Breakdown 3-30-23 #2
{{ Sunday, March 26
Metairie, LA
East Jefferson General Hospital }}
I wake up, and look around. The room is dark and quiet, other than Heath's monitor lights and machine sounds. Dom isn't here. I sit up, and reach for my phone to check the time. Just after six AM. Where did Dom go at this time? I get up and walk over to Heath's bed. The nurses have taken off the clothes he came in with yesterday and put him in hospital garb. It looks like a giant t-shirt. He won't be awake for a while, he has to be sedated as long as the breathing tube is in. I already miss his wide blue eyes looking up at me.
Thinking about last night, while Dom was surprised I passed out, I was not. As soon as I woke up, laying on the couch instead of standing, with Dom and the nurse Mary looking over me with concern, I was mad at myself. I even said 'dammit' out loud. If I had been thinking clearly I would have known better than to try to watch while medical staff intubated my son. But I couldn't move. So, I fell back, Dom caught me, and laid me on the couch. He said I was only out a few minutes, long enough for Dr. Babin and the nurses to finish. Mary though turned her attention to me. She's very sweet, a motherly - or I should say grandmotherly - type. They offered me sleeping pills but I declined, I have the Ativan. Dom had tried one more time to allow him to take me home, but I refused. I will not leave my son alone in here.
I sit on the edge of Heath's bed and gently pick him up to hold him, as the nurses said I could and showed me how to do. I hold him close and sway back and forth a little, he loves that. I stop after about a minute and sit still, wishing he would look at me but knowing he won't. As I brush his hair back with my fingers, I hear the door open. Turning, I see Dom coming in, with two cups of what I assume is coffee and a brown paper bag, with grease spots. He grins at us.
“Good, you're up. Breakfast?”
“What is it? The bag looks unhealthy.”
“Oh, it is. Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits and hashbrowns.”
I carefully lay my son back on his wedge (to sit up at an angle to breathe better) then reach a hand out. “Gimmie. That better be coffee.”
“You know it. Glad you have an appetite.” Dom opens the bag and hands me a wrapped biscuit and a baggie of hashbrowns. They look more like smushed tater tots, but I'll take it.
“Making up for yesterday I guess.” I sit on the couch and fold my legs up to unwrap the biscuit. Dom sets my coffee down on the side table then sits next to me.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Relatively. I think my head has accepted the situation now. But I'm still worried. That's not gonna go away until they tell us we can take him home.”
“I'm with you on that one. I'm just happy to see you functional.”
“It's good to feel functional. Mostly.”
After eating, we throw the trash away and I get dressed. Dom starts packing our bags.
“What are you doing?”
“We both need to go home today, at least for a few hours. We'll need more clothes, and showers, and real food. Not in that order.”
“Hm. Yeah I guess you're right. We'll have to take turns, I'm not leaving him alone.”
“We'll call Nora to sit with him. It'll be a familiar voice.”
“I was thinking Jaina.”
“She can come too. We can have different people every few hours. Dr. Haddad is here, I spoke to him. We can make a list of approved people to visit and sit with him when we can't be here. No more than two at a time.”
“That sounds reasonable.”
“So, I think we should call Nora first. She's used to being up early with him.” I look down at my hands, fidgeting with my fingers. “You're not sure.”
“I just don't know about leaving him alone with her. One of us is usually around.”
“This place is crawling with nurses and they come in here every hour. She won't be alone with him. I really wish you'd ease up on her.”
I take a deep breath, and make myself settle down. “Okay. You're probably right. I'm just overly sensitive because I'm scared. It'll be fine. Call her.” I'll just have to keep telling myself that I'm being paranoid over nothing. It's probably true. Dom nods, and steps out into the hallway; he was right last night, we can't use our phones in the room.
An hour later, Nora arrives. She walks in cautiously.
“It's okay, he's sedated, you won't wake him.”
“Oh, okay.” She walks in, sets her bag down, then walks up to Heath's bedside. Nora takes a look at him, and inhales sharply. “Oh wow.... I didn't expect....” She puts a hand over her mouth and backs away.
“I told you about the tube.”
“You did. I just.... never saw someone with one before.”
“It scared me, too. I passed out.” Nora gives me a look of concern. “I'm okay though.”
“Good. That's good...” She takes one step closer to Heath's bed again, and shakes her head. “This wasn't supposed to happen....” It almost sounds like she's talking to herself.
“What do you mean?”
Nora looks up at me, as if she's surprised I heard her. “I... just... he's an innocent baby. None of them should get sick like this. They don't deserve it. It should never happen to any child.”
“I agree. Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. Thank you for coming here so early when you were supposed to be off.”
“I'm never off when it comes to him.”
“Me either.” What an odd thing for her to say. It sounds like something a mother says about her child. Not someone who works for them. “Anyway, before you ask, he can be held, just not for too long at once. Ask the nurse to show you how to pick him up without messing with the tube." Nora nods. "Dom is waiting for me downstairs, he went to get my car.”
“Yes, you go. Rest, eat, take care of yourself. We'll be fine here.” She smiles.
“I'm sure you will. Call me if anything-”
“I know. I will.”
I grin, then go to my son's side. I brush his hair back again, it seems to be all I can touch on him other than his legs. “See you later, Nugget. Be a good boy for Miss Nora. I love you.” I lean over and kiss his forehead.
Going down the elevator, I manage to convince myself that this is a good idea, and everything will be fine.
{{ Tuesday, March 28
Metairie, LA
East Jefferson General Hospital }}
It didn't take long to figure out a routine. Sunday went good, despite my concerns. Nora stayed with Heath until around 2, when Jaina arrived. I hadn't intended to stay home so long but I fell asleep and Dom didn't want to wake me up. We got back to the hospital around four, and stayed until nearly nine. During that time, both Dom and Nora convinced me to let someone else stay with him overnight, so that I could stay on a somewhat normal schedule and be rested for Breakdown. In the end, we decided to let Nora stay overnight, as she was used to it from when Heath was tiny. Monday Dom and I went early in the morning. While we were there, the treatment medication arrived, and Dr. Haddad, who has the day shifts, administered the drug. He said Heath was stable for now, and we just had to let the medicine work, and then let his breathing muscles heal. I didn't want to think about the upcoming weeks though, I need to take this one day at a time. We stayed until afternoon, and Jaina came to stay with him for a few hours. I didn't want to leave, but Dom insisted. He said I needed to get used to trusting other people to stay with him since I would be traveling soon. I relented, trusting him because I honestly don't trust myself right now. I went to the gym for a few hours, and I hate to admit it, but being away from all the medical stuff made me feel better.
It's now Tuesday morning and Dom and I have just got to the hospital. We step off the elevator, say hello to the nurses we now know as we pass by the station, and walk up to Heath's room. I stop though, because I hear singing. I put my hand on Dom's arm to stop him from going in, and point to my ear. It's Nora....
“-whole wide world... in His hands
He’s got the whoooole world... in His hands
He’s got the whole world in His haaaands...”
I can't stop listening. Dom pulls a face, but I put my finger over my mouth, asking him to be quiet. Nora actually has a good voice. I open the door a crack to look. She's holding Heath on her lap, and gently swaying his hand she's holding hand back and forth as she sings.
“He’s got the little tiny babies... in His hands
He’s got the little baby girls... in His hands
He’s got the little baby boys... in His hands
He’s got the whole world in His haaaaands...”
I can tell Dom is tired of waiting and listening, so I push the door open and clear my throat. Nora spins around, eyes wide like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
“Bree... Dom... I didn't know you were there.”
“We just got here. I see you're having some fun.”
Nora smiles shyly and looks down, then at Heath. “Yeah... its just something I usually sing to him at bedtime.” She puts him back down carefully, and pulls his blanket up over his legs. I had no idea she sang to him. I never heard her before. I can't decide if it upsets me or not, so I push it to the back of my mind for now.
“Oh.... well, it's good for him to hear something he's familiar with.”
“That's what the nurse told me.”
I notice Dom being more quiet than usual. Did Nora finally do something that upset him?
“It helps that you have a good voice.” Hm. Maybe not. Nora blushes.
“Oh, thank you. I spent a lot of my teenage years in the church choir.”
“I'm jealous. I tried out three years in a row and was never accepted.”
“Really? You can't be that bad.”
“I am.” “She is.”
“Dom!”
We all laugh. It's true though, the only person who will ever love my singing voice is my son. He's probably the only one who will ever hear it, too, unless I have more babies.
“Well, I'll hang around until you get settled in, then get out of your way.”
A few minutes later, we were as comfortable as we can get in this room, and Nora leaves. I pull out my Kindle and start looking for the next kid's book I want to read to Heath. I can feel Dom watching me. I look up.
“What?”
“I just.... thought you were gonna say something.”
“About what?”
“Nora. Singing. That.”
I shrug. “It's a song. I am trying to give her some slack, like you asked me.” Honestly though, the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. She's been singing that song, and probably other religious ones, since she's been with us? It makes me wonder how long she called herself 'momma Nora' to Heath too, before I heard it.
“Okay.” Dom smiles, and pulls out his phone, to check his emails as he always does in the morning.
* * * * * * * * * *
A few hours later, Dom had left, he had another conference call about the TV show and the hospital wasn't a good place for that. Knowing he would be busy for most of the afternoon, Wyatt and Amy offered to come by and visit for a while, so I am waiting on them. I had pulled a chair close to Heath's bed and I have been reading to him from a kid's book on my Kindle I chose. I wanted him to hear my voice, after hearing Nora singing earlier. I've just finished reading the story about a fish for the third time, when there's a light knock on the door. Must be my brother and sister-in-law.
"Come in."
The door opens wide and it's Amy, with Wyatt behind her. "Hey you. How are you holding up?"
"We're fine. We're reading about a baby fish who got lost and had to find his mommy." I wiggle my Kindle in the air.
"Oh, that's a good one. I meant you specifically though." They both sit, taking the couch.
"About as good as you'd expect. As long as he's here with that thing attached to him, I am not going to be okay."
"Has anything changed in his condition?" Wyatt speaks quietly, he knows Heath can hear us. I match his volume.
"Not much. They say the treatment is working. They did some kind of test and the bacteria levels are down, or something like that. So that's good, but everything else is the same."
"Any improvement is good news. Glad to hear it."
"I just wish it would work faster." I whisper now, to make sure Heath's subconscious doesn't hear me. "I hate being here."
Amy gives me a sympathetic smile. "No one likes it. But they're the best here."
"I know. And I'll stay as long as I have to for him to get healthy."
They both nod in agreement, and my brother leans forward to pat my knee. "Well, luckily for you, you have a lot of family and friends to sit and make sure he isn't alone, so you don't have to be stuck here. That's what we're here for." I give him a grateful smile. They're both so busy all the time so it means a lot to me that they dropped everything to be here.
"I, however, am here to take you to lunch. Your choice, my treat. As long as it's not the hospital cafe."
I hesitate, and start to say something, but Wyatt speaks first. “I will stay here. Uncle to the rescue.”
I smile. “Okay, you twisted my arm. I'll decide where on the way to the car.”
“Perfect. Are you ready now?”
“Sure.”
Before we can stand up though, a nurse comes in. It's Evan, the nice young man who helped us in the ER on Saturday.
“Hey there. I'm just coming by for the noon vitals check. Oh, you have different company now.” Evan gives Wyatt and Amy a polite grin.
“Yes, this is my brother Wyatt and his wife Amy. Amy is taking me to lunch, and Wyatt is sitting with Heath for a while.”
“Awesome. I'm sure he'll love having his uncle all to himself.” Evan talks as he does his job. “This really is a lucky little boy. We see so many children here, single parents, no other family that cares. You guys have a whole list, just so this little one isn't ever alone. It's so good to see.”
That warms my heart. “Thank you. We've always been a pretty close family.”
“Always?” Wyatt smirks.
“Well... Evan doesn't need to hear about that.”
I hear Evan chuckle as he makes notes on Heath's chart. “Even that lovely woman who's stayed over night. Is she a relative, too?”
“Nora? No, she's Heath's caretaker.”
“Oh right, I remember from Saturday now. She's so sweet. Very attentive to your son. She even had the hospital chaplain come in this morning to say a prayer for his health.”
“Oh really?” Okay. Now I'm pissed.
“Yes indeed. She's just the sweetest thing. Between you and me, if I swung for that team, I might be interested.” Evan grins.
“We didn't know she did that, thank you for telling us.”
“Of course. Okay... all done here. Everything looks good, stable. See you in a few hours, okay?”
“Thank you.”
I am so glad Dom isn't hear to have heard that, because I do not want to have that conversation with him again. Instead... I will pick Amy's brain over lunch.
Twenty minutes later, Amy and I are seated at a back table in Drago's Seafood. I had decided I wanted fish, so here we are. We've ordered and are sipping our tea while we wait.
“Amy... can I ask you about something?”
She gives me a deadpan look. “You know better.”
“Right. Okay, so.... Nora. What do you think about her?”
“Sweet girl. A little naive about some things, but she's young. Why? Are you having problems with her?”
“Maybe. I think so. Dom thinks I'm being paranoid.”
“And you want an objective opinion?”
“Yes.”
Amy stirs her tea, swishing the lemon slice around with the straw. “Well... I've only been around her a handful of times, including the last few days. I'm not sure what else I can say. Why don't you tell me what you think the problems are?”
Our server arrives with our lunch. I have grilled salmon over pasta with a garlic sauce, and Amy has a grilled shrimp salad. While we eat, I explain everything to Amy. Going back months, when Nora started calling Heath 'Nugget,' to her almost violent reaction with the photographer that wouldn't back off. The 'momma' nickname. Amy makes a face at that one, she didn't like it. And finally, Nora's rant about my candles and God, together with the church song and the chaplain from this morning. When I'm done, she sits back again, taking it all in.
“Wow. That's a lot. And Dom doesn't think there's anything wrong with any of it?”
“He didn't like the 'momma Nora' thing but he thinks I went off on her too hard over it. He thinks she just cares about Heath a lot and I'm reading too much into things. But I have to tell you, Amy... she's given me a weird feeling ever since he was born.”
“So you feel you're just trusting your instincts in being wary of her.”
“Exactly! But Dom seems to think that my instincts are off, because of my anxiety problems and the medication.”
I wait for Amy to make another face and agree with me. Except that doesn't happen. Instead, she tilts her head slightly, biting her lip. “Well... he might have a point.”
“What?” I can't believe this.
“Anything to do with mental health can affect the way you process information. Add medication to that, and it can mix things up even more. You've been so anxious about almost anything that could happen to him since he was born. Right?”
“Yeah... and I know some of that is irrational, but not all of it is.”
Amy ignores my statement. “But, out of necessity because of your job, you've had to get used to putting trust in someone else to take care of him when you and Dom can't. And that's your whole worry... that you won't be able to take care of him. Am I still right?”
Goddammit. I forgot Amy has a literal degree in psychology. This isn't going how I expected at all. I can't lie to her, she'd know. Not that I want to anyway. “Yeah, so far.”
“So, it would make sense that your brain, with it's altered state, would see things about her that make her seem unfit. But let me help you look at this from the outside, okay?”
“That's what I wanted. Because I think maybe I'm too close to see things how they really are.”
Amy nods, and pushes her plate away, she's had enough of her salad. “Okay, what's the one thing that bothers you the most?”
“The nickname. I just have this feeling that she's been doing it for months and I never knew it until I heard her that one day. Just like she said she'd been signing him that song for months, too.”
“Okay. So, from the outside, that looks like you don't want someone to come in and take your place.”
“Well of course not! Would you want someone else trying to be your kids mom?” Yes, I know I'm getting defensive, but I don't care.
“No, I wouldn't. But, I don't think I would jump to that conclusion over a name she just thought was cute, and a song.”
I frown. “It's a church song. And she said all those things about my candles. And called in the chaplain without asking me!”
Amy rubs her face. Sips her tea. “Okay. I admit the religion thing is a little weird. I don't see any reason why anyone who works for you should comment on something so personal.”
“Thank you!” Finally.
“That said... the singing, and the chaplain praying.... I just don't see the harm.”
I lean on the table, wide-eyed. “Are you serious?”
“I don't. Looking at it objectively... she's doing things that she thinks will help Heath get better, and gives her some comfort while she's worried. Aren't you doing the same thing with the prayer candles?” I start to say something, but Amy continues. “I also seem to remember you, not all that long ago, sitting with your rosary and praying it when you were worried or scared. I don't mind telling you about anything you want to know, teaching you anything you ask, but I'm not going to let you be a hypocrite, either.”
I flinch. That hurt. “You think I'm being a hypocrite?”
“For getting mad about Nora doing things you yourself have done, and continue to do, just in a different way now? Yes, a little bit.”
I look down at the table. “I didn't think of it that way.”
“No, because you're looking for things she's doing wrong, because for whatever reason, you don't trust her. Praying isn't going to hurt Heath, though. Any positive energy going to him can only do good, no matter what deity someone is speaking to. Nora is just doing what she thinks will help him. Same as you are, same as I am.”
I sit back, and drain the rest of my tea. “You're probably right. You and Dom both. I just didn't want to bring up the singing and the chaplain with him because he doesn't believe in anything and it wouldn't matter to him. He thinks it's all harmless, pointless, and useless. Other than the fact that the meditation relaxes me.”
“Meditation has nothing to do with deities though. That's probably why he doesn't mind.”
“Maybe. Anyway, I just... I don't know if I trust myself these days. Dom keeps asking me, am I worried about something real, or is it just anxiety making me paranoid? And I don't know. I just don't.”
Amy gives me a comforting smile. “Then trust us. I may not know Nora well enough to be certain, but Dom does. He's around her just as much as you, and I know for a fact that if he thought for one second that Heath wasn't safe around her, she'd be out the door before you could say namaste.”
I can't help but giggle. “Yeah. And on her ass to boot.”
“Settle all your fears, then?”
“All?” I scoff. “That's impossible. But I do feel better about Nora. Thanks.”
Amy smiles. “Good. Glad I could help. And speaking of help.... now we're going to the gym and get you some working out done.”
“We are? I was only expecting to be gone for an hour, Wyatt-”
“Wyatt.... will be fine, he knows I planned to hijack you.” She grins. “You up for it?”
I sigh. I did go to the gym Sunday, but that was just cardio. Amy wants to spar. “Not really... but that doesn't mean I shouldn't. It would probably be a bad idea to go into this... thing, without it.”
“That's what I was thinking. Besides, we'll be helping each other.”
It's my turn to grin. “You mean like I have been for months?” Remember how I said I have been helping Amy at the Academy? Not all of it was with her students. I learned to keep secrets!
“Yes, exactly. Come on, you'll feel better after working some stress out.”
“Okay. You talked me into it.”
We finished up, paid, and were on our way across the river to BOA. I had really thought that Amy would be on my side about Nora's weird religion thing. But if she doesn't think it's a big deal, then it really must be harmless. I have to get a grip on myself, before I run Nora off by offending her. We rely on her so much and I don't know if I could trust someone new to take over if Nora were to leave.
I make a resolve to myself to let it go. To trust my husband and my sister, and trust Nora. All of these things are superficial, she's never once done any actual harm to Heath. I can't use all of my energy worrying about Heath, and if I can trust Nora or not. I need to be able to concentrate on work. Amy reminded me of that when she all but forced me to go train with her. In two days, every title in the company is on the line and if I want to leave with anything, much less my own championship, I have to focus.
Now.
ON CAMERA
Current SCW Adrenaline Champion Bree Lancaster sits cross-legged in the middle of a hotel room bed. It's obviously a hotel room judging by the bland walls, the striped duvet in pastel colors, and fancy lamps on the nightstands at bedside. Bree has her hair down loose around her shoulders, minimal (if any at all) makeup, and dressed in what looks like running tights with an SCW logo t-shirt. In front of her on the bed rests the Adrenaline Championship belt, the straps folded neatly under the faceplate.
Statera.
That's the word that Datura and I chose to call ourselves as a team. If you don't remember, it's Latin for 'balance.' Ever since I came back to work following the birth of my son, balance has been a theme constantly on my mind. I've spoken about it in different ways. Balance between being an honorable and respectful competitor, and the desire to do anything it takes to win, by cheating, stealing, or hurting people. Balance between the narrative in your own head – one side that is sure you can do anything, and the other casting doubt over every action. Balance between light and darkness. The optimistic approach, and the pessimistic side.
In all of that talk though, I somehow managed to overlook the most important balancing act of them all. The one between work life and home life. Public and private. For most of my career, I've been as private of a person as I could possibly be. I've always been of the belief that just because I am a public figure doesn't mean that the world is entitled to know every detail of my life. That's been used against me, more than once. I'm sure you all remember Jason Helms making a mockery out of my friendship with his half-brother Dom, who is now my husband. The media has been making fistfuls of clicks and dollars off of reporting on my personal life ever since Blake and I divorced. My privacy was invaded more than once, first by a plant from TMZ, then by a psychopath who took certain photos of me without my permission or knowledge, and then had them leaked to the media. And then I was violated in the worst way of all...
Bree pauses a moment, shaking off the memory, and collecting herself.
It seemed like the harder I tried to maintain privacy, the harder the world worked to take it away from me. I thought I could keep work and home separate. I have been shown many, many times, that I can't. I've finally accepted that. Instead of trying to hide important events in my life, whether good or bad, from all of you, I think it's better for my own balance between the two to let you in.
The reason I bring all of this up, here on the morning of one of the biggest matches SCW has ever done, if not the biggest... is because for the last week, I haven't been balanced between home and work at all. I've known about this match since Retribution. I started to prepare. I got my workouts in.
And then life took over.
In the past I wouldn't have sat here and told all of you what's going on at home, but I feel I have to now. I need everyone who is going to be in that ring with me tonight, and everyone watching at home, to understand what's going through my head as I walk down the ramp, and fight for everything that's meaningful in this company.
Since Saturday afternoon, all of my focus has been on the most important thing in my life. My son. He is currently in PICU at one of the best hospitals in the New Orleans area. He somehow contracted a very rare bacterial infection that's affected his ability to breathe. I watched medical staff put a tube in his throat to help him breathe. When I left him yesterday morning to go to the airport to come to Edmonton, I kissed his forehead, and his eyelids fluttered just a little. I'm sure he knew it was me.
Bree smiles at the memory, and runs her hand over her face, trying to keep her composure.
My first instinct when we realized just how sick he is, was to call Mr. D and say I couldn't be here, I couldn't work this match, and whatever he needed to do with the Adrenaline Championship would just have to be. I didn't want to leave my son's side, I refused to let him be alone in that room. I am his mother, I am responsible for him, his well-being, his comfort.
But, I am responsible for this, too.
Bree lifts the top of the belt up, showing off the faceplate of the Adrenaline Championship.
Some people might be asking.... what kind of a mother leaves her sick child in the hospital to go to work? And my answer is, the kind of mother who trusts her child's father, and caretaker, and medical staff, to take care of him while she upholds her responsibilities.
You see, this job isn't like nintey-five percent of other jobs that exist. My job exists at the will of the public. A very smart man told me, if not for the public's desire to watch me to what I do, my job wouldn't exist. The SCW Faithful are not someone I can just call out sick to, if I'm not physically injured myself. I've heard it said that family comes before everything, even wrestling. And in most cases I agree. But this is a special case. My son is under sedation so all he has to do is lay there and breathe the best he can, and heal. What kind of example would I be setting for my him if I gave this up, to just sit there doing nothing while other, medically trained, people did their jobs, handled their responsibility?
So, even though it broke my heart to leave him yesterday, I am here. I am not hiding from my responsibility as a champion in this company. Every championship I've ever held here, I carried proudly and I defended when asked. I've never ducked any fight, and I didn't want anyone to say I used my son as an excuse to give up this title and avoid defending it in such an unusual and dangerous match. One thing my son will never be... is an excuse.
Pulling the belt into her lap, Bree looks down at it with a small grin. She rests her palm over the faceplate as she looks up to continue.
This might be the last time I'm sitting here holding this belt. In fact, it's almost guaranteed that I will not be going home with it. With these kinds of rules, I fully expect every single title to change hands. To me, it feels like when all of the champions, myself, Owen, Josh, Selena and Deanna, Glory... when we walk into the arena, we are essentially vacating our championships. Everything that happened at Retribution meant nothing. I pinned two women at the same time to keep this... but that doesn't matter. All the number one contenderships that are decided? Don't matter. Any champion who loses their title tonight gets an automatic rematch. I'm assuming every contender, including myself and Datura as Tag Team contenders thanks to Retribution, must wait until after that.
So, looking at things that way... we're all walking into this on equal footing. Balanced, one might say. Titleless, and stepping up to fight with everything we have to regain what was taken from us, or to maybe claim something else. I've heard that some people are very angry about how this works, claiming that it makes only the World Championship seem important and makes the others look like consolation prizes. Like everything we've all done in our entire careers was meaningless. If that's the way those people want to feel, they're entitled to that. But I couldn't disagree more.
It's everything we all did to get here, that makes fighting for every title in the company that much more important. Every match we've won, every title we've previously held, all led us to this point in our careers, in our lives. I refuse to believe that my entire career meant nothing just because Kimberly Williams wanted to shake the roster around like a cup of dice and see who ends up where. She isn't anywhere near that important, no matter how much she thinks she is. No one is. None of us are more important than the other, and none of the championships are more important than the other, either.
Bree holds a hand up, holding off the protests she knows are coming.
I know, I know. I hear some of you arguing already that I'm wrong, that the World Championship is the most important in SCW. Okay... I'll give you that one. It is the most prestigious championship in this business, after all. But that doesn't make any other championship in this company mean less. They just mean something different.
Take the United States Championship, currently held by Josh Hudson. I can take a guess what it means to him. He's a military veteran. He fought for our country, and the championship is literally named after it. I'd be willing to bet it represents everything he's ever fought for in his entire life.
The Adrenaline Championship. That's mine, for now. For me, it represents my comeback. I was nervous getting back into the ring after being away for so long. I was afraid that I couldn't perform at the levels I'd reached before. Instead, in a way I surpassed it. I'd never held this title before, so I did something new.
The Tag Team Championships. Selena and Deanna Frost. That's an easy one, it represents their partnership. Not just as tag partners but as a married couple.
You get my point. They all have significance to the person or people carrying them.
What will they all mean after tonight? I don't know. You'll have to ask everyone who are champions when the dust settles what it means to them. I can tell you what tonight means for me, though.
Bree pulls the belt into her arms, and holds it in the crook of her elbow, like one would hold a baby.
As I said, once Breakdown starts, every title may as well be considered vacant. That means when I get to the ring and I hand this over to the official... that's when it's taken away from me. It's not being held for me like in a non-title match. It's not being held up as on the line as in a normal title defense, against one – or a few – challengers all fighting for a singular prize. I'm not losing it by being beaten, because it's not being defended at all. None of them are. They're all being placed on a pedestal, with score cards attached. I am walking into that match tonight to reclaim what's being taken away from me. Or maybe I'll walk out with something else, just as meaningful. Maybe even the World Championship.
That idea puts a small smile on Bree's face.
Kim enjoys chaos and she stacked the rules in her favor so that she has the easiest path to claim the championship that means the most to her, the Underground. All of the rest of us? Our road is hard. It's filled with a dozen or so obstacles – each other. There's no pinning someone for three seconds and claiming a championship. Oh no. There will be many pinfalls. Over and over and over, as many times as one can. When time is up, the bell rings, and the scorecards are counted, new champions will be crowned.
Leaning forward, Bree pulls the title belt closer to her chest, clutching it close like a hug.
I refuse to walk away from this emptyhanded.
I did not leave my intubated son in New Orleans with his father to fight with everything I have, just to go home with nothing.
Taking a deep calming breath, Bree lays the belt in her lap.
That is where my work and home balance lies. I've had my full attention on my son since he got sick. Once I stepped foot in Edmonton, all of my attention turned to SCW. On fighting each and everyone of you, pinning as many of you as I can, maybe even more than one at a time – that will count for two, right? On making sure that I take something home to my son, to show him that I didn't leave him to work, to fight for everything I've ever done and worked for in this business... for nothing.
Statera.
Balance.
When this is all over, the landscape of SCW will be changed, there's no doubt about that. The balance though, will remain, at least for me. I absolutely intend on leaving this city the way I came in. As a champion.
What champion? That remains to be seen. No matter which one it is... it won't be a consolation prize or a participation trophy, like something handed out just for being there. It will be the reward for bringing everything I have to this match, and leaving it in the ring. It will be earned.
That's the lux veritatis I believe in.
Bree once again picks up the belt and holds it in her arms like a baby, gazing at it as if she will never see it again.