me again. I hadn't thought about that. It's silly to say but money is something I haven't had to worry about for a long time and it never occurred to me. I nod in agreement.
“Absolutely we can do that. I do still need you. Just on the road, not at home. And in the next few weeks you'd be handling more with me on the road, as Dom can't come with me, he has other obligations. So really the pay would even out with the work.” I didn't want her to feel like we were throwing her charity. Nora's smile returns, albeit a small one.
“Well... that doesn't sound so bad. Here I thought I was getting let go completely.”
“Not at all. We told you at least a year and we meant that. We're just... adjusting the terms. If you agree, of course. If you don't like it, you're free to leave.” I already knew better.
“Oh, no! I don't want to leave. I love this job.” Nora turns to Heath again. He looks at her... then throws a Cheerio at her. Nora laughs and boops his nose. Its a cute exchange, but it makes my stomach twist. I don't know why. I force a smile. “See?” She turns back to me. “I'll do whatever you need me to do.”
“We really appreciate it.” My smile is real now. I was afraid she would feel offended and quit.
“More than you know.” Dom smiles too.
Nora stands up, and glances at the time on her smart watch. “I really don't want to be rude, but-”
“Right, right. Go meet your friend. Have fun.”
“Thanks!” She leans over and kisses the top of Heath's head. “See you later, Nugget.” She turns and takes a few steps away, but turns back. “Really though... thank you. For keeping me on. It really means a lot to me.” She smiles again then turns and leaves, before either of us can say anything else.
“Well... that went better than I expected.” I sip my coffee.
“Really? What did you think she was gonna do?”
“I don't know... think we thought she wasn't doing well and this was some kind of downgrade, then quit out of offense.”
“That.... makes no sense, cakes. Honestly, the way she reacted, I think she might even do the job for free. She didn't seem to care about the pay at all.”
I smack my hand on the table lightly. “Yes! You see? You don't think that's a little weird?”
“Is it? I mean, we're us... she's traveling all over the country. Just went to London. Think about it, it's a dream job.”
“I guess so....”
“What's the real issue, Bree?”
I sigh. He knows me so well. “Don't get me wrong, I love the girl. She's great with Heath. There's just something.... off. I can't describe it. Like, I'm not sure I'd leave her totally alone with him.”
Dom reaches across the table and puts his hand over mine. “That has nothing to do with Nora. That's just you not wanting to leave him alone with anyone, other than me”
“That's not true! He's stayed with Wyatt and Amy.”
“They're family.”
“Not the point!”
“My point is... you're just nervous about leaving him with non-family.”
I sigh. “Honestly? I'm nervous about leaving him at all.”
Dom squeezes my hand. “There. Now that you acknowledge that, you can remind yourself that anything you think is strange, or off, is just anxiety talking. There's nothing odd about Nora. She's been here since Heath was born, we'd have picked up on it if there was.”
I look away and sorta huff. “Yeah... you're probably right.”
“I don't like this anxiety of yours, maybe you should see that therapist again.”
I look up, scrunching my brow. “You think so?” I had seen Amy's therapist Dr. Lucio a few times after my rape. She was a huge help.
“It's worth a shot.”
“I don't know if she deals with anxiety. I'll ask.”
Dom nods in approval. “I just want you to feel okay.”
“I do.... most of the time.”
“I'm shooting for all.”
I smile. “Well, I'm shooting for today. Today, I'm great. I have my husband and my son, a good breakfast, and we're going to the park. Oh, and! I'm a champion again.” I smile big.
“Damn right you are.”
“What else do I need?”
“When you put it like that....” Dom grins, before going back to his breakfast. Our meal had been interrupted by speaking to Nora. It hadn't taken all that long so the food was still warm. I go back to mine, too, breaking off a piece of pancake and offering it to Heath.
“Here you go, Nugget. See if you like that.” He grabs it, looks at it a few seconds, then stuffs it into his mouth. A few seconds later, a smile. “Yeah.... I thought you would.”
I am really looking forward to having just family time at home from now on.
{{Afternoon
Metairie, LA
Lafreniere Park}}
We usually take Heath to Kenner City Park, as its closer to home, but Lafreniere Park was having a mini kid's fair today, so we took him there instead. We have Nugget in his stroller, with the little sun roof pulled all the way out. It's a little chilly and windy, but the sun is out too. There's face painting, kiddie carnival games, a dog petting 'zoo.' It's cute. The only thing that looks like it might be age appropriate for Nugget is the dog petting. He's used to Donatella of course, but these pups were bigger. I admit that doesn't take much. We go over and Dom asks the lady overseeing the area if he can go in with one of us. She nods. I start to unstrap Nugget from the stroller, then Dom takes him out. I decided to stand back and watch, let Daddy have this experience. I get out my phone to take pictures. Other parents around me are snapping pics of their kids, too. Most were having fun, but one little girl gets scared and cries when one of the bigger dogs, a Corgi, gets overzealous and knocks her down. Her mom takes her away, and I hope she isn't scared of dogs for life now. I turn back to Dom and Heath, just in time to see the same Corgi licking my son all over his face. Instead of crying like the little girl though, he's laughing. I take a few seconds of video, and then a few pics after Dom gently pulled the dog back. Heath reaches out and patpat's him on the nose. The Corgi licks his hand. I might have to get Donatella a Corgi friend.
Just as Dom is stepping out of the petting area, holding Heath up near his shoulder, a brunette young woman slowly approaches, looking nervous. I immediately know what's happening – she's recognized us. Or at least Dom. I go up to Dom as fast as I can without looking weird, pushing the stroller. The young woman is standing off to the side, looking around, as if she's trying to decide if she's actually going to speak to us. I discreetly point towards her as Dom sets Heath back into the stroller.
“Yeah, I saw her from over there. In the mood?” He means for fan interaction.
“Sure.”
“Alright... let's look approachable.” He smirks. That means, hang around, don't look too busy. I squat in front of Heath and start fiddling with his blanket and the straps, while Dom holds the stroller steady. I can see the woman out of the corner of my eye, and judging by the direction she's looking, I'm pretty sure she's more Dom's fan than mine. At this point in our careers, I'm used to it. I get it, I think he's hot, too. I look around casually, and catch the woman's gaze. I give her a smile. That does it. She smiles back and starts to walk over. I stand up as she gets closer. She stops a few steps away.
“Um... hi?”
I wave my hand at her. “Come on, we don't bite.” I grin. She laughs.
“Sorry... I just don't want to be bothering you.” She flicks her eyes up towards Dom. I was right. I keep grinning.
“Don't be ridiculous.”
“Nonsense.” Dom clearly noticed, too. He offers her his hand. “What's your name?”
“Uh... Claire. It's Claire.” She nervously takes the handshake.
“Good to meet you, Claire. Are you having fun today?”
“Well, I am now.” She giggles. “I mean, I'm here with my brother and my niece. I didn't really want to come, but my niece begged me.”
“That's sweet of you to come for her.” I smile.
“Yeah, she's kind of attached to me, she lost her mom, so...”
“Aww. I'm sorry to hear that.” Sincerely.
“So am I. Sounds like you're a good aunt. How old is she?”
“Three. She was barely a year when her mom passed.”
“That's a shame. But she has you, she's lucky.”
Claire smiles. “I try my best, you know?” She shakes her head nervously. “God, I'm standing here talking about myself to you. This is not what I wanted to say at all.”
“Hey, I asked.” Dom grins. “What did you want to say?”
“Oh, um... just that I've liked your work since your TV show, and I wish there was a way the movie could come out.”
“Thank you. I wish it could, too. I'm pretty proud of the story. But...” Dom shrugs.
“Yeah... right call, but it sucks.” Claire turns back to me, smiling. “Oh, and congrats to you!”
“Thank you.” I smile back.
“You know, I never even watched wrestling until you two go together. I had to see what the big deal was, you know? Now I never miss as show.”
I turn to Dom, smirking. “Look at you, baby. Drawing new wrestling fans and you're not even a wrestler.”
We all laugh. “It's a gift, I guess.”
Claire looks around, and waves to someone in the distance. She turns back. “Well, I don't want to hold you up. It was really great talking to you.” Finally, she seems to notice Heath in his stroller. She waves at him “And this little boy is adorable!”
“Thanks.” “Thank you.” Dom and I say at the same time.
“My brother's waiting for me. Thanks for being cool, and for everything you do.”
“Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy your day.” Dom flashes his TV smile.
“Bye.”
Claire runs off. I watch, and see a little girl running towards her. Claire stoops, catching her in a hug.
“Wasn't she sweet?”
“You're only saying that because she was your fan first.” I poke my tongue out.
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
We laugh. “It is pretty cool though that I somehow created a wrestling fan...”
“I bet there are a lot of people like her. I'm not mad about it.”
We start walking, Dom pushing the stroller. As we go down the sidewalk, I notice a few more people looking in our direction. “We should probably leave now, before we get swarmed.”
“Good idea.”
I lean over and pull the stroller top down, covering Heath as much as I can. I don't want anyone to try to take any pictures. We've been really careful about keeping him out of the media. We start walking a little faster towards where we parked. Wait....
“Oh no... baby... the dog petting...”
“What about it?”
“There were like a dozen people there taking pics of their kids when you were in there with him.”
Dom hesitates in his step a half-second, then continues. “It's probably fine. They were all focused on their own kid. And I had him turned towards you. Don't stress.”
I make myself take a deep breath. This is just the anxiety thing again. “Yeah... you're probably right.”
As we drove away from the park though, my anxiety settled into my stomach, and stayed there all night.