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Breakdown 4-13-23 #2

 

{{ Friday, March 31
In Air
Bree's plane }}


We left Edmonton mid-morning. Jaina and I had the plane to ourselves, which does not happen often. We've been in the air for about an hour. I've had calming music on as I sit with my legs curled up on the divan in the back, my shoes off. Jaina had been texting most of the time until just now. I see her get up from her seat and walk over to me. She gestures to the divan, asking if she can sit. I nod, and pull my feet in more to give her room. As she sits, I turn off the music and take out my earbuds.

“Hey babygirl. You get lonely in your seat up there?”

“Not really. I just wanted to talk to you. We haven't much lately.”

“Of course we have, we-”

“Yeah, but not talking. You know?”

Oh. I sit up a little. “Oh, like that. Okay, what's up?”

“I was going to ask you. Are you okay? You've been through a lot lately, and... I can't tell how you are. You're doing the mask thing.”

I sigh, and rub my face. “Yeah. I guess I have been putting up a front a little.” Jaina gives me a look. “Okay, more than a little. It's hard to let yourself show any kind of weakness in that locker room. You'll get eaten alive.”

“So... you're not as okay as you seem?”

“I'm holding up. But I'm not gonna lie to you and say I wasn't scared last night when I decided to enter the match. I just had to... lock it in a drawer in my head to be dealt with later.”

“It's later now... and you still haven't told me if you're okay.”

I give her a smile. Jaina misses nothing. “I'm better than I was last night. Does that work?”

“Yeah.” She smiles back, then sits back, pulling her legs up criss-crossed. “I don't know how you do it, Aunt Bree. I really don't.”

“Do what?”

Jaina looks down at her hands, picking at her nails. It's her nervous habit, it usually means she wants to say something but is afraid to. She speaks without looking up at me. “I just see how you are with Heath. And sometimes I wonder. You know.... about my baby.” Oh.... it had been a long time since I thought about that. Jaina finally looks up. “Like, what if I had kept it like you had begged me? What kind of mom would I be? That kind of thing.”

“Are you saying you regret-”

“No! The opposite. Watching you, how you've handled everything. The media, traveling with him, now with him being sick...” Jaina shakes her head. “I couldn't have handled anything like this, much less back then when I was eighteen. I mean, there have been a few times when I held Heath or played with him where I thought... what if? But seeing all of this... I know I did the right thing. I just don't know how you stay sane.”

I laugh a little, more of a light scoff. “I am not sane. I see a therapist, I'm literally on brain medication. If it wasn't for that, I'd have lost it by now.”

“Okay, maybe sane was the wrong word. But I think you know what I mean. You just have this... toughness, that I can't remember you having before. Especially not after the... you know.” I nod. Jaina didn't like to use the word rape. I'm unaffected by the word now. “And I know I've been through some shit too... I just don't think I could be as calm as you are with all of this.”

I sit up all the way and face my niece, crossing my legs like hers, sitting sideways on the seat.
“I think you would. And I'll tell you why. Let's assume you did keep that baby. Becoming a mom changes you. There's a whole nine months where this other life is growing inside you. Protected, safe. Once they're born, they're out into the world. Your job is then to continue to keep them safe. It opens up this.... bottomless well of strength and... and love, that makes you capable of far more than you ever thought possible.”

“You think that would have happened to me?”

“It happens to every mom. I don't know if you remember when Loki was born. He wasn't even a year old when your Uncle Heath died. Your mom went through a lot of grief, and then had a whole company dropped into her lap. But she had you, and she had baby Loki. And she found the strength to make it work.”

“I guess so. I don't remember a whole lot about that, but I do remember that was around the time she started drinking more. So maybe she was never as strong as you think.”

I close my eyes and sigh. Jaina may have something of a point there. “Maybe.” I open my eyes again. “But you and your brother are the reasons why she fought it and got better. Your dad, too, but mostly you guys. And yes, I believe that if you had kept your baby, you would have found that well of strength, too. But I don't want you to regret what you did, either. I was... completely irrational at first but you were right, you were too young. A teenager shouldn't have to look for that well.”

“I don't regret it at all. Everything with Heath just makes me think, you know? Like.... do I even want to be a mom at all? I'm not sure I do. I don't think that well exists for me.”

I lean over and rest my hand on her knee. “If that's how you really feel, that's okay. Being a mom is a choice. You know that. My pregnancy was a surprise, but I absolutely and immediately wanted it. I remember your immediate reaction... you didn't want it. If you never do, that's okay.”

“I'm pretty sure I don't. I couldn't do what you do. I know it.”

I smile. “Then don't let the world try to make you think it's something you have to do. You don't. Instead, you can just be the best cousin you can be.”

Jaina smiles, and leans forward. I lean in more and we meet halfway, hugging over our crossed legs. “Thanks. I was afraid people would think I was weird for not wanting babies.”

I pull back, and hold her by the shoulders. “You might be a little weird Jay, but not for that. If anyone tries to give you shit about it though, you send them to me.”

“Its good to know that you have my back.”

“Always.”

We both smile, and Jaina sits back again. She yawns. “I think I need a nap now. I didn't sleep well.”

“Okay. I'll let you lay here and go sit up there. We have about three hours left til we're home.”

After handing Jaina a blanket, I take a seat. I do find it... odd, that Heath's illness made Jaina decide she doesn't want kids. But, everyone knows what they can or can't handle and if this is what it took for her to realize that, and not do something with her life that she would hate or resent, then maybe there's a silver lining to all of this.



It's evening, and I was only home long enough to carry my bag upstairs, shower, and change. Dom made me eat a sandwich on the way to the hospital, to relieve Nora for the night and so I could see Heath. I've only been gone two days but it feels like forever. We get to the pediatric floor and walk past the nurses station. Only one woman is there right now, and she waves at me. Normally I would stop and say hi, but I am ready to see my baby. I push open the door to Heath's room, and no one is there.

No one.

Not even Heath.

I look around the room. Heath's blanket is still on the bed. There's no sign of anything belonging to Nora, it's as if she left. The most shocking thing though is that the breathing machine is still here. So how is he breathing? I spin to Dom.

“Where is he?”

“I have no idea...”

“And Nora's gone too.... he's supposed to be on that machine!” I push past Dom and out the door, sprinting down the hall to the nurses station. “Where is my son?!”

“Bree... wait...”

I pay Dom behind me no mind. The nurse I passed just a minute ago stands up, her eyes wide. “What? He's not there?”

“No! And Nora is gone too! Where is everyone, why are you the only nurse here?”

“I just got back ten minutes ago, as the others left to take care of a patient. Maybe its your son. Let me call.”

I brace my hands on the desk, trying not to hyperventilate. If Jaina saw me now, she wouldn't think I was strong at all. I hear the nurse talking through the wooshing in my ears

“Hi, Penny at Station 17. The mom of room 720 is here and...” My attention to the nurse is interrupted by a sound from the hallway, immediately followed by Dom's hand on my shoulder. I look up, and hear the nurse hang up the phone as the sight registers. A male nurse is pushing a crib on wheels, with a smaller, more portable breathing machine being pushed alongside. Inside, is my son. I gasp, and run over.

“Heath! There you are...” I look up at the nurse “Where-”

“Procedure room, ma'am. His feeding tube came out and we had to fix it.”

Dom walks up beside me. “And no one bothered to call me or Bree?”

“The nanny said she would. Nora?”

I glare. “She. Didn't.”

“Oh. I'm terribly sorry about that. She insisted.”

“Speaking of her... where exactly is she?” I look at Dom and he has his phone out, I assume calling her.

“That, I'm not sure.”

He gestures his head towards the hallway. I step out of the way, and then follow as the nurse pushes the crib down the hall and into the room. I remain silent, watching him disconnect the mobile ventilator, gently move Heath into his bed, then quickly reconnect the larger machine. He was disconnected from a machine for less than thirty seconds. The nurse then makes sure Heath is propped up correctly on the wedge, and covers him with his blanket.

“There you go, big boy. Back in your room and your bed, and guess what? Mom and Dad are back.”

I go to the side of the bed and rub my hand along Heath's arm. He's sedated again. I wish I had been here when they tried getting him off the machine. I miss his blue eyes. I was told they'll try again tomorrow. Looking up at the nurse, I give him a smile.

“Thank you. I'm sorry for being rude before. I just flew in from work this afternoon and it was a shock to walk in here and see no one.”

“Don't worry about it, ma'am. It's my fault for not insisting on calling you myself. But the young lady was adamant.”

“And you have no idea where she went?” Dom still has his phone out. I'm guessing he's still trying to call Nora and getting no answer.

“No, sir. She was in here when we took Heath out.”

“Thanks. We appreciate your work.”

The nurse smiles. I haven't seen him before tonight, but it's clear he knows who we are. “Thank you, sir. I'll leave you to him, then. Buzz if you need anything.”

He leaves, and I kick myself for not asking for his name.

Dom sits on the couch and I take the chair, pulled up to Heath's bedside.

“She isn't answering her phone. It rings, but goes to voicemail.”

“Where do you think she went? And why didn't she call us? Did she know we were on our way?”

“I texted her, and she replied okay.”

I shake my head. “I don't understand. They took him for a procedure and she just.... left.”

Dom sighs and puts his phone away, giving up. “I'm starting to think you may be right about her.”

I'm too upset to do the 'told you so' thing. I just nod, and go back to watching my son sleep.

Right now he is all that matters.



ON CAMERA



We find SCW Television Champion Bree Lancaster sitting on a comfortable-looking brown couch. The wall behind her is floor to ceiling bookshelves, filled with books, pictures, and small figurines. Bree herself, in black tights and a blue top, is in the middle of the couch, her legs pulled up and criss-crossed. To her left on the couch is the Television Championship belt.


This is bittersweet.

I know I didn't say much last week before my match – or what was supposed to be my match – with Kandis. It's not like me to not promote an upcoming match, especially a title match, but I was occupied with my son and a small complication in his care. Everything is fine now, he is still recovering. I'd like to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who contacted me with kind words and prayers for his health. It means more to me than you know. But, as I was saying.... I didn't speak much last week, so let me back up a little and talk about the Breakdown where everything changed.

Bree reaches to her side and lays her hand on the title belt.

I made a vow that I would not come home with nothing, after leaving my son in the hospital to fight. I hoped to come back with the championship I went in with, but.... that wasn't to be. I know most people think I held back from joining the chaos because of Datura, but that's only a small reason why – it was just so hard to find her once I decided to get involved. The real reason... was a phonecall I got right as the bell rang. It was news of the complication with my son. Everything is okay now but at the time I was scared. Once it was clear things were being taken care of and he would be okay, it took me a little while to get my head back into focus. After everything was over and I was named Television Champion by pinfall count... I did wonder what I could have done if I had joined the fight from the start. Could I have kept the Adrenaline Championship? Or given Owen or Josh a run for their placing?

But, it doesn't do any good to play mind games like that. The match is over, and all we can do now is move forward. I'm looking forward to facing Syren at Playing the Wild Card to try to get the Adrenaline Championship back. In the meantime... I have this to defend.

Bree pats the belt, then folds her hands into her lap.

Glory.

It's true that you and I have some history. Going back to Sienna, and your near-joining of the Beauty Factory. And I wouldn't dare gloss over that Gauntlet match, where I walked in as World Champion and you made sure I left without it. In the past, I made a big fuss about that, the fact that my ribs were injured when you hit your moonsault on me, a knee into ribs, rendering me unable to breathe for a few seconds, much less kick out. I blamed you, I claimed you placed your knee in that spot on purpose, injured me on purpose. I've said before that I don't blame you for that anymore, I believe it was truly an accident, but there is one thing I haven't said.

I'm sorry.

I was angry and bitter and I took it out on you, when all you were doing was fighting the match to the best of your ability... and shit happened. I know we haven't gotten along since the Beauty Factory thing but I do hope you believe I am sincere and accept my apology.

Bree pauses for a moment, then gives a small nod before continuing.

That said... there is one other topic in the air that's been touched on at Breakdown, and I feel might be a point of contention between us. You have made it your goal to become a Supreme Champion in SCW. I have long derided the idea of making that a goal, it's always seemed to me as just marking off checkboxes, like these championships are trophies to be collected. It always seemed to me to be disrespectful of the meaning and history of each one, and made them seem trivial.

You, on the other hand, claim it's a matter of competition, of pride in one's skill and dedication to the sport. The greatest competitor would want to have earned every championship, to prove their claim to be the greatest.

Bree looks away a moment and shrugs.

Maybe those of you who made it a priority to earn Supreme Champion status aren't being disrespectful at all, or at least not intending to be. I acknowledge that it's possible and even probable that you truly believe you're doing something meaningful to this business. If that's how you feel, if that's what you truly believe in your heart.... I'm in no place to tell you that you're wrong. I simply disagree with that method.

You might think that's easy for me to say, sitting here on the other side of having become a Supreme Champion, but I was never trying to become one. I didn't even know I had done it until other people started saying it to me. I went into that match with the mind of keeping what I had, or finishing higher.

The universe disagreed, and gave me a challenge I've never had before. Defending a title every week. As Adrenaline Champion I said I wanted to be a fighting champion, and I was just as frustrated as a lot of people when it took so long to have my first defense. Look at me now. The very definition of the Television Championship is to be a fighting champion. Every week. Challenger after challenger, until someone with greater skill stops you, or your run out of gas. In essence... I got what I wanted, just in another form.

Last week I was meant to begin this challenge, but Kandis saw fit to try to use me to send a message to Jamison, Simon, and Amy. Apparently she missed the memo where I am not so easily beaten down and I am no one's messenger. I could be angry about what she did and demand to take her to task for it... but she tried to drag me into a fight that isn't mine, so I won't keep myself in it. I trust those who's place it is to take her to task to do so.

Bree uncrosses her legs and sets her feet on the floor, leaning over a bit.

That brings me to tomorrow night, Glory.

It's been a long time since we've gone one on one. And even longer since we've approached each other with any semblance of respect, if ever. I've recognized that you're trying to clear your name of the bad attitude you walked around with not so long ago. Don't get me started on the UK Championship fiasco. But, if you are looking for a clean slate, then I am in no position to deny you one, after having asked for the same myself.

So, when we meet in the ring, Glory? Let's forget all of that history between us exists. All that matters is now. This-

Bree grabs the belt and holds it up against her chest.

-championship, your goal to reclaim it to prove that you're not just collecting belts on a checklist. And my goal to keep it, because I earned it fighting to take something home to my son when fighting was the last thing I wanted to do that night.

Let's see who the better woman is. No egos, no posturing, no judging differences of opinion of aiming for Supreme status. Just two women, two champions, pushing each other to be the best they can be, all in the name of competition, and shining a light on the one truth we can both agree on:

This championship means something, and it's worth going to battle for.

Bree sets the belt in her lap and gives a confident smile before the shot fades out.