Bree Lancaster

Breakdown 5-2-24

{{ Tuesday, March 5
Gretna, LA
Common Ground Café }}

After the two mentally and emotionally draining meetings this morning, dealing with getting the divorce process started, I needed something relaxing and comfortable to decompress. I’d taken the whole day away from BOA for this, knowing it would be hard on me. As I was leaving downtown and heading home, Wyatt called me and asked me to have lunch with him. He knew this would be hard on me, too. So, I made a quick U-turn and got on the interstate in the other direction, to meet my brother at his favorite restaurant.

Common Ground Café had been around for over twenty years, and we were well known patrons. In fact, this was the place where Amy and Wyatt had their small wedding five years ago. Today, Wyatt and I are seated in the smaller dining room in the back corner; he’d asked the owner if we could have the privacy. We make our lunch order, and Wyatt doesn’t waste any time getting to the point. He never does.

“So, how’d everything go? Are you handling things well?”
“It was fine. Mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“Well, until we had to decide who would be at fault legally, and that forced us to figure out who fucked around first, and guess what? It was me.” I shake my head at myself.
“So you’re the at fault party?”
“Ha! No. He talked me into letting it be him. Since the media already made it look that way.”
“Right. You know, that makes sense. They’d never believe it was the other way around.”
I sigh again, hard. “That’s what he said. I still feel like it should have been me.”
“Maybe, but you have to do what’s best for everyone. And you know better than most that fighting the media narrative isn’t worth it.”
“Yeah. That’s why I agreed. I just feel bad. I had suspected I was first, but now we know.”
“Did he seem upset about it?”
I pause a moment and think back to this morning. “Hm. Actually, no. Not really. He had never suspected anything at all, so maybe once I told him, he just assumed so there was nothing else that would shock him.”
“Maybe. Been there.” I nod, knowing he means some of Amy’s lower points in the past.
“But I mean, other than that, it went well. Ed said the prenup is fine and he’ll have the paperwork ready for me to sign soon. I almost feel like it went too well.”
“What do you mean?”
Just then Julie, a server that’s worked here for as long as I can remember, walks up with our order. Every time I see her, her hair is a different color. Today its Smurf blue. She sets down both of our dishes at the same time; we both got their house salad. If you can imagine a salad ingredient, it’s probably in here.
“Here you go, darlin’s. Y’all need anything else?”
“No thank you.” I give her a smile.
“Alright. Just holler if you do.” Julie smiles back and disappears.
“So… what did you mean, too easy?”
I mix my salad up as I speak. “I don’t know… I just have a feeling that something’s gonna get ugly before this is over. There’s just no way it won’t.” I stab into the pile of goodness, coming up with a tomato and a few pieces of sliced ham.
“Let me guess. Because of Josh.” Wyatt shoves a bite of his own salad into his mouth in a pointed way, giving me a look along with it.

A few weeks after this started with me and Josh, Amy told me that Wyatt had noticed some things and started asking her questions. She promised me she wouldn’t say anything, but she couldn’t lie to her husband. So she told him to ask me… and I told him the truth. He was astounded at me for having done it at all, but completely unsurprised at the fact it had been Josh that got me to do it. Jaina might be the most observant person I know, but Wyatt is a close second and clearly where she gets it from. He’d picked up cues at the gym and also when we were picking up Heath and Jalyn from he and Amy’s house on the evenings she took them home with her while we trained. I had been terrified my brother would see me differently, or look down on me – which was asinine considering what he and Amy had done for years. But anxiety isn’t rational. I was wrong though, he assured me that he’s on my side no matter what, and he likes and respects Josh. As long as he treats me right and I’m happy, he's happy. He was pretty upset about the articles about Dom and asked me if I needed him to ‘do something’ about it. He meant confront him. I told him no, that I would handle it myself, but I appreciated the offer. Truth is, after the way I saw him react to Simon Lyman after the way things happened with Amy, I was afraid if he confronted Dom at all, it would get ugly. When the truth came out, I had to convince Wyatt that I wasn’t angry at all to keep him from confronting him anyway.

I set my fork down with a sigh. “Yeah. He just seems too okay with it. Us.”
“Well, how okay are you with… whatshername?” Wyatt gestures with his hand, asking
“Robin.”
“Yeah, her?”
I shrug with one shoulder. “I don’t really care.” Wyatt gives me a look. Of course he saw through that. “Okay, fine. I care a little. No one likes it if their partner does that to them. But I’m more upset about the lying than what he actually did. Of course I’d have been upset if he’d just told me from the start, but no. He lied about it. That has nothing to do with her, I don’t have anything against her.”
“You should. That woman knew damn well he’s married, and on top of that? Technically she lied to you, too. At that preview event, right?”
I think back to when I saw Robin at the event where they screened the first two episodes of Agent: SEAL. Robin told me Dom was the reason she was here, because he helped her get a job on the show. But when Dom and I discussed some things while preparing to meet with Ed, he told me that she actually came to New Orleans first, to see him, then he spoke to Chris Safford about the job.
“Hm. Yeah, I guess she did.” I hadn’t even thought about that. “So what, do you want me to be angry with her?”
“No. I want you to admit that you actually are. If you think Dom is just pretending to be okay with you and Josh, it’s not a stretch to assume that you’re doing the same thing. And lying to yourself about it isn’t going to do anyone any favors.”
I sit up straight and feel myself glaring. I may or may not be angry at Robin but right now Wyatt is pissing me off. “Listen, I am doing my best to keep things civil so there’s as little fighting as possible, for the sake of our son. I’m the one who wanted to do this, and I don’t want it to get ugly. So if that means I have to eat some shit, then I’ll eat it.” Realizing I just confirmed I actually am mad about it, I sit back again, crossing my arms. I no longer want my salad. Wyatt shakes his head at me.
“That’s not healthy, Bree. Eating is it is a big part of what got Amy and I into the situation we were in. I should have spoken up about the things I was uncomfortable with much sooner than I did, and Amy should have too. We had to sit through a therapist making us figure this shit out to recognize it. Don’t let yourself get that deep.”
“I appreciate what you’re saying, but this is different. You and Amy were trying to stay together. Dom and I are not. The affairs aren’t even the main reason we broke up.”
“Maybe not, but they are the catalyst. Listen, you don’t, and shouldn’t, have to pretend you’re okay with something that upset you. Not admitting it is gonna eat you up from the inside out. Trust me.”
The last two words came out quietly. He knew. He tried to be civil when Amy refused to fire Simon. But that only led to a confrontation in the gym parking lot that didn’t end in fists flying only because Wyatt didn’t want to punch a drunk man. I wasn’t there but Amy told me about it. I don’t ever want to end up that angry at anyone, least of all my son’s father.
“Okay. You win. Yes, I’m mad about it.” I think Wyatt is the only person who could have gotten me to say that. I’ll never admit to him that it made me feel better. “Who wouldn’t be? I mean, forget Dom for a moment, what about Robin? We were friends, a few years ago and recently catching up. She’d come to my house often a few years ago, had dinner with us. She even stayed overnight with him a few times, before we were together.” I briefly remember overhearing a conversation where it sounded like Dom was telling her he had feelings for me, and she was telling him to go for it. I’m not about to mention that now. “Maybe if it was someone I didn’t know, it wouldn’t be so bad. But we were friends. Who does that to a friend?”
“Yep. Exactly. Believe me, I get it.” Wyatt sits back, seeming to relax now that his point had got across. “Now turn that back on yourself. Dom and Josh were pretty friendly, right? Even though he knew about before?” I nod. They’d chat sometimes at the gym when Dom came by to see me or pick Heath up, or whatever other reason he had to be there. “See? That’s why you know he isn’t really okay with this, because neither are you.”
I feel myself pouting like a teenager. “You know, I really hate it sometimes when you’re right.” Wyatt smirks at me. “What I hate even more is being a hypocrite.” The smirk fades as my brother leans over on the table.
“Bree. You’re not a hypocrite. You’re just human.”
“I’m mad at them for doing the same fucking thing I did. How is that not hypocritical?” Wyatt looks aside for a few seconds. “See, you can’t answer me. Because I am-”
“So what if you are? What difference does it make? You feel the way you feel either way. Forget that word, and focus on this. You need to discuss this, before it blows up and turns into what you don’t want.”
“Something ugly.”
“Exactly.”
“How am I supposed to bring it up, though?” I put on a mock-me voice. “Oh, hey Dom, by the way, remember when I said I wasn’t mad… oopsie!” I glare to emphasize my point of how ridiculous that is.
“Cute.” We both smirk. “I don’t think you’ll have to bring it up, it’ll come up on its own. I’m just telling you not to ignore it when it does.”
I nod, and pull my salad back closer to me. I really should finish it. “Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

We finish lunch, as I explain more details about what was said at the meeting with Ed Morris. In the back of my mind though, I can’t stop thinking about who I’m really angry at. All this time I kept telling myself, no I’m not mad. I can’t be, because I’m doing it, too. I don’t really care… except I do. They both betrayed me, and the fact that I am mad about it tells me something else.

I’m angry at myself, too.

{{ Saturday, March 9
Kenner, LA
Bree’s home }}

Ever since the day Dom moved his things out of our – well, my – bedroom and across the hall, we’ve had a sort of unspoken agreement to avoid each other as much as possible. If we needed to do something for Heath, of course we were there. And anything that needed discussing about the house, or finances, or anything else practical, went fine. But we rarely both slept in the house at the same time. If it was clear he planned to stay home, I went to Josh’s. If I made myself comfortable, he left. He never told me where he was going, but I didn’t have to ask, just like he never asked me. We just know. Heath stayed with whoever was home. The few nights we were both home all night just felt strange. I’d told Dom it wasn’t any different than when he lived with me before we were together, when he had a contract problem over a condo and needed a place to stay. But it is different, and I was ignorant to think it wouldn’t be. Back then, a few times a week I would go down the hall at night and knock on his door and… well, you get the idea. That would not be happening now. I also couldn’t help but remember the last time Dom slept in the room across the hall… right after I was raped and I couldn’t stand being touched, much less sharing a bed. Back then I even locked the door overnight, I was so paranoid. I don’t feel like I need to do that now, this is a completely different situation. But it’s still strange. The man I’m still married to is sleeping in my house, in another room, and he isn’t the one I want here. But I can’t have that if he’s still here. This is limbo and I hate it. I just hope I can deal with it and keep it together until Dom leaves for Los Angeles. I’m starting to think I should have said no when he asked to stay.

Last night was one of the weird nights when we were both in the house. Josh had something to do with Alex, and I don’t know why Dom didn’t or couldn’t leave. When I got up this morning, he was already gone. Admittedly, I slept late and only woke up because I heard Heath calling for me on the monitor. I got up angry, thinking that he could have at least woken me up so I could be up before Heath… but I have no idea how early he was up and gone. After getting Heath dressed, I had finally checked my phone and saw he texted me, apparently there was some show promotion thing on a local news morning show. I replied that he could have told me about it before he left for it, then turned off his notifications. Petty, I know, but I’m right.

It's mid-morning, and I am at Kenner City Park with Heath and Jaina. It’s such a pretty day today and Heath loves being outside, so I decided to take him. I didn’t really want to be by myself though so I called Jaina to come with me. It’s been a while since she and I spent any time together that wasn’t for SCW, or her just helping out with Heath. We both have a large coffee from French Press Café, a local chain. We both watch as Heath runs around playing with one of his park friends, another little boy named Mark. His mom is Tara, and she’s closer to the boys keeping eyes on them. She and I are friendly from coming here often and we take turns being the ‘hovering mom.’ When she saw me walk up with Jaina, she took her turn by giving me a nod.
“I take it you know her?” Jaina asks about Tara.
“Just from here. I think she lives in the Trace community.” That’s a ‘gated’ community on the same street as the park. It has a fence and one way in and out, but there’s no barrier gate or guard. I don’t consider that gated, but whatever.
“Oh. It’s nice though, having another mom you trust to watch your kid.”
“It is. If I knew she was going to be here this early, I would have brought her a coffee, too.”
“Do y’all talk, or just watch the kids?”
“We talk sometimes. She’s married, but her husband works away from home for a few weeks at a time. Offshore.” There are a lot of oil companies and rigs around here.
“Does she know about….?”
“What, me and Dom?” Jaina nods. “You can say it, you know.”
“Sorry. I just don’t really know how things are. I didn’t want to upset you.”
“It’s fine. Really.” I give her a smile that I hope is assuring. “Anyway, yes, she does. We spoke about it the last time I saw her here.”
“What does she know, exactly?” I look at her as if the question doesn’t make any sense. I just told her we talked. “Like… everything? I don’t want to say something wrong in front of her.”
“Oh. Mostly. I told her we both fooled around but I didn’t say with who.”
“So keep the JH on the DL. Got it.” Jaina smirks. I laugh.
“Yes. Please and thank you. The last thing any of us needs right now is that to turn up online anywhere.”
“Good point.” Jaina sips her coffee, then turns to face me. “So, how are you? With everything? I feel like we haven’t really talked in forever..”
“That’s because we haven’t. I’ve been busy, and you’ve had your own things going on.” Jaina frowns a bit. “No, don’t feel bad. It just is what it is.”
“Okay… you didn’t answer me though.” I expected a grin from her, but instead she looks concerned.
“I'm fine. Relatively speaking.”
“What does that mean? Cause it sounds like a qualifier that means not actually fine.”
“I swear, between you and your dad, I can’t keep a damn thing to myself.”
“What?” Jaina looks utterly confused.
“Nothing. Nevermind. No, you’re right. I’m not fine. To be completely honest with you, I feel like I’m barely holding myself together.”
Jaina’s shoulders slouch, and she lays her hand on my arm. “Shit. I’m sorry. Why? Is Dom being a dick about something?”
“No. Not at all. We’re both getting what we want. I just want it all over with.”
“Mom told me Mr. Morris was fast tracking things for you?”
“Yeah, but it still takes some time. I can’t get it done Monday, you know? I’m filing Monday, but there’s hearings and…. It’s a process.” I remember I have coffee in my hand, and drink. It’s really good.
“But one you want.”
“Yes, I do. You know that.” Jaina had been one of the first people to know about Josh, after she heard me talking to him on the phone. “It’s just that Dom is still living with me. It’s making things weird. At least for me.”
“You’re not still sleeping together, are you?”
“No!” I then realize she meant literal sleeping. “Not in either sense of that word. He’s staying in your old room. Like before.”
“Okay. So what’s the weird part?”
“Just the fact he’s still there. When Blake told me he wanted a divorce, he gave me the papers and he and Kayla were gone the same day. It was very clearly over. But Dom is still here. I feel like it’s just being dragged out… like it’s not really over, even though we both know it is.”
“Then why did you say he could stay?”
I sigh, hard. “It made practical sense when he asked me. I had no idea it was gonna be this hard, though. One of is almost always somewhere else. He knows when I’m with Josh, I know when he’s with her. All of it would be easier if we weren’t seeing it, you know?”
“Seeing it? You’re bringing them home?”
“No. But… the coming and going. We know. And it’s just… really tense, sometimes. I’m not used to that with him. I don’t like it.”
Jaina leans back against the bench, sipping her coffee. “That sounds miserable. I wish I could do something to help, but I don’t-”
“Stop it. You’re one of the biggest helpers I have.”
“How? I obviously have zero experience in anything like that.”
“The same way you always do. You take care of Heath when I need someone. You listen. You’re here.” I give her a smile, and she smiles back.
“I’ll always be here, you couldn’t run me off if you tried. But I still want to do something, you know?”
“If I think of anything, I’ll ask. Promise.”
“Okay.”
I lean closer and lay my arm around her shoulders. Suddenly we both laugh, as Heath and Mark run past us on the sidewalk, laughing as only children can, playing some kind of game that only they understand. I see Tara sitting in the grass on the other side of the sidewalk, she’s laughing at them, too. The seagulls around the pond all take off at the same time, due to the noise of the kids laughing.

After the birds are gone, the sounds of hundreds of wings fading into the distance, I hear bells. This park is down the street from the church I used to go to, before the priest there insulted me and my family. It must be time for Saturday morning Mass.
“I really miss the church sometimes.”
“You what?” I had no idea I said that out loud until Jaina responded. It takes me a few seconds to collect my thoughts.
“I mean… not the judgmental priests or the rules that make no sense anymore, or the guilt tripping…” Gods. I remember sitting in church years ago feeling like everyone was staring at me and thinking I was a whore, after the whole Crane and Dior photo shoot incident. Imagine what they would think of me now. It’s all I can do to stop myself from laughing at the absurdity.
“I mean the regular people. The congregation. No matter what city I was in, I knew if I walked into a church, that everyone there was like a family. If I didn’t understand something the priest said, I could ask whoever was next to me, and they would help me understand, or try to. There was always a sense of community, of belonging.” I turn to Jaina, and she has the strangest look on her face. I can’t read it. “Am I making any sense?”
“Yeah… I think you are. It was safe.”
“Yes, exactly. Going to a service always made me feel better when I was upset, because I was with people who were hearing the same thing I was, that I knew most of them at least would never judge. Just support.” I shake my head, with a small dry laugh. “I don’t know why I said anything. I just heard the bells and it made me think of back when I still bought into it all. I didn’t mean to make you feel any kind of way.” It was because of her I lost all faith in the Church. I went to my priest for advice when Jaina wanted an abortion, and instead he called her a whore to my face.
“No, you didn’t. Not at all. I get it. And I think I know how I can help you.”
“How? You want less to do with church than I do.” Jaina was raised by her mother of course, and Amy is a pagan. Jaina followed that path, but from what I can tell she takes it in a different direction than Amy does.
“Come to my circle with me.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Circle? “You mean like a coven?”
“Not really, it’s not set up like that. We’re just a small group that gets together for full moons and shares what we’re learning and working on. But I think you can find what you miss about the church there.”
After I left the church, I ignored religion for a long time. While I was pregnant, I started asking Amy questions. I had nothing else to do and it just seemed like the right time. She taught me her beliefs, the way she practices. As what they call a solitary, on her own. I’ve been doing some things on my own for a while now. Meditations, candle burning, small things like that, that don’t intimidate me. But now Jaina wants me to go to a group?
“I don’t know, Jaina. I’ve only ever done anything like that with your mom, or by myself. I wouldn’t know a single thing and-”
“They’ll teach you. We will.”
“Jay…”
“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to come again. But I think you will.”
“Why do you think so?”
“Because we have what you were talking about. We support each other like family. You’re my family, Aunt Bree. Let me do something for you. Please come?”
“I can’t exactly say no after that, can I?” I grin. “Okay. I’ll come with you.”
“Yes!” Jaina smiles excitedly. “You’re gonna love it, I just know you will.” She leans in and hugs me, taking me by surprise. I really hope she’s right, or she’ll be so disappointed.
“When is this next meeting?”
“Full moon,” she says matter-of-factly.
“As if I know when that is.”
Jaina raises an eyebrow at me. “You should. The twenty-fifth. It’s a Monday. It’ll be at the other park.” She means Kenner’s other park, Veteran’s Memorial.
“Okay. You’re driving.”
“Deal.”

I hope won’t regret what I’m getting myself into.

ON CAMERA

As excited as I am to be visiting Japan, and defending the Adrenaline Championship for our passionate fans here, I’d like to speak a little personally before getting to that. I know not much was said before Taking the Leap and my match against Simon Lyman. There were two reasons for that. One being that I felt I’d already said what needed to be said to him and saying it again, in different ways, was just going to fall on deaf ears.

But also, I won’t ignore the obvious. Between Retribution and right before Taking the Leap, I took some time away to deal with a personal issue, which as you all know now was getting divorced. I’ll state again what I said on social media, mainly to refute what the tabloids and dirt sheets have “reported”…. The decision was mutually agreed to, and there’s no animosity or anything else negative between us. Of course everyone is free to believe whatever narrative they want to believe, but I’ll ask you to consider one thing. Who has a better track record of speaking the truth… the tabloids, or me?

Sit with that a while before you come to your conclusions.

With that said, I am going to put everything dealing with Simon Lyman to rest right now. And yes I am still speaking personally because he made this personal. The man antagonized me, my family, and my friends for months. He literally broke into my house and dug through my personal belongings… all part of some twisted mind game to either turn me to his side…. Which I was never and will never be that insane, or get into my head and cause me to lose focus and lose the Adrenaline Championship. He tried to use my divorce against me, told lies about my family… and despite it all, I walked away still Adrenaline Champion. So if anyone was wondering why I completely ignored his pleas to speak to me at Breakdown… this is why. I’m done with him. I’ve beaten him twice, I’m sick of hearing the bullshit he’s trying to sell me and all of you on. It’s done. I am moving on. I’ve recently gotten very good at doing that.

Putting the personal aside and speaking professionally now, just look at everything that’s happened since I became Adrenaline Champion at Body, Heart, and Soul. I’ve gotten past Autumn Valentine, twice. Moved on. I’ve beat Simon twice. Moving on.

That leads me to this week and Cassie Wolfe. She was a big help not only with Amy earlier this year, but also with me and Simon’s antics. It seems like she really paid attention when Amy spoke, giving her advice, trying to help her succeed. It’s good to see the new crop of talent coming in show respect to those who cleared the path in front of them. That’s why I decided I wanted to put the Adrenaline Championship on the line against her. She’s the type of competitor that the Adrenaline division was made for. Young, energetic, with a can’t-stop-me attitude. In a way, she reminds me of myself a few years ago… before certain things and people changed me into a different person. Thankfully I’ve recovered from that and here I am today. I hope that Cassie never has to go through some of the things I endured to get to where I am now. And I hope that challenging me motivates her to bring her absolute best, to show the world something they’ve never seen before from her. I want nothing but the best for Cassie. She’s a hard worker and she deserves it.

But…. Even though I made the offer myself, putting the championship up for grabs, I am not going to make it so easy for Cassie to take it from me.

The last few months have been hard on me. There have been so many changes, big changes, in my life. Obviously going from being married to being a single mother is a huge change. But there are a thousand small changes that come along with that. Traveling for TV is different. Making coffee and breakfast at home is different. The way the house sounds at night… different.

Through all of that, I have had two constants. The love and support of my family and friends. And defending the Adrenaline Championship.

Having this championship to focus on, to fight for, gave me something to work for when it was all I could do to get up in the morning and face myself in the mirror. Asking myself what I did wrong, what I could have done differently, if I even wanted things to be different. But I’ve never once questioned anything about holding this championship. Since I pinned Alistaire Allocco and became champion, it’s been my mission, my purpose to do everything in my power to repair the reputation that Adam Allocco sullied by tossing it aside to his son as some kind consolation or… or reparation for their father-son feud.

I’d like to think I’ve done that, or at least started to. First by defending it four times now, and now by offering an opportunity to hold it to someone who’s impressed a lot of people and earned my respect. But make no mistake, as talented as I’ve seen that Cassie Wolfe is, as much as I respect her work ethic… I am going to walk into Breakdown and throw everything I have at her to ensure that the Adrenaline Championship remains… my constant.