Fatal Fortunes 2023 #1
{{ Wednesday, November 8
Kenner, LA
Bree's home }}
The day after the last time I trained with Josh was Halloween. Dom and I took Heath out for candy. We dressed him as a puppy – he had a hat with ears on it, and I painted a spot around one eye with some eyeliner. It was the cutest thing ever and we brought home more candy than even makes sense. It was all a great distraction from the one thing I couldn't get out of my head no matter how much I tried. That kiss that shouldn't have happened. I wasn't upset that he did it, I was upset with myself because I let it. Because I wanted it. But I can't want that.
I have a family, I can't.
That's been my mantra for the last week. Breakdown was in New Orleans on the second, I wasn't booked but Liz and I had our say, giving the Allocco's something to think about before our match at Under Attack. Classes at BOA went normally, and as we agreed, Josh and I did not stay late for training at all. I had to create some distance.
It's now over a week since that day, and I am home on a Wednesday. Under Attack is this Sunday, so there is no Breakdown tomorrow. Dom got home from LA yesterday, and I made an effort to be more attentive than I probably had been. Everything about the strike and his travel, and of course the new bullshit media stories had annoyed me. I knew it wasn't easy on Dom either, he was the one doing all the travel and being talked about after all. So, I did my best last night to make sure he knows I'm glad he's home, if you follow me. I didn't even think about that stupid kiss all night.
Today, we had a lazy day. I asked Amy if it was okay if I skipped one day of class to spend some time at home with Dom. Of course she didn't mind, she'd heard most of my complaining about him being gone. So, this morning Heath 'helped' his daddy make pancakes for breakfast, then the three of us sat in the den, still in pajamas, watching Disney movies. Dom made lunch, and then... more movies.
Next thing I know, I am being woken up by Heath smacking my side. I'm laying on the couch and he's standing next to me, making some babble noise that almost sound like words. When he was sick with the honey poisoning, the doctors told me the long term effects could delay some of his development, like fine motor skills, or language. His motor skills seem on track, but he's yet to speak a real word. I was worried about it the last time we took him to the doctor, but he told me not to worry unless he hasn't spoken by his second birthday. We are months away from that, so I've been reminding myself that he is fine for a little boy who went through what he did. Heath smiles at me when he notices my eyes are open.
“Hey baby boy. Is Momma's nap over?”
More babble. I look up and Dom is still sitting next to me on the couch, but he's fully awake, phone in his hand, reading something intently. I poke him with my foot.
“Don't tell me there's more internet bullshit.”
Dom looks towards me, and grins. “Not at all. Quite the opposite.”
I sit up and stretch, I have no idea how long I slept or what time it is. I glance at the clock on the wall. Nearly four in the afternoon.
“Gods, why did you let me sleep so much?” Heath starts to climb up on the couch, and I grab him and pull him up.
“You seemed like you needed it. But Nugget here woke you up just in time.”
“For what?”
“I've got an email from the union. It seems there's been an agreement.”
“What? Really? It's over?”
“Not officially. This isn't even public yet. But as of midnight tonight, well... west coast midnight, yeah it'll be over.”
If Heath hadn't been sitting between us, I'd have dove across the couch and hugged Dom with all of my strength. Instead, I reach over and grab his arm and squeeze.
“Baby, that's fantastic!”
“I'm just waiting for the news to go public, and for my phone to ring.”
I grab Heath and pull him into my lap, then scoot over closer to Dom. “You hear that, Heath? Daddy can go back to work soon! And you and Momma will get to see him all the time again!” I jiggle him a little bit, and he laughs. “He gets it.”
“He sure does.” Dom grabs Heath's hand and wiggles it. “Hey bub, I think Momma is more excited about this than I am. What do you think?”
Heath laughs, babbles a little more, and then...
“Mom-ma!”
I gasp, and stare at Dom. “Did he just...?”
“What was that, bub?”
Heath turns in my lap and looks up at me. “Mom-ma!” Then he laughs.
“Yeah. He just.”
I wrap my arms around Heath and hug him, trying my best to remember to not squeeze too hard.
“Nugget! You did it, you said Momma, I'm so proud of you!” I lean over and kiss the top of his head a few times.
“Let the kid breathe, cakes.” Dom laughs.
I stop, and loosen my hug. “Sorry...”
Dom grabs Heath's hand again. “I don't suppose you have a Daddy hiding in there for me?”
Heath looks up at me, then back at Dom. “Daaaaaaaaa!”
“Close enough.” We laugh. I'm near tears and trying to keep it together. The infernal strike is over, Dom can work again, he'll be home. And on top of it all... my son just called me Momma. This was everything important to me.
Dom's phone rings. He shows me the screen. Chris S. The director of Agent: SEAL.
“Hey bud.... yeah I just read the email... good shit is right!” Dom eyes Heath, realizing he swore in front of him. I don't even care. “Oh, has it? Even better.... any idea of the terms? ….. that's all my email said, too... right.... oh wow, really? That soon? …. Sounds great to me, man.... absolutely. Thanks for the call.” Dom taps his screen and tosses his phone aside. “Well... Chris says we can start back up as soon as Monday, if everyone necessary can be back in town by then.”
“That's really quick!”
“Well, the writers have been back a few weeks, just waiting on us. Chris is calling everyone in. He'll let us know as soon as he can if we're on for Monday.”
“Amazing. Just amazing.”
“We should celebrate. Let's go out for dinner.”
“Out? Who's gonna watch Heath with this short notice?”
“What do you mean? He's part of the celebration! We'll go to... Chili's, or something else family friendly.”
I laugh. “Oh my God, baby. Can you imagine? You and I walking into a Chili's?”
“Okay, fine. Zea's?” That place was a little more upscale, but that wasn't my point.
“It doesn't matter where we go, we'll be mobbed.”
“Good! Let them see us out celebrating the strike end. Let's do it.” I read between the lines. Let them see us together as a family, to counter the bullshit reports from LA. The woman in that fuzzy picture next to Dom last week had been one of the show's stunt-people. Dom said he didn't even remember her name. I smile.
“Okay. Let's do it.”
Zea's it was, and we did get pictures taken. But I didn't care. The rest of the night all I could think about was the fact that Dom didn't have to travel anymore. Agent: SEAL films here in New Orleans, so he would be home every night. There would be no need or reason for me to be concerned with or distracted by anyone else.
{{ Wednesday, November 15
Gretna, LA
BlackOut Academy }}
BOA classes are over for the day. Almost everyone is gone. Amy is still in her office, and Josh is waiting for me next to the ring. I had gone to change into different training gear. Ready now, I walk up to him.
“Are you sure you're okay with starting this up again?”
“Nothing's changed since we spoke this morning. As long as you're okay with it, so am I.”
“Then we're good.” I grin. “I think working out Friday made it easier to get back to it now.” We'd stayed late after classes before Under Attack. I needed the prep, and Josh was willing to help. It had been Amy's idea; she asked both Josh and Travis to stay and work with us. The extra prep did us good – Amy beat Kelsai, and Liz and I beat the Allocco's. Yay us.
“I agree. Sort of a... test run.”
Obviously we were talking about being able to work together despite the way I'd brushed him off after he kissed me. But we were dancing around the topic rather than outright saying what happened or why a 'test run' was needed. Even though I agreed this morning when Josh asked if I was ready to train again, to be honest I'm not completely sure this is a good idea. During classes yesterday, I caught myself more than once glancing at the chair I was sitting in when it happened, or watching Josh work. No matter how much I tried to forget it, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Judging by the way I'd caught him glancing at me yesterday and earlier today, I'm pretty sure neither could he. But... I missed the training. Or maybe I just missed spending time with him....
“Yes, exactly. I think it'll be good to get back to work.”
We are interrupted by Amy leaving. She was only taking Jalyn home with her, Dom had picked up Heath earlier. They wrapped early because they couldn't go any further without one actor who was arriving tomorrow. After Amy is gone and we're the only ones left in the gym, I slide into the ring and start doing my stretches, like usual. I was fine until Josh also got into the ring. It hit me hard that this is the first time we've been truly alone together since... well, the last time.
“Ready to go?”
“Always. What are we starting with?”
“Well, I was thinking we should pick up where we left off.”
“Where we... left off?” That can't mean what I think it does...
“Yes, reviewing your subs. I think the last one we went over was your finisher.”
“Oh. Right.” Get it together, Bree! “Should we start with that one again? I didn't get to use it this weekend.”
“I saw. We'll start there.”
After going over my Crescent Lock, an armbar variation, and even Amy's Tourniquet, we stop for a short break. So far, it's been business as usual. Maybe this wasn't a bad idea, after all. Josh grabs two waters from the cooler and tosses me one. After catching our breath and hydrating, we get back in.
“Second-half spar?”
“That's the routine.” I grin as I set my water down.
“Show me what you got.”
My insides twitch. Why was my brain turning everything into innuendo? I push that thought away and we lock up. Switch holds a few times. I float over out of a suplex. Josh spins out of a dragonscrew attempt. He grabs me and sends me into the ropes. I start to grab the rope to stop, but change my mind and let go, bouncing off. The slight bounce from me grabbing the rope momentarily puts my step off balance, and my left foot lands awkwardly, rolling my ankle. I yelp and go down.
“Bree!” Josh runs over and slides down next to me. “Are you okay?”
I rub my ankle. “I think so. Just rolled it a little.” I turn my foot a little, testing it. Sore, but nothing feels torn or otherwise injured.
“Are you sure? Let me see.” Josh reaches towards my foot, but looks at me questioningly. I nod my permission. He grabs my foot gently and moves it around. I wince a little. “That hurt?”
“Just a little. I really think it's fine. Just give me a few minutes.”
Josh doesn't reply, he just starts unlacing my boot. I wear my ring boots to train, they're short, only barely covering my ankle. I let him remove it. He looks at it, then gestures to my other foot.
“Take that one off too, to compare for swelling.”
“Josh, really, it's fine.”
“Humor me.”
I sigh, and take off my other boot. I think a moment, and pull off my socks too. I put my legs out straight, feet touching. Josh is sitting next to me, so he leans closer to me. I know it's to look at my feet straight on to compare them, but the movement seems to make the air around me much warmer.
“Looks the same. Good.”
I pull my legs up to cross them, leaving the left one out a little to not have pressure on it. Josh stays where he is next to me. “I told you it was okay.”
“I had to make sure. The last thing I want is to be responsible for hurting you. In any way.”
“Thanks for checking.” I smile at his concern. “I don't think you would hurt me.”
“Not unless you ask first.” He smirks.
“Josh...” I shake my head and look away. I'm certain my face is red, since my first thought was 'that kind of hurt is different.' I am fighting a losing battle with myself.
“Sorry... I shouldn't have said that. I'll be more careful with my jokes.”
“No... it's okay.” I look back up. “You don't have to change anything about yourself for me.”
“Yes, I do. Or we'll both be in trouble.”
I close my eyes and sigh. Why? Why did he have to bring it up? “Goddammit...” I hadn't meant to say that out loud, even f it was just a whisper. This is all too much. I give up. Or rather, in.
“What?”
“I don't think I can do this.” I look back up. “I can't.”
“Okay.” Josh nods. “This was a bad idea. We'll stop training.”
“No. I don't want that.”
“You don't?”
“Not at all. I... really enjoy spending time with you.” Warning bells start to go off in my head. I make them shut up. “I won't give that up.” Josh grins, very slightly, but I see it.
“Then what is it that you can't do?”
“Pretend.”
He leans a little closer to me. “What do you mean?”
“Like nothing happened. Or, is happening. I tried. To forget, to ignore. I can't do it.”
“I admit it hasn't been easy for me, either.”
“Pretending is just fancy lying... and I'm just lying to myself.”
“About?” He's almost whispering. I answer in the same tone.
“You.”
Josh lowers his head, and exhales slowly. “I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable position. If we have to stop doing this to-”
“I said I don't want to do that.”
Josh looks back up, confused. “I'm not following you, Bree.”
“It's not hard to follow. Option one is we stop training, and that's just unacceptable. I know we didn't have a long break from it, but I missed it. I missed spending time with you.”
“I missed you, too.” I expected a smirk or a grin, but there was none. He's being sincere. If I hadn't already made up my mind, I would have just now.
“Option two... is we keep training, and keep acting like you didn't kiss me two weeks ago, or that I let you. But let's be honest here, that's just torturing ourselves.”
“I'm not gonna argue that. But where does that leave us? Stuck?”
I take a deep breath. “Option three.”
“I thought there was no option three.” He lays his hand on my knee, and gently rubs it. My entire body warms.
“So did I. But I think we both know that there is no other option.”
Moving his hand from my knee, Josh reaches up and cups my face. I should be nervous, but I'm not. I've been here before. He leans his forehead against mine, and whispers again.
“Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to kiss me,” I whispered back.
“Until.” I let out a short laugh. Instead of kissing me though, Josh pulls his head away from mine and looks me in the eyes, still holding my cheek. “If I do what you want, you realize we're probably not gonna stop there, right?”
“I know.”
“You're okay with that?” I nod. “You're prepared for whatever happens after?”
“I'm not sure” I shrug. “Kiss me anyway.”
A second later his mouth was on mine. Different from two weeks ago. Instead of gentle, hesitant... it's deep, insistent, as if the act was giving him life. The way I remember from years ago. I completely forget where I am, all I can focus on is what I'm doing. Both hands around his face, trying to keep up with him and breathe at the same time. I lean back, or he pushes me back, I'm not sure, until I'm laying. Still kissing me, Josh slides his hand down my side, lower, and touches me. I breathe harder, and realize that this was the real inevitable. Soon my tights are gone. Then his shorts. Then he's over me, and then... I gasp.
“You okay?”
“Yeah... I just.... forgot...” There's no polite way to say it, the man has size. He grins.
“Take a moment.” I nod, and make my body relax. Soon, I move to let him know. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
Starting to move slow, Josh then lowers himself over me, resting his arms on either side of me rather than keeping them straight, so that we're chest to chest. Neither of us took our top off but it still feels deeply intimate. He lowers his head close to mine, to the side, so that I'm breathing into his neck. I feel his breath in my ear, and the sound combined with his slow pace is the hottest thing I can recall in a long time. I think better of wrapping my legs around him, I don't need it any tighter. Instead I keep my feet planted flat, legs bent, and grip his shoulders as hard as I can. I've given up trying to contain my breath or whatever sounds escape my throat. I keep expecting him to speed up, but he seems to be purposely keeping the slow, steady motion. I have no sense of time, it could be three minutes, five, ten.... before the building pressure in me explodes, and a second later he's shuddering over me.
“Oh... fuck....”
I can't make words. Only sounds, breaths. Josh moves from on top of me to the side, resting on one arm, looking at me intently.
“Good?” I nod. “Can't talk?” He smirks.
I grin. “Good. So good.”
He leans in and kisses me. “As terrible as this will make me sound... we should probably get dressed and get out of here.”
“Probably.”
Minutes later, we're both dressed, out of the ring, and near the door. Josh brushes my hair back.
“See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah.” I grin. He kisses me one more time before leaving. He has to get Jalyn from Amy's. I can go straight home, Heath is home with Dom.
Dom.
I turn and hurry to the locker room. I need to shower before I go home.
I turn the water on to full hot and pull my clothes off. Luckily I have something to change into. Stepping into the shower, the near-scalding water brings me completely back to reality. I reach for my soap but before I can grab it, my stomach flips inside out, and the water I drank while getting dressed comes back up and splashes at my feet. I watch the shower water wash my stomach water down the drain, then I sink down, my back against the wall, til I'm sitting under the hot water. My stomach is still turning.
What have I done?