Breakdown 2-15-24
{{ Saturday, January 20
Kenner, LA
Bree's home }}
I wake up, under a throw blanket on the couch. It takes me a few seconds to remember why I'm here instead of in bed. I smell bacon, and assume that and kitchen sounds are what woke me up, from Dom making breakfast. And then I remember. We fought last night. He left for 'a walk.' I sat here to wait for him to come back. I must have fallen asleep before he returned, and he obviously just let me sleep here. I can't decide if it was a nice gesture to not wake me up, or a petty one to keep me out of the bed where he slept alone. I guess the way the morning goes will tell me. I see that it's early, half past six. Heath usually sleeps til around eight. I get up and go to the bathroom, there's a half under the stairs. After taking care of the immediate need, I wash my face and swish some water in my mouth, I don't have any toothpaste or brush in here. This will do for now. Going back into the den, Dom is waiting for me on the couch.
“Oh. Morning.”
“Hey. I heard you get up. Got breakfast ready.”
“So my nose told me. Thanks.”
“If you want, you can sit back here and I'll bring you yours?” We don't often eat outside the kitchen, but I get the idea he's trying to be extra because of last night.
“Okay.” I grin and sit back where I was, and pull the throw back over me. He gets up, sets up some folding trays, then goes into the kitchen. A few minutes later he comes back in, with a tray. Setting it down on his little table, he places a plate and a mug of coffee on mine. On the plate is the bacon I smelled, a biscuit, and a fried egg, over easy, the way I like it.
“Thanks.”
After getting his own plate and mug settled, he sits next to me and we have breakfast, in silence. What strikes me the most about it is that he's not reading things on his phone like he usually does in the morning. I wonder if he's waiting for me to say something first, but I don't know what to say. Done, I sit back against the couch, sipping my coffee. I then notice he's done too, and had probably been waiting on me.
“Did you have enough?”
“I did, thank you.”
“There's bacon left.”
“Okay.” I sip again. I don't want any more food. I want him to say whatever it is he's clearly leading up to here.
“I hope you don't mind that I let you sleep out here. I didn't feel right waking you up.”
“It's okay. How was your walk?”
He sits back and sighs. “Not much of one, really. I just went up to the levee and sat there. The lake is very peaceful in the middle of the night.”
“I bet it is. Quiet.”
“Exactly. Great place to clear ones head and sort out thoughts.”
“Did that work for you?”
“Yes.” He sits up again and turns a little sideways to face me better. “First of all, I'm sorry for last night.” I nod. “You were just telling me how you feel and I took it personally. That's not fair to you.”
“Thank you.” So far, so good.
“Here's the thing. I don't think I'm ever going to understand why you see things the way you do, how you can't separate screen me from real me. But... you're right in that I do need to accept it. Or at least try my best to do so. I don't ever want you to feel pressure from me to do anything you're uncomfortable with, and if that includes not watching my work, then... so be it.” He lets out a slow breath, it seems like he's trying to keep his emotions in check. I didn't realize until this second how much my refusal to watch it hurt him. What if he refused to come to Body, Heart, and Soul with me? It's the same thing, and I'm kicking myself for not seeing it that way until now.
“Thank you. I should apologize, too. I admit I didn't realize how much it meant to you for me to see your work. I'm sorry for the way I am, I truly wish I could change it. I enjoyed most of your other projects, its just this one. I can't...” I stop myself, shaking my head. I don't want to start the argument again.
“Yeah, I get you.”
“I will support you in every other way I can. And if you're worried about interviews, maybe you could give me a few talking points to mention, so it doesn't sound like I haven't seen it at all.” I had that idea last night while I waited for him.
“Yeah... that's a good idea. I can do that.” He reaches across the couch to me, gesturing for my hand. It's the first time he's tried to touch me in any way in over two weeks. I give it to him, and he squeezes it. “I absolutely hate fighting with you, Bree.”
“I hate it, too.”
“We've been too far apart lately.” Finally, it's acknowledged.
“I know. Since that article came out.”
“I guess thought you'd want space.”
“I guess I thought that you thought I was mad and wouldn't want to.”
“Maybe that was a part of it. Are you?”
“At you? No.” Even if everything is true, I can't be mad. I'm doing the same thing. Dom grins a little, and gently tugs on my hand, as if to pull me closer. I move over, and he leans in to kiss me. I let him, and give back, and he holds my face. After a few moments, he pulls away just far enough to talk.
“There's nothing and no one that I love more than you.”
“I love you, too.” It sounds wimpy compared to his declaration, and I start to add something to it, but he kisses me again. It must have been enough for him. Pulling me a little more insistent this time, I let him pull me over to straddle his lap. I knew he wasn't going to avoid me forever and at the moment, I want this. It's just now that I realize I'm still wearing last night's top. I had taken the slacks off and tossed them aside to get comfy on the couch. We soon move in familiar, practiced ways. I pull my top off and rise to my knees while he pushes his pants down out of the way. I do have panties on, but instead of struggling to pull them off, he just reaches down and moves the thin strip of fabric to the side.
What I guess to be about ten or so minutes later, I'm sitting back on the couch, leaning against Dom, as he has his arm around me. I have the throw blanket over me, covering my bare chest. He'd simply pulled his pants back up.
“Can we try to not let the media shit interfere with us again?”
“Absolutely.”
The media had nothing to do with why I had been perfectly content with Dom keeping a distance, so agreeing to that was easy. With the deed done though, I have to admit that it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, resuming this after things with me and Josh had progressed the way it did. It's a strange feeling, though. While I definitely enjoyed it, and finished... something was just off, and I'm not completely satisfied. A voice in the back of my head whispered while were in the middle of things, questioning if he was fucking around, did he do the same things with her as with me, or totally different? Like that one thing from New Year's Eve that he'd never done with me before. Nothing really strange, just raising one leg up with me on my back, but it's just something he'd never done. And he hadn't since that night, either. Not that we'd had sex a whole lot since then, but still. It's such a small thing that shouldn't bother me, but it does. I never asked about it, and I don't plan to. Sitting here leaning on him though, I can't pretend I don't know what to believe about the article anymore. At least not to myself. I'm almost certain that while some of the details are probably exaggerated or even made up, that he's definitely doing something, regardless what he's said about it. I can't explain why I believe that, there was nothing about the way we just had sex that was different, or strange, or suspicious. We'd done it the exact same way, in this exact spot, dozens of times. I just have a feeling in my chest. One that, in the past, has never been wrong.
{{ Wednesday, January 24
Kenner, LA
Bree's home }}
I've often wondered why is it, that every time I start to have some success at work, it happens at a time when my personal life is in flames. Maybe I train and focus harder to distract myself? Or maybe it's just coincidence. Whatever the reason, it's happening again. With everything going on around me at home, somehow at Body, Heart, and Soul, I managed to outwrestle and outlast both Alistaire Allocco and Autumn Valentine, taking the Adrenaline Championship home with me. Dom came with me, as he always does for pay perv views. He was backstage and met me at gorilla after the match. He did and said all the right things, just like every other time I've been victorious at a big show. Jaina and Marie kept Heath in their room over night. Dom and I celebrated with wine and sex, and it was good. Better than the day on the couch. But the best part of the night for me, was the text I got from Josh congratulating me for winning the championship. It was simple: [Gold suits you. Congrats love.] It stayed in my mind all night, and through the whole flight home.
A few days removed from BHS, it was back to business as usual. Well, mostly. Yesterday didn't go as usual, in that Josh and I didn't stay after classes for our training session. I couldn't, Heath picked up a cold on the trip to BHS, and I didn't want to leave him at the day care and potentially spread it to the other kids. So, Jaina has been staying at my house with him while both Dom and I work, and then I go straight home after. Josh obviously understood, but we were both clearly disappointed. It meant no going to his place after our training, also as usual, for our other activities.
Today, I get home right around five in the afternoon. Jaina is in the den on the couch, with Heath laying on her, using her leg as a pillow. His cheeks are a little flushed and he's breathing with his mouth slightly open. Poor little bub. I can't help but think about last year, when he was so sick and in the hospital for weeks. I know this isn't anything like that, it's just a typical cold, but it kills me to see him feeling so miserable. Jaina hears me walking in and looks up. She whispers as I walk into the den.
“Hey. He just went down about ten minutes ago. He had his medicine.”
I whisper back. “Then he should go right back to sleep if he wakes while you take him upstairs, so you can go.”
Jaina nods, and carefully picks him up, pulling him to her chest. He's nearly two years old now, so not so small to hold like a baby anymore, but she manages. He stirs a little with the movement as she stands, but doesn't wake up fully.
“I'll be right back.”
Jaina head upstairs, slowly, to not jostle him awake. I'm in the kitchen looking around for what I will do for dinner, when my phone rings. I smile when I see it's Josh. He knows it's safe to call, Dom is working late all week again. They are really determined to wrap on time.
“Hey you.”
“Hey yourself. Made it home?”
“Yeah.”
“How's the boy?”
“Pitiful. But asleep. Jaina gave him medicine not too long ago, so he's napping. She just took him upstairs.”
“Oh, she's still there?”
“Yeah, but she's upstairs. It's okay.” As in, we can talk, she isn't listening.
“I don't suppose she could stay an hour or two longer?” I can hear teasing in his voice. But there's a thread of seriousness, too. I understand.
“I wish. But she and Marie have plans.”
“Worth a shot. I miss you.”
I laugh. “You were literally with me all day today.”
“Working doesn't count.”
“I know.” I sigh, and listen for any sounds of Jaina on the stairs. Silence. “I miss you, too. We'll make up for it when Heath gets over this.”
“I'm sure we will.”
“It's been a few days already, I'm thinking maybe Friday he'll be okay and I can stay with you a while.”
“I hope so. Both for him and for us.”
I realize I've been staring into the fridge the entire time we've been talking. I slam the door. I'll just call for take-out. Dom will be back late anyway.
“Do you really miss me that much?” I have the same teasing tone in my voice that he did. I lean against the fridge, staying in the kitchen because it's further from the stairs.
“It's been a while.”
Over a week. That is a while, compared to our routine. “I guess it has, huh.” I listen for stair noise again. Still silent. “I promise I'll make it worth the wait.”
“Don't make promises you can't keep.”
“Oh, I would never.” Overhead, I hear a floorboard creak. It's a spot a few steps down the hall from Heath's room. Shit. “I should go, I think she's coming down.”
“Alright. I guess I'll see you tomorrow, coworker.” I laugh. “I'm just giving you shit. It'll happen when it happens.”
“It'll be soon, okay? We'll have some real time together. Maybe I'll find an excuse to spend the night.”
“Now you're just teasing me.”
“I am.” I listen, and hear nothing else. Maybe I was wrong and Jaina wasn't coming down.
“You should go. Love you.”
I'm still getting used to this part. “I love you, too.”
The call clicks. I sigh.
Pushing away from the fridge where I was leaning, I turn to go back into the den... and Jaina steps off the bottom stair step. She's staring at me.
“What? Is Heath okay?”
“He's fine. But you... who the fuck were you just talking to?”
Shit! She must have heard the last thing I said. “Dom called me during a break. He-”
“Bullshit! There's zero reason why a woman would have to find an excuse to spend the night with her husband. So who was it?”
Fuck. She heard more than I thought. “Jaina...” I don't know what to say. She isn't wrong. But I can't answer her. Can I? She crosses her arms as she leans against the newel post.
“I mean, I'm pretty sure I know who it was, I just want you to admit it.”
“Oh really? And who exactly do you think I was talking to?”
“Josh.” She didn't even hesitate. How...? I can't form a thought to say. The look on my face must have given me away. “That's what I thought.” She smirks at me. Finally, my brain puts words together.
“What did you hear me say?”
“Something about having real time together, making excuses, and 'I love you.' I'm right, aren't I? It was Josh.”
“What makes you think that?”
She glares. “Aunt Bree! Answer me.”
I know my niece, and she won't give up. I sigh. “Okay. Yes.”
“I knew it! Like, before just now. I knew.” She shakes her head at me, but she doesn't seem angry. I'm relieved, but also confused. I step back and sit in a chair at the kitchen island. I can't have this conversation standing.
“How long have you thought so?”
“Since New Year's. The way you reacted watching him fight Simon, and then practically ran to talk to him afterwards.” I look down. I had hoped no one picked up anything other than concern for the friend who defended me in that. But Jaina is and always has been the most observant person I've ever known. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised she figured me out. “Oh, and how Mom was oddly completely silent the whole time you were gone. She knows too, doesn't she?”
“Yes. She was the first who did.” I wasn't going to tell Jaina how Amy knew. I make myself look up. “Jaina, you can't-”
“I'm not gonna give you away, don't worry.” She comes into the kitchen and sits across from me at the island.
“Thank you. I... can't imagine what you think of me right now.”
“I don't care. Not gonna judge. If you haven't noticed, I kinda play around myself. Why do you think I refuse to be in a serious relationship?” Because Jordan Majors exists, but I'm not gonna say that.
“Then why did you keep pressing me?”
Jaina shrugs. “I wanted to know if I was right. I admit I'm shocked. Like... you're the last person I'd ever expect to fuck around.”
“I never thought I would either, but here we are.” The fact she isn't screaming at me or even upset at all is making it easier for me to talk about it.
“Can I ask you some questions? Totally will stay in this room.” I shrug. Might as well at this point. “Is it because of that article? Like, it's true and you know it so you just did your own thing too?”
“No. There's no proof anything in the article is true.” I make a mental note to call Lisa and ask about the alleged pictures.
“I didn't ask about proof. Do you think it's true?”
“I think some of it is.” I hadn't said that out loud before now. I'd said so in texts to Josh, but not verbally. “I don't know if I believe the internet is right about who.”
“Did you ask him?”
“Not directly. I don't know if I care enough to do that. I mean, you heard me.”
“Right.” Jaina nods, and sits back in her chair, taking it all in. “So... what are you gonna do?”
“I haven't figured that out yet. I'm just taking things day by day.”
“I guess that's all you can do.” She hesitates a moment, then leans forward. “Well, if there's anything I can do to help, just ask. Keep Heath any time I can, cover for you, whatever.”
“You would do that? Lie for me?”
“Aunt Bree. You called a priest an asshole and left the church for me. You took me to my abortion appointment. I would do anything for you.”
I smile, trying not to cry. “Thanks, Jay.”
We chatted a little longer, then Jaina had to leave, she and Marie were going to a concert. I went up to Heath's room, and watched him sleep. He was breathing normally, and it looked like the redness was gone from his cheeks. Maybe he'd be okay in the morning.
{{ Friday, February 2
Kenner, LA
Bree's home }}
The Agent: SEAL crew officially wrapped today around noon. Dom had called to tell me he was coming home early. I spent the rest of the afternoon at BOA trying to decide how to feel about it. I'm definitely glad filming is over. Every time he's working on something, it causes some kind of problem with us. This time is obviously the worst, and maybe things will calm down with it being done. On the other hand, I'm annoyed. I was counting on Dom spending the last filming day staying late to get done, giving me the chance to go to Josh's after class like we talked about. Heath was better now, so he was at day care and we planned for Amy to take him and Jalyn home with her, like we'd been doing. Except now I can't do that, because Dom will be home before me, and expect me there after classes. Josh was understandably disappointed when I told him, but he understood. One thing he said though has stuck in my head all day. “I can't wait until I have you all to myself.” He could have easily just meant spending time alone, but I knew what he really meant – for good. I still haven't been able to answer his question from almost a month ago now; if I intend to have something real with him, at some point. He hasn't asked again directly, but he's hinted at it. And I've pretended I didn't pick up the hint. I just can't answer that. It's not that I don't want to... I don't know if I can. I'm not sure I really want to give up on what I already have just yet.
Anyway, it's afternoon now and I got home a few minutes ago. Dom took Heath from me to sit on the floor in the den and play with him a while. I'm on the couch, watching. This is the part I'm not sure about giving up. Dom is such a great father and I don't know if it's fair to ruin that over something I want. Isn't that selfish? Sure, we've had other issues about his job, but we've always worked through them before. We could do that now. Probably. If I wanted to.
I jump a little as my phone rings in my pocket. Dom doesn't notice, he's in the middle of holding a block tower steady so Heath can add to the top. I grin at them before I look at my phone. Lisa. My heart races as I answer. She would only be calling me for one reason.
“Hello?”
“Hi Bree. Can you talk?”
“Uh... Halfway.”
“Half... oh. You're not alone. You can just listen. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I'd prefer to wait until you can talk freely, but some of this is time sensitive. You'll have to temper your reactions. It's... not the best.”
“I understand.” Fuck fuck fuck! Wait... why am I upset? Maybe this was the out I wanted.
“Okay. Firstly, about the alleged pictures. My source got more information. They did exist. His contact at Hollywood Update saw them personally, on the woman's phone. She refused to send them over unless and until they decided to use them.”
“Wow.” That was all I allowed myself to say.
“But... they don't exist anymore. The woman was advised by her lawyer to delete them. Something about the potential to be criminally charged with some kind of privacy or voyeurism violation. Especially since they were of an intimate nature. Partial nudity.”
“I see.”
“I'm sure you have questions you can't ask.”
“A few.” I can barely breathe, first of all. They were real. This news guy had no reason to lie, especially if he thought he was talking off the record.
“I'll try to anticipate them and answer for you. Do we know for sure the man in the pictures was Dominic? No. According to the Update contact, the woman's head obscured the man's face. But in his opinion, it looked like him otherwise.”
“Okay.” Okay, so there's still a chance it was someone else.
“Do we know for sure the woman was Amanda Verot? Also no. But she was brunette, with the same type of hairstyle, although a common one.”
“I see.” Dom finally looks up at me. My voice must sound off. I silently say “work.” He nods and turns back to Heath.
“Uh, let's see, what else might you want to know...”
“That covered it.”
“Okay. So, we're pretty much where we started. They existed, but now they don't, so there is still nothing concrete on any of this.”
“Fantastic.”
“I wish it was better news. And my other reason for calling isn't going to make things better, I'm afraid.”
“What else?”
“Know that I'm telling you this before Dominic. I feel you should have a slightly higher heads up.”
“Go on.”
“My source has heard about another article being researched. Same topic, with another witness.”
“What?” I couldn't keep the shock out of my voice. But as far as Dom knows, it could be about anything.
“That's what I said. This one apparently saw something different than the first woman, and is prepared to name the woman for the right price.”
“Sweet baby Jesus.” That hasn't come out of my mouth in a long time. It tells me how rattled I am.
“He didn't get details about what exactly this person saw. Only that they plan to have it ready to publish sometime in the next week or so. Probably after they figure out if they can get a name or not.”
“Thank you for letting me know.”
“Of course. I plan to speak to Dominic about it tomorrow. I just thought I should tell you first.”
“I appreciate it.”
“If I get any more information about it, I'll contact you.”
“I have a question.”
“Uh... okay? Are you sure?”
“Did you ask him?” I know she will know what I mean.
“Oh. Yes, I did.”
“And?” I hold my breath.
“Bree. You know I can't answer that.”
“Was there an answer?”
“There was. And that's all I can tell you.” Her voice is steady, no sign of what that answer may have been. Lisa is fucking good at her job and most of the time I love that about her, but right now I hate it. If it was anyone else, I might assume the fact she won't tell me means the answer was yes. But knowing Lisa and her professionalism, she wouldn't tell me either way. I know it. I sigh.
“Okay.”
“I know you had to try. Please understand my position here.”
“I do. Really.”
“Thank you. That's all I had for you.”
“It was enough.”
“I know. I'm sorry. I'll keep you as updated as I can.”
“Appreciate it.”
“Try to have a good evening.”
“You do the same.”
I tap the screen and lower my phone slowly, watching Dom and Heath. Dom is still holding the block tower up. Suddenly, Heath swings his arm wildly and knocks them all down, then he laughs so hard he makes himself fall on his butt.
“You broke it! Oh noooo!” Dom's silly voice makes Heath laugh harder. I can't help but giggle. This should be all that matters, my family. But what if it's already gone?
* * * * *
It's now nearly midnight, Heath has been in bed sleeping for hours. We've been in bed too, but not sleeping. I'm sitting up in bed while Dom showers, holding the blanket over me while I try to process everything that's happened today.
It took all of my self control to go through the day as if nothing was wrong after I spoke to Lisa. Dom suggested we go out for dinner to celebrate the end of filming. Since I am genuinely glad that's over, I agreed. We took Heath with us, and made sure to go somewhere we knew we'd be seen. Dom's idea, to give the media something to report. Look at them, they're having a family dinner out, nothing is wrong in paradise! Or some such bullshit. Just like the last time we did that, we were seen, and pictures did get taken. I actually had a great time, and for a little while... almost forgot about the cloud over our heads.
But the cloud is back. It's darker than ever, and for the first time since this mess started, I have perfect clarity about it all.
The last hour or so was quite possibly the strangest stretch of time in our entire relationship. Dom had heavily hinted at going to bed for fun, and I had no reason to turn him down. I had enjoyed the last time and we had a nice night. Things started as usual for us, until Dom did the weird thing again. With my leg up. I didn't react or say anything because honestly? I like it. Not long into that, he reached down for my other leg. This time though he stopped and gave me a questioning look, asking if it was okay. I nodded, so he lifted that one too and continued on. Although it was a position I'd never experienced with Dom before, I had in the past with others, and Josh does it with me now, and I really like it. I did my best to just enjoy it. But, the two men feel very different, and I couldn't stop my brain from comparing them. At that point Dom started to act even more out of character – and I use that phrase very intentionally – by going faster and harder than usual. We'd taken a break from the more rough style after my attack, but eventually got back to it. I like it that way sometimes, and he usually asks first. Except it's been months now, and he didn't ask. There was no indication at all he was going to do it until he was doing it. I didn't react, I let it happen, maybe not asking first was a good thing. Maybe spontaneous railing would make it better. And at first, it was. I was completely into it, until he started harder than he ever had before. I didn't hate it really, and he wasn't hurting me (in a bad way), but it was so strange. It was like a completely different man was on top of me, one I'd never met. I kept going though, trying to get myself back into it, reminding myself who I was with. He finished, I didn't. I realized I was glad he was done, though. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel violated, or assaulted. I never asked him to stop or even acted like I wasn't into it. I was trying to be. But I just... couldn't. It was too different. Too.... not my husband. Even though it was. With it over with, I realized I hated it.
Dom comes out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist. “Your turn, babe.”
“Okay. In a minute.”
He sits next to me. “Still recovering?”
“Something like that.” I try to smile.
“Are you okay? I mean... was that okay? I forgot to ask first...”
“Yeah. I'm fine. You're fine. You don't have to do that, you know.”
“What, ask?” I nod, except as I do I wish I hadn't said it all. “Are you sure?”
“I'm sure. It was fun.” That is a blatant lie, but I can't walk it back at this point. He smiles.
“Good. I'll remember that next time.”
I smile back and remove the blanket to get up. “I'm gonna have my shower now.”
In the shower, I sit there on the bench under the hot water.
Perfect clarity.
One, Dom is absolutely getting ideas or inspiration from somewhere else other than my bed, I have no doubt about that anymore. And two... I don't want to do this with him again. There's nothing right about us anymore, everything is wrong.
I have to end this.
{{ Wednesday, February 14
Portland, OR
Bree's
hotel room }}
There's a knock at my hotel room door. I open it without looking through the peephole, I already know it's Josh.
I am here in Portland for Breakdown early. It's a long flight from home, and coming early makes it easier to work. I would have sacrificed it if Dom had made a big deal about it due to it being Valentine's Day, except he did the opposite. The director called for some reshoots that needed to be done ASAP so Dom has to work all day and most of the night, He encouraged me to just leave early, and promised he'd do something special for me when I got home. I feigned disappointment but in reality I was relieved. Since that night I'd managed to avoid any more marital sex, which wasn't all that hard really. He'd only tried once, but I put him off by claiming fatigue from training. He accepted that easily and that was that. It was just more evidence in my brain that he didn't care because he was getting it somewhere else. Like I was. But I wouldn't have been able to turn it down tonight without raising questions or suspicions. This way, I don't have to. And when I get home? I'll claim a minor injury from my match as a reason to abstain. I haven't figured out beyond that, but I'll worry about that at the time.
What I have figured out, is when and how I'm going to handle things with Dom. I said nothing to no one about what I'd decided. I meditated every night for a week, looking for a reason, any reason, to back down from it. I couldn't find one. Only more reasons I had to do it. The new article Lisa had warned me about hadn't come out yet. She doesn't know why, but I almost wish it had. It would give me more back up. It doesn't matter anymore if it's true or not, the fact that I believe it is means I no longer trust him, and I can't live with that. I can wait until the right time, though. Agent: SEAL is dropping on streaming March 1, right before Retribution. I fully plan to still be Adrenaline Champion on that night and be defending it. With those two important things coming up, I've decided to wait until after them both to tell Dom. It might not sound like it, but I do still love him, I'm always going to. I don't want to do this before the show releases and ruin what's supposed to be the best project of his career so far. I can let him have the debut and the first week's streaming numbers before I light everything on fire.
Tonight though? I plan to tell Josh. It's the answer he's been waiting for.
Josh said yes immediately when I asked him to meet me here for Breakdown. We flew separately just like the last time he came to a show. I had told him Jaina knows now, and she offered to keep both Heath and Jalyn in her room tonight. Josh normally gets a room in a separate hotel from the SCW crew, but that would have made sorting the babies out impossible, so he booked a cheap room a few floors below mine, under a fake name. Watching him walk into my room, it was clear he'd taken great care in making sure he wasn't recognized coming up here.
“Nice hat.” I smirk. It's a cowboy hat. I never thought I'd see something like that on his head.
“Shut it. It worked.” He takes it off and tosses it across the room. It lands on the floor in the corner. “That's what's important.”
“No, what's important is that Jaina has the babies for the night, and we have all night to ourselves.” She'd gone down to his room to collect Jalyn. Jaina walking around carrying a child wrapped in a blanket would get no strange looks; everyone in SCW knows she looks after Heath for me on the road. All she had to do was keep the girl's face covered.
“You're right. That's most important.”
The next second he has his arms around me, and the next second, we're kissing deeply. Somehow, we make our way to the bed and undressed, I don't remember any specific actions how any of that happened. It's been over a week again since the last time we were together, and we're both needy. First hes on me, then he flips us so that I'm sitting on him. He likes me to take control and tonight, I am definitely in the mood to do so. I find myself more assertive than I usually am, setting both the pace and intensity at a higher level than usual, too.
Finished for now, I lay next to Josh, both of us catching our breath on our backs.
“You're in a good mood tonight.” He smirks, pleased.
“I missed you.”
“You always miss me. It's more than that.” He reaches over and trails his hand down my side, and rests it on top of my mound. I grin.
“Okay, maybe. There's something I want to talk to you about.”
“Does it have anything to do with this belonging to me?” He squeezes me there gently.
“Oh it does, does it?”
“Yes, it does. Whether the actor knows it or not.” I shake my head, grinning. “I'm not really fond of sharing my property, but I'll tolerate it as long as you admit it. It's mine.” He gives me another squeeze, then rubs gently. Even though we just finished a few minutes ago, if he keeps doing that, I won't get around to saying what I want to say. I put my hand on top of his to stop him. He does immediately, but I let him keep his hand there.
“About that... you haven't been sharing much, not the last few weeks anyway. Since that fight.”
“I'd say I'm sorry to hear that, except I'm not.”
“I didn't think you would be. But what I have to say, you'll be happy to hear.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes.” I move to lay on my side to face him, and his hand falls to my leg. That's probably safer.
“Oh, you're serious. Okay.” He turns to his side too, matching me to face me.
“Yes, I am. I have an answer for you.”
“An answer for what?” I give him a look. “Oh. That.”
“That. I settled on it over a week ago, but I wanted to sit with it a little while, see if I stuck with it. If it kept feeling like the right thing to do. Nothing's changed since the night I made the decision. I know it's the right one. You asked me if this, us, was something I planned on working towards. My answer is yes. I love you. This, us, I want it.” He smiles, and I'm tempted to let him respond, but I'm not done. “But, I can't do that if I'm married. Not if we're gonna do it right.”
“Bree...” He sounds worried, he must have forgotten I said he would be happy to hear this. I lay my hand over his arm.
“So... I'm going to leave him.”
Josh just looks at me a moment, as if he didn't hear me. Then, “What? Seriously?”
“You have to understand that it won't be right away, or anything close to easy, for anyone. But yes, I will.”
“Not that I'm not ecstatic to hear that.... but what happened? This seems out of nowhere.”
“It's really not. A lot of things happened. Some of them have nothing to do with you. Things have been off with me and him since the actor's strike, before you got to New Orleans in the first place. I thought it was just stress from the strike, and then from going back to work and working so much to get finished on time. The usual when he's working on something. But it's different this time. He's different.”
“I'm not sure if I want to know this, but how so?”
I hesitate. There are some things I am never going to tell Josh. Like about the last time Dom and I had sex. Josh would probably literally kill him then go to work like nothing happened.
“It's hard to explain. He's just not himself. The details around it aren't important, but one day I just suddenly realized that I do believe that woman. The article. There's no proof whatsoever, but I'd bet my title belt that he's fucking around. I just know. I think I've known for a while, I just didn't want to admit it.”
“Why not? Isn't it easier for you if he is? For us?”
“I don't know. I guess I just never thought he'd ever consider it, much less actually do it. But...”
I gesture between us, then put my hand back on his arm. “If I'm capable of it? Anyone is.”
“This might sound insincere, or hypocritical, or maybe both... but I'm genuinely sorry to hear he's doing this to you.”
“I believe you. But you know the weird thing? I'm not even mad. I can't be. I just wish he'd tell me the truth and get it over with. Get all of this over with.”
“I'm assuming this means you haven't told him yet.”
“No, but I have it planned. After his show drops, after Retribution. I don't want to distract him from that, I don't want to do anything that would affect his career. You have to understand that I do love him, and I'm always going to. He's my son's father. I just can't live with him anymore.”
“I do understand that.” Of course he does. He didn't choose to leave his wife. She was killed. I'm sure he still loves her, too.
“Like I said, it's gonna take some time. But I am going to do it. I promise you that.”
Looking deep into my eyes, Josh reaches up and cups my face. “Fuck, I love you.” He pulls me forward and kisses me. A few seconds later he pulls away, and trails his hand down my body again, resting in the place it was before. “So, I was right. This does belong to me.” He smirks.
“Yes. It's yours.” He starts rubbing me gently again. I don't stop him this time.
“Remember that I don't like sharing.”
“I will do my best to avoid it, trust me. But I can't promise anything.”
“I understand. Just... don't tell me about it.”
“Deal.”
Leaning in to kiss me again, Josh rubs me a little harder. I lay back to give him full access. I can't deny the man his property.
ON CAMERA
Is this the path you want to go down with me, Simon?
Is it, truly?
Sister Bree this, and savior that. Walk with you, you say.
Listen. I was raised Catholic and practiced off and on for most of my life. If anyone knows anything about spiritual bullshit... it's me. And all I hear from you right now Simon, is the same song and dance the Church gave me for three decades.
Confess your sins! Repent before the Lord! Only he can absolve you of your sin. Walk with Him daily, let Him into your life, and you'll be rewarded with the glory of heaven and everlasting life!
It's a nice story. And a comforting thought for millions of people around the world. But it's false. There's nothing worse than a story claiming to be Truth as a front for controlling people's lives. That's exactly what you're trying to do, Simon. And you're not even doing it well. If you want to gain more traction creating this following of yours, I suggest you attend a few High Mass' and take notes.
Until then, though. Let's talk about Truth. It seems to be a popular topic between you and I. You claim to know truths about my family and me. I know I know the truth about you. You keep saying you're going to expose me, expose Amy, expose my brother.... yet you've done nothing. Your words are empty threats, just like your promises of salvation to anyone who walks with you.
I don't make empty threats, or empty promises. If I say I'm going to do something... I do it. I am and have always been a woman of my word. I don't break promises and I don't make promises I can't keep. So pay very close attention to me right now, because this is important. If you keep pushing me, threatening me and my family?
I will expose all of your truths to the world. The ones I know, anyway. And before you get comfortable in the idea that those truths involve other people and you don't believe I would ever betray them... understand that I have their full permission and support to do so if it becomes necessary. Yes... that includes from Amy.
So you sit with that, Simon. Think about this rift between the two of you, the whole reason you came after me in the first place, just because she refused to speak to you. Remind yourself of everything that's ever happened between you. Your friendship, your business partnership, your shared disease. And of course, the events that caused your falling out. As you consider all those things, ask yourself if you really want to risk everything being exposed.
You say you don't care, you claim you're a changed man, saved. Redeemed. But I see right through that. There's nothing changed about you, other than your clothes and your entrance music. You're exactly like the believers who go to confession every week to ask for forgiveness, then repeat the same sins over, just to confess again. Over and over.
This didn't have to turn out this way. This didn't have to be personal. I know there's a long standing history of personal attacks between you and I, going back to the days I was with Blake and we... well, we kinda terrorized you. I felt bad about that for a long time. You and I even spoke about it. I apologized, you forgave me. We even got a long fairly well there for a little while, because of Amy and BlackOut Academy. We worked together training those students. Until you got yourself fired, anyway. Why was that, by the way?
Oh, I remember.
You lost it. You lost your everloving mind, all because Amy refused to speak to you, for damn good reasons if you ask me. I had nothing to do with your falling out with her, yet you dragged me into it. You got Josh Hudson's attention, for antagonizing two of his friends. You got him to go back to the ring just to kick your ass for daring to insult and threaten us! And kick your ass is what he did, too. Everyone saw it. The blood, the stretcher. That was supposed to be the end of this.
But that didn't stop you, did it? No, you're still coming after me! And worse, now you're coming after my Adrenaline Championship. You're trying to make this about business, about the desire to represent SCW as one of the best, but you're as transparent as glass, Simon. You aren't interested in becoming Adrenaline Champion. You're only interested in continuing to antagonize me, because you aren't getting the attention you want from someone else, that being Amy.
It would be pathetic, if it wasn't so infuriating.
How dare you use my championship as a prop in whatever mindgames you're trying to play with her? How dare you?!
This isn't a prop. This is the Supreme Championship Wrestling Adrenaline Championship. This represents being one of the best in the world at what we do. It's an honor to carry this championship and to defend it against all challengers. That challenger this week is you, and you are the last person who comes to mind when I think of the word honor. At one time you were considered to be the nicest man in the business, the most respectable, respected... and yes, even honorable. But not anymore. You threw that away when you took your first step down this path of yours. Now your path crosses mine, with the Adrenaline Championship hanging in the balance.
I'm not gonna let you do it. I'm not gonna let you drag the Adrenaline Championship into your bullshit, like you managed to drag me. And once Breakdown is over with, and I walk away still Adrenaline Champion? I wash my hands of you, Simon. You will no longer be my problem or my concern... unless you force my hand in keeping my word about exposing the truths to the world that I know you would rather keep hidden.
The Truth always wins, Simon. And when it comes to you and me? So do I.