Breakdown 2-24-23
So, there's been good stuff and bad stuff. The good? Dom doesn't have to go back to LA until further notice. Everyone is still waiting for news on the series. Will it get picked up? By who? Where will filming be? When will filming start? All questions that can't be answered until the first one is. Dom says it's been so long since he did TV that he forgot how much the waiting game sucks. Movies tend t work in the opposite way. A script is greenlit, a studio signs on, then production looks for cast. The movie and TV business is so weird. Anyway, point is that I won't be traveling with just Nora to stay with Heath while I do SCW things. She's great and all but I like having my husband with me. I plan to enjoy as much of it as I can, cause it's very likely that if and when this series gets picked up, Dom will be busy on a set and won't be able to come with me.
I know, most people tend to talk about the bad news first, but I saved it for second because it deals with SCW and that deserves a certain focus. There was a four-way match featuring myself, Glory, Selena, and Adam Allocco. I did my best as usual but I didn't get the win. I was upset about that, I had hoped to continue to show I earned my place and am a deserving champion, but history shows that multi-person matches and I do not get along. The silver lining though is that I also did not take the fall. Selena got Adam down. I have to admit that made me smile just a little. He is such an asshole. And even though Syren decking him knocked me over in the process of her costing him the match, I dare say he deserved it. That might be my inner petty bitch talking though.
The mess after that match though? Holy shit. I wasn't expecting things to break down like that. I wasn't going to let Selena get attacked out of nowhere by God only knows what personality of Nicole Kinneck's. I know, I know... it's strange to see me helping Selena. But at some point a woman just has to move on from the past. Anyway, I got jumped for my troubles, Datura ran in to help me, and by the time it was over it seemed half the roster was out there. Nothing got better the following week, so for Body, Heart, and Soul... twelve of us were booked into a giant clusterfuck tag match. Have I mentioned that multi-person matches and I don't get along? At least I have Liz on my side.
{{Sunday, February 5
Kenner, LA
Bree's house}}
It's morning and I am woken up by my phone ringing. I notice the time, just after 7 AM. I then see it's Jaina calling.
“Jay?”
“Aunt Bree! Where are you guys? We're gonna be late. I'm outside waiting for you.”
I sit up. “What? No, we're not leaving until ten.”
“Wrong! It's scheduled for eight!”
Oh no. “Are you sure?”
“Uh, yeah, I'm looking at the text you sent me a few days ago. Unless something changed?”
“Just... come inside, let me make a call.”
I end the call, and immediately call Pete, my pilot.
“Good morning, Bree.”
“Pete, hi. I have a weird question. When are we scheduled to leave this morning?”
“In about an hour. Wait... don't tell me you're not here yet?”
“Ohhhmygooooddd.” I feel my heart start racing in panic. How did I mix this up?
“I take that as you aren't.”
“I thought it was ten! Can we push it back?”
“There's a bit of leeway for minor delays, but going til ten would-”
“Okay, okay, okay We'll be there. I'll see you as soon as I can.”
Ending that call, I see Dom is up now.
“Are we late?”
“Extremely.”
We look at each other a second or two, then both jump out of bed. I don't think I've ever gotten dressed so fast in my life. Dom starts getting our bags together while I go to wake up Nora and Heath. Luckily, they are already up, and Nora had her bag packed last night. Me though? I always pack certain things shortly before leaving. With Nora taking Heath and her bag downstairs to meet Jaina, I rush back into my room to get things together. Dom holds up a jacket of mine.
“Do you need this?”
“Uh.... maybe? Just throw it in.” I have no idea what the weather is supposed to be in Nashville. I go into the bathroom and grab my essentials bag – a small canvas bag that has duplicates of toiletry items. Toothbrush and paste, deoderant, face wash, a hair brush, my ring makeup, which is different than normal makeup cause it has to look right on TV. That kind of stuff. I dig through to make sure everything is there. It is. I then grab Dom's similar bag, which is much smaller than mine, and go back into the bedroom.
“Okay, I have everything except those. Hand them here.” I give him the bags, and he shoves mine into my suitcase, and his into his duffel bag.
“My gear? Boots?”
“All in there.”
“You're the absolute best, baby.”
We hurry downstairs, and start to go out the door. Jaina then yells.
“Oh shit, wait!” She then dashes into the display room and grabs my title belt from over the mantle.
“That would have been real cute if I forgot that! Thanks, babe.”
The four of us, Nora carrying Heath and Jaina carrying my belt, rush out the door and pile into my Mercedes. I have parking at the hangar space for my plane so I drive there. Jaina leaves her car at my place, where it's safer than parked at her condo with her not home.
We make it to the airport with minutes to spare. Jaina hurriedly shoves my belt into my bag before we hurry inside. The whole time driving there, and rushing through the massive airport to the private flight gate, I had the feeling that I was forgetting something, but I had no idea what. As we get our luggage on board and settle in, I brush it aside, telling myself I only feel that way because we were so rushed.
Finally in the air, only fifteen minutes later than scheduled, I feel like I can breathe. I'm sitting back in one of the seats, with my eyes closed. I feel a light poke on my arm, and look. It's Nora, from the seat beside me.
“Sorry to disturb you. But um... are you okay?”
“Yeah. I'm just trying to settle down.”
“It was pretty hectic, huh?”
“Yeah. I'm not used to rushing around like that. I'll be okay by the time we get there.”
Just then, Dom comes into the cabin, from the pilot's door.
“Good news, Pete says there shouldn't be any delays in landing, so we'll touch down only thirty minutes later than planned. You'll be there in plenty of time, Bree.”
“Oh thank every god.” I was worried about getting to the venue late and missing call time. You get fined for that for pay per views.
“That's so weird to hear you say that.” Jaina giggles.
“Yeah, well... I've accepted the fact that more than one exist.”
“That's the weird part. Meanwhile Uncle Dearest over there denies even one.”
“Hey, you're all free to believe what you want. There's just never been anything convincing enough for me.”
“I keep hoping one day...” I look up and Dom and smirk. I know damn well it'll never happen, but it's fun to pick at him. He knows it's all in jest. He smirks back.
“You'll be the first to know.”
“I won't hold my breath.”
“Good plan.”
We laugh, and I notice Nora fake-laughing, somewhat uncomfortably. We haven't often had a conversation like this around her, and it occurs to me that I have no idea what her beliefs are, if any. This doesn't seem like the right time to ask, though.
We all seem to calm down from the morning's rush. I still have the feeling I forgot something, though.
* * * * * {{Nashville, TN – After Body, Heart, and Soul – Bree's hotel suite}} * * * * *
Body, Heart, and Soul is over. My team lost, and I can't help but think that it's partially my fault.
Ever since we got to Nashville and I hurried to the arena to not miss call time, while Dom and Nora got our things up to the suite and settled, my head had felt... off. It's hard to describe, really. Like, not a headache, but heavy. And not like a hangover, but... foggy. Like I had to think a second or two longer than normal to answer a question. Or, as I was getting changed into my gear for the match, I momentarily forgot how to lace my boots. I told myself I was just still feeling residual stress from being in such a rush on the morning. I did some calming breathing, met with Liz backstage, and in minutes our match was up.
It was a few minutes before I was tagged in, and I faced off against Luz of The Light in the Darkness. Within a minute or two I was on my back on the floor, and for a moment I wasn't sure how I got there. I shook my head out and remembered -I got dropkicked. I wondered if I hit my head on the way down to have that momentary confusion, but my head didn't hurt. And then suddenly Aisling was on top of me. I was pushed back into the ring and the Playgirls got a few counts on me before I got my head clear... just in time to face off with James Evans. I expected him to come at me hard, I had ended his last World Championship run after all. Instead he went technical on me. I was looking forward to that, but Yuyo tagged herself in. I was lowkey glad though, because I still had that foggy feeling. While other things were going on, I grabbed a water from ringside and drank about a third of it. That made me feel a little better. Liz asked me if I was okay, and I said yes, but I felt like I was lying, and she looked like she didn't believe me.
The next time I got involved was to take down both Light in the Darkness girls at the same time, to stop them from continuing to attack my team mates. It felt good to hit the Classifier, but then Polly Playtime came out of nowhere and took me down. The sudden motion made me dizzy as I hit the mat. I had to roll out to collect myself. It didn't take too long though, and just in time, as I had to rush in and stop Liz from making a huge mistake... she tried to piledrive James! That would have been a suspension and our teaming up together would be pushed back even more. I couldn't let that happen. Minutes later I was on the floor again, another opponent thrown into me, and I didn't know what was going on in the ring until the bell rang. I looked up and Yuyo had got herself pinned by Luz.
We lost.
I had been foggy headed all night and thrown around and to the outside, and I was unable to get back in and help, and we lost. Again, I didn't take the fall, but I still felt like I failed.
Backstage, I shower alone, letting the hot water hit me in the face with my eyes closed. My head still feels funny, and I don't understand why. I couldn't blame the first time I was knocked out of the ring and maybe hitting my head, because I felt it earlier today. As I make myself finish washing so I can leave, I wonder if this was some new side effect of the anxiety medication Dr. Lucio gave me.
My medicine.
It suddenly occurrs to me that I hadn't taken in before leaving home. Everything was so hectic by being late and rushing to get everything together that I simply forgot. I yell in the shower.
“Fuck!”
I bury my face into my hands for a few seconds, letting the water calm me. Well, now I know what side effects happen if I miss a dose. I guess I was right in the loss tonight being in part my fault.
Back at the hotel, I told Dom what happened. He felt bad for me, and looked up what I should to. Take it now, or just wait? The answer was wait, since it had been over half the day since I missed it. Okay, so I'd just take tomorrows as normal and things should be fine. I went to Nora's room in the suite to check in on my son one last time before bed, then went back to my room and Dom and I went to bed. I didn't think anything else about the missed dose, other than I needed to be more careful before matches. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep....
* * * * *
Heath?
Heath!
Where is my son?!
I wail as I read the letter again. “Letter” is a misnomer, it's more of a note. A ransom note. Found in Heath's crib at home, in place of Heath himself.
“Expecting a baby boy here?
Don't worry, he's in good hands, safe and sound.
He'll remain safe as long as you prove you can follow instructions.
First: call me.
504-555-5432”
I wail again. “How could this happen?! Our house is in the
most
secure neighborhood in the metro area! It has to be someone we know.”
“You think so?” Dom seems skeptical.
And doesn't appear anywhere near as distraught as I am.
I know he is, he's just good at hiding it.
Police arrive.
“Have you called the number?”
“No.” Dom answers. I can't speak. I'm hyperventilating. Again.
I feel Dom's arms around me, and my breath calms, but that's all.
The other cop speaks. “Call it now, with us here. See what happens.”
I can barely hear the words as Dom makes the call, I've buried my head into the crook of his neck.
“Yes... she's here.... no, of course not...
no, first you tell me where my son is! …
What do you want? … That's ridiculous! … of course we have it, but-
.yes I want my son! … alright, alright, fine... when and where? …
Yeah. We'll be there... yes, alone... I need to know he's okay... fine.”
Dom's phone dings. It's a text.
He breathes out in relief.
It's a short video of Heath, wiggling his legs in a car seat.
I watch it on loop as I cry.
“So this is about money.” The cop asks.
“Seems like it.”
I pick my head up from watching the video loop.
“Money? They took my son over MONEY?! How much?
How do I pay it? I'll call the bank now, I-”
The second cop stops me.
“No. You can't. Things like this are always a trap.
You pay, and they don't hold their end up.
We have to get to them first.”
“Can you do that?”
“I think we can. We have a plan.”
Suddenly it's hours later, late afternoon. The kidnapper told Dom
for us to meet him at City Park, with a cashier's check
for one million dollars.
I didn't know you could do that but here we are.
Dom has it in an envelope in his pocket. We arrive at the place we were told.
The police are not far but out of sight.
“I don't see anyone. Or a stroller or anything for a baby.”
I am utterly frantic, trying my best to breathe and not hyperventilate again.
“Just wait.”
Commotion. Behind us. We spin around and see the police in action –
one running, chasing a figure. The other squatting down.
There's a bundle on the ground. Could that be....?
“Is that Heath?”
Gunshots. I scream. Dom holds me as we instinctively duck.
That bundle.... I can't take my eyes off of it. It's not moving.
The policeman who ran in chase walks back.
“He's down.” He sees the second policeman squatting near the bundle. “What's that?”
“More like who....”
My son!
“Heath!!” I start to run. Both policemen hold their
hands out telling me to stop.
“Wait there, Ms. Lancaster. You don't need to-”
I don't stop. I don't care what he's saying. “That is my son!” Dom though grabs me.
“No, Bree. Stop.” Dom sounds utterly defeated but I don't understand why.
“But they found him! Why can't I-”
One cop is in front of me blocking me from evenlooking towards Heath at all.
“I'm sorry, Ms. Lancaster. But your son... he's...” The man shakes his head.
My heart stops.
“NOOOOOOOOOooooooo.....”
* * * * *
...oooooo!”
I wake myself up screaming. Immediately my hands cover my face, my heart racing. I look around. Dom is next to me, sleeping. Except now he's turning over, awake.
“Bree?”
I can't talk. I whine, suddenly unable to see anything through the tears of my horror. My hands are clutched over my racing heart.
“Bree. What happened? You screamed...” He still sounds half asleep. I am fully awake though.
Heath.
I have to get to Heath!
I jump up out of bed and sprint for the door. I hear Dom calling after me, but ignore him. Across the small hallway is the door to Nora's suite, where I last saw my son. I bang on the door.
“Nora! Nora, wake up, I have to see...”
The door opens, Nora looking at me with squinty, half-alert eyes. “What's wrong? Did-”
I push past her and to the crib, gripping the rails so hard it hurts my palm. There he is. My baby boy. Sleeping as peacefully as ever. I place my hand on his chest, feeling his breathing. The relief sends me to the ground, on my knees. I can barely breathe, even though I know he's okay. Dom comes in and I hear him and Nora talking but it sounds far away. Then he's on the floor behind me, arms around me.
“Hey... hey... it's okay... breathe slow... there you go.”
“Dom...”
“Yeah, I'm here. What's wrong? Talk to me.”
I sink down off my knees to my rear and sit, Dom still holding me from behind. I lean into him.
“I guess it was a dream... a horrible, horrible... nightmare.” I feel my breath slow down. “Heath. He was missing. They took him. For money. We went to meet and get him back. But we... we were too... too late.... he was....” I shake my head. “I can't say it....”
“Gone?” I nod. “Fuck...”
“Why would my brain do that to me?” I turn to face Dom. “Why?”
“I don't know.”
Nora then sits next to us. It's almost funny, the three of us sitting on the floor in front of Heath's crib. She crosses her legs and leans towards me, grabbing a hand.
“That sounds absolutely terrifying. But he's fine. You saw. He's here and he's fine.”
“I saw. God, I feel so stupid, banging on the door and waking you up over nonsense. I'm so-”
“Stop. You don't have to apologize. Bad dreams can make anyone irrational right after waking up.”
I hear sleepy babble from the crib. Our talking must have woken Heath up. I get to my feet and look into the crib. Heath looks up at me, and grins. I smile back and pick him up.
“Hey there baby boy... I'm sorry we woke you. But I'm so glad to see you awake and smiling.” I hold him close, his head on my shoulder. I bounce him gently, and can tell he's already going back to sleep.
I turn around and see Dom and Nora have gotten up. I look back and forth between them. They seem to know what I want before I ask. Nora nods.
“Go ahead and take him with you. I can roll the crib into your room if you want.”
“No. He can sleep in bed with us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, we've done it at home. It's fine.”
Nora just nods again. I smile, and grab Heath's blanket from the crib.
Back in our room, I lay Heath down in the middle of the bed, so that he's between me and Dom when we lay down. He slept through me walking across the hall and putting him down. If only it would be that easy for me to go back to sleep.
I know it was only a dream, but it felt so real. The idea of it being real keeps me from real sleep. I doze on and off, going back and forth between rubbing his back and holding his little hand.
{{Thursday, February 9
Metairie, LA
Dr. Lucio's office}}
“First of all, I wouldn't advise missing doses often.”
Dr. Lucio makes a note, then looks at me. I assume she's waiting for me.
“I don't plan to. I'm sure that it had me not focused for the match, and then... well. I don't know if it's related, but that night? I had quite possibly the worst dream I've ever had in my life.”
“Oh?” Dr. Lucio sits back in her chair, curious.
“It started with my son being taken...”
It's been almost a week since the nightmare, I already had this appointment scheduled so I just waited til today rather than asking the doctor to fit me in. Since some time passed, I'm able to talk about it now. When I'm done telling the doctor about it, she leans over on her desk.
“That does sound horrific.” I wonder if she ever dreamed that her child was killed by a kidnapper, but I don't dare ask.
“I don't think 'horrific' is strong enough.”
“I understand. To go back to your comment, this can absolutely be related to your missed dose. Doing so can cause vivid or upsetting dreams. It's a common side effect. These medications alter brain chemicals. After taking it for a while, your brain is used to certain levels of certain chemicals. It's leveled out, so the thoughts that cause anxiety don't trigger it. Take the medication away, and the levels destabilize. This is why you felt off all day that day, and then when you went to sleep, there was nothing stopping your brain from essentially acting out.”
“Brain chemicals are touchy.”
Dr. Lucio laughs. “That's one way of putting it. The truth, Bree, is that this is an area of medicine that isn't yet fully understood. Science doesn't really know why certain medications help anxiety, or why they'll work for one person and not the other. It's very much a trial and error practice. I can give you my personal thoughts on how it all works, and quite a few doctors in my field agree. But no one has been able to prove it, so don't take this as gospel.” I inwardly cringe at that last word. I know what she means though; she has to cover her ass and make it clear she isn't making it sound like her opinion is medical fact.
“Understood. What do you think happens?”
“Well, take your case. Your anxiety and the medication you take, Wellbutrin. It's my belief that the medication somehow suppresses the thoughts that cause you to be anxious. Whatever worry or fear that triggers that response. You may think the thought, but the medication takes away the reaction, turning it from an irrational fear, to just a passing thought. As I said before, take the medication away... and the brain chemicals get imbalanced again, rather quickly. So, when you sleep, when you're not aware enough to stop yourself from overthinking, everything that has been suppressed by the medication comes back to the surface, all at once. So, nightmares happen.”
“That sounds like it makes sense. I think.”
“It also can explain the nature of the nightmare. Your anxiety is mostly based around your son, correct?” I nod. “Therefore, your suddenly chemically imbalanced brain put out the most terrifying scenario involving him that it could come up with. I've found that many patients who miss doses and then have upsetting dreams, tend to dream about the things that worry or depress them.”
“Yeah, that makes sense, too. So... how do I keep it from happening again?”
“Well, the easy answer is, don't skip doses.”
I scoff. “Well, yeah. But accidents happen. Can I prevent dreaming like this if it happens again?”
“Honestly? I don't know. A few patients have told me they found ways to prevent it. Having hot tea before bed, meditation, watching a movie to fall asleep so their brain is occupied by something. There's no way to know what might work for you, if anything. It may have sounded flippant and I apologize, but simply not missing doses is my best advice. Perhaps you can set an alarm on your phone to remind you of it?”
“Oh, I hadn't thought of that. That's a really good idea. I can do that.”
“If that fails.. and it can, some people just turn it off if they're busy and then still forget to do what the alarm was for... instead you could make it a part of a routine you already have. It's better to take it in the morning, so maybe make a habit of taking it right before or after brushing your teeth. Something you already do routinely, just add this to it.”
I sigh. “That's what I was doing. But we were running super late and it threw my whole routine off.”
“Try the alarm, more as a backup. But stick to your routine, it was working well until something drastic upset it.”
I nod, and make a note in my phone. “Okay. Do you have any other thoughts, or advice?”
“Actually, I do. You described a panic attack when you woke up, and said that you couldn't get back to sleep. I want to give you something for that, if you have any other breakthrough attacks like that. It's called Ativan, and it's more fast acting. It will calm things down, but it doesn't linger in your system. Does that sound okay to you?”
“I'll try anything you think will help.”
Dr. Lucio gives me a small smile. “Good. Here....” She scribbles on a prescription pad, then tears off the page and hands it to me. “You may not ever need one, or you may only need one once a month. But I think it will be good to have on hand just in case.”
“Thank you.”
I left the doctor's office, went straight to the pharmacy to fill the prescription, then went home. Sitting in the den playing with Heath, I couldn't help but wonder how all of this even started. Was it triggered when I was raped? Did it come from my hormones being all over the place while I was pregnant? Or was it something else that I'm not even aware of? All I know is that while I've always been a little bit high strung, I've never had anything like this until I had Heath. Maybe it's just that I've never had something or someone so important to me before, coupled with the fact that he is completely dependent on me. If anything happens, to him, then I failed. Am I just afraid of failure?
Heath laughs as he throws a stuffed bear at me. He's just learned how to throw, you see. His voice pulls me from my thoughts. It doesn't do any good to obsess over it. I don't need to know where it came from to find a way to live with it. And today I'd much rather enjoy playtime with my son than think about why I worry about him so much.
ON CAMERA
On a hotel suite balcony, we find Bree Lancaster leaning against the iron railing. It's a taller than standard rail, so the top of it is against the middle of Bree's back, rather than closer to her waist. Dressed in black jeans and a gray t-shirt with a yin and yang symbol screenprinted on the front, Bree has her arms resting on the top of the rail, at shoulder height. She greets viewers with a somewhat self-conscious smile.
Body, Heart, and Soul didn't quite go the way I had hoped. First of all... I would have much preferred to have defended the Adrenaline Championship, or if the powers that be... the Board, or is Mr. D back in charge? I'm not sure... anyway, if it was decided that other things were more important to be fought out, a plain tag with me and Liz- Datura, against any two of the people we'd been having dust ups with would have been better. We've been talking about teaming up, getting excited about it, getting fans excited about it... and it has yet to happen. We have big plans, Datura and I. She's already mentioned what we're calling ourselves, Statera. For those that aren't familiar with Latin, it means 'balance.' If you don't understand why we would call our team that, just look at us. We're pretty much complete opposites. I'm blonde, she's brunette. She's covered in tattoos, I have none. I'm trying to see and be the light, she thrives by walking in shadow. We balance each other out. And once we get to team together and take the tag team division by storm, you'll better see that.
But, that wasn't at Body, Heart, and Soul. No, we were on a team with four other people, against six others. A historic match for SCW! Unfortunately, me and my team found ourselves on the bad side of the story, as we lost. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible. I am a current champion, I was talked about as the de facto leader of the team.... and yet I did almost nothing of note, other than get thrown out of the ring several times, and Classified two women at once. Luz and Amelia? That was a fun little face off we had, I'm looking forward to doing it officially.
Bree gives a small nod, with a grin.
But, for now, I have that Adrenaline Championship defense I felt I should have had two weeks ago. Before that, even. I've been Adrenaline Champion since November, and this is the first time I'm defending it. I have to admit I'm a little disappointed in that. I've heard rumblings from people who are not my biggest fans about how I haven't defended it yet, SCW is protecting me, all kinds of rude things. And I'm here to tell those people... I'm sorry. I don't know why it hasn't been booed until now. I've asked. I want to be a fighting champion. I don't want to just carry a pretty belt and never continue to prove I deserve it. Even when I was World Champion and a hateful, spiteful person... I always wanted to fight. Becoming a champion is a difficult task in itself, but remaining champion is the real test. I haven't been tested yet, and I'm looking forward to finally getting the chance to prove I deserve to carry the Adrenaline Championship.
That brings me to my challenger, Polly Playtime.
Polly. Hi babe.
Bree waves, wiggling her fingers much like she used to, except now it's accompanied by a friendly smile instead of a condescending smirk.
First of all, let me make it clear right from the start that I will not be playing any of your games. You can't bargain with me, you can't convince me to agree to some strange stipulation. This is a championship match and I will not allow it to be diluted by such nonsense.
I also want you to know that unlike some people in this company, I am not going to underestimate you. You like your games but when it's time to go, you can go. I made the mistake a long time ago of not taking certain opponents seriously and I paid the price. So rest assured that I am taking you very seriously.
It's clear that you're motivated. It's clear that you love attention, and what better way to get attention than to become a champion? I bet you're already imagining the games you could play with the championship. Dangling opportunities to challenge you for it in front of people, as long as they dance and play along just as you want them to.
Luckily for SCW and the Adrenaline Championship... I'm not going to let that happen.
Bree crosses her arms, defiantly.
I know how much you want SCW to take you seriously, Polly. You want to be seen as a threat, you want to claim a place in the spotlight. You have your games and your unique style and you have fun with it. But do you know what I see when I look at you, Polly?
A woman hiding.
All these games, this playful slash condescending persona you have? It's a front. It's a cover. It's a role you play to keep yourself from having to show the world who and what you really are. And what that is... is afraid.
You're afraid of failure. You're afraid of being ignored. But more than that.... you're afraid of being made to look like a joke. You're afraid of being embarrassed. So, you come up with all these games to put other people in the place you don't want to be. Your games aren't about fun, they're about humiliation. If you make other people look like fools, then you look good in comparison, right?
Bree shakes her head a bit.
That's not how life works, babe. The problem here is that you have no balance. You're all play and all mask. You never seem to let your guard down, you choose to walk in darkness, hiding who you really are. People who are afraid to confront their fears, their trauma? That's what they do. The darkness comforts them. It hides all the negativity they don't want to deal with. Shoves those demons into a dark corner to be ignored and left to fester.
I know its hard to shine a light on the nastiness inside your own head. I've been there. I was stuck in my own personal darkness for a long time. The shadows behind me hid all of the unpleasant things I wanted to ignore or deny so well that for a while? I forgot those things were even there. But, there came a time when I was forced to turn around and face that shadow. Everything I had tried to bury with the mask I wore to the world stepped up to me and said BOO! And let me tell you.... it's absolutely terrifying.
Facing your own shadow? Acknowledging the sludge you carry around, the demons you tried to stuff in a cage. It's not fun. It's hard, especially if you refuse to allow the light of truth to help you.
What is your truth, Polly?
I'm not going to try to answer that, no one knows what's in another person's shadow. Only you do, and only you know how to confront it, come to terms with it, shine a light on it, and use that light to reconcile everything your hiding from.
That's how you create balance in your life, and in this business. Keep playing in the shadows for too long and you may find yourself unable to step out.
You want the spotlight, don't you? You can't have the spotlight if you let your shadows determine your face to the world.
Uncrossing her arms, Bree steps away from the rail, holding her arms behind her back.
Polly, I know how you feel, since you lost the Television Championship. You had a brief moment in the sun and now it's gone. Maybe losing it made you feel foolish. You don't like that, you like it when other people feel and look foolish. You want that feeling of superiority back. You want the attention back. You have the chance to get it by challenging me, by trying to become Adrenaline Champion. You have the skill, as much as some people try to say you don't. They don't see the athlete you are through all of your games.
But I do.
We were in the ring together at Body, Heart, and Soul. You took me down, and killed the momentum I had. It took me a few minutes to recover, I had to shake it off to save Datura from herself. You saw a moment and took it, I can't be mad about that. It's an athlete's insticnt. And it's that athlete I am prepared for. I'm not going to let you turn this into a spectacle with one of your games. You're gonna have to face me with all the seriousness you can muster, because I'm not playing around. The Adrenaline Championship deserves respect, it has a special meaning to me, I won it by defeating one of my best friends. Datura offered me the opportunity in repayment for being a friend when she felt she didn't have any. I was the light to her darkness, and I pulled her out of it by showing her the truth. Does that sound like fun and games to you?
Bree pauses, as if waiting for an answer.
I didn't think so.
Listen, Polly. I'm not going into this to try to make you look foolish. That's not my thing anymore. But hear this... I am not going to let you make me or this championship look foolish, either. Instead, I am going to try to show you the truth about yourself by making you fight straight up. I know the dark is comforting, but the light is so much more invigorating. You can stop hiding any time you want, babe. Let me throw some more Latin at you.
Lux et Veritas.
Light and truth. It's hard to face the shadow and turn it into light by accepting truth. But it's also worth it.
Show me who you really are, Polly. Show me the athlete. Not the girl hiding behind games. I deserve that, the Adrenaline Championship deserves that, and SCW deserves that.
Let me be clear though... regardless what face you show me, I'm not planning on losing this championship in my first defense. I have so many plans, so many matches I want to have, so much I want to do. And I am not going to let you stop me before I get to do any of it.
Bree shakes her head emphasizing her refusal to let go of her championship so soon. She gives a confident gaze as the video fades out.