Retribution 2024 #1
{{ Thursday, February 15
Portland, OR
Bree's hotel room }}
Well, I am still Adrenaline Champion, but I paid for it after the match. Simon didn't appreciate being beaten cleanly and jumped me from behind while my attention was on Autumn Valentine. She walked out there to make her claim, and I can't say I blame her – I pinned Allocco, not her, at BHS. We didn't get to speak though because of Simon. Not only did he faceplant me with his finisher, but he also kicked the shit out of me while I was down. I saw the trainers afterwards, I felt like my right side was on fire and I can't breathe deep. Turns out that's what bruised ribs feel like. At least my face is fine.
I am back in my room after the show, where Josh was waiting for me. He'd gone back to his room this morning but I gave him my spare key card so he could get in my room when everyone else was at the show and no one would see him. I've already showered. While in there I checked myself for visible bruising on my side, to me it looks slightly purple. The trainer said it would likely darken then get lighter as it healed, in two weeks or so. Just in time for Retribution.
I am sitting up in the bed, with pillows behind me, while Josh is in the shower now. He offered to go get food but I suggested room service instead, he didn't need to go out and risk being seen. I'm scrolling on my phone, looking at how Breakdown came across to fans, when it rings in my hand. I should have expected this.... its Dom. He must have been watching. He typically waits an hour after it ends to call me, giving me time to get settled in my room.
“Hey.”
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Define okay.”
He sighs. “So, no.”
“I'm not injured injured, but I am hurt. Ribs.”
“Bruised, I assume?”
“Yeah.”
“That motherfucker. Just can't leave well enough alone.”
Just then, Josh steps out of the bathroom door, and before I can motion for him to shush, he speaks.
“Feeling any better yet, or-” I get my hand up and make a 'cut' motion across my throat, and he stops. I point to the phone and mouth, “It's Dom.” Josh winces a little.
“Who's that? Bree?” Shit!
“Oh, thank you so much. Yes this is everything.” I then smack the nightstand with my hand an hope it sounds like a door. I then answer Dom. “Oh, sorry. That was room service with my dinner.” I look up and Josh is shaking his head, trying not to laugh. I glare at him.
“Oh, right. So, what did the medics say? How bad is it?”
“Mild bruising on my right side. Three or four weeks, blah blah. Not gonna keep me from working Retribution. But... it will keep me from doing any BOA work or training, or anything too physical at home for a little while. So I can work it.”
“Luckily Heath prefers to walk himself these days instead of asking one of us to carry him everywhere.”
“Very true. But I meant more specifically in bed.” I then squeeze my eyes shut, for a second I forgot Josh was in the room. I'm positive he doesn't want to hear anything about that.
“Oh, of course. I expected that. I think I can endure.” I can hear the smirk in his voice. Yes, I just bet you can. “But seriously, you have to do what's best for you to get healed. I'll take care of you, promise.”
“I know you will.” He is good at that, I will admit.
“You just got your food, I'll let you go. Get some rest.”
“I will. Thanks.”
“I'll be home when you get back.”
“Okay.”
“See you soon, love you.”
“Yeah, you too.” I end the call... and then realize what I did. I lean back into my pillows and sigh.
I feel the bed move next to me, obviously Josh sat down.
“You didn't have to half-ass that for my sake.”
“I actually didn't. It just came out like that.” I open my eyes and look, Josh is sitting closer to me than I thought he had. He grins.
“That's actually better. For me, anyway.”
I grin back. “Yeah, it is.”
“So, is what you told him about your ribs true? You didn't tell me when you came in.”
“Unfortunately, yes. Apparently the universe knew I was planning to make up an injury to avoid sex with him and it manifested into reality.”
“How bad is it?”
“I did exaggerate a little to him, they really told me it was mild and would likely be okay in about two weeks.”
“You liar.”
“Hey!” We both laugh. I hold my side, the laughing hurt. “That's not fair.”
“Is it weird that I'm impressed you're getting better at it?”
“You are quite the inspiration.” I smirk. If I didn't get better at it and quickly, I'd have been in trouble before Christmas.
“Speaking of ways I inspire you... does that physical activity ban apply to me?”
“For a few days, at least. It actually really does hurt right now.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Um... hand me that pillow we threw aside so I can hug it to sleep?”
Josh gets up and grabs the spare pillow off the floor. It had been in our way last night. He hands it to me as he sits back down beside me. I tuck it under my right arm. Somehow, my side feels a little better already.
“Thanks.”
“Now about that room service....”
Shit. I never actually called it in yet. I just grab the phone and dial.
{{ Tuesday, February 20
Kenner, LA
Bree's home ))
Staying home resting a minor injury sucks. I wanted to go to BOA anyway, to observe and sort of coach from the apron, but Amy denied me. She thinks I'd try to do things I shouldn't if I'm there. She's probably not wrong. I did walk my treadmill this morning, and plan to make use of the heated pool later this evening. I'll need something to distract me from the fact that it's Tuesday but I'm not at BOA, or staying after class to train with Josh, or going to his place afterwards. I could stab Simon's eyes out, not only is he fucking with me in SCW but now he's managed to mess up my personal life, too. I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have stopped Blake from dropping him on his head years ago.
Its late afternoon and I am in the library, reading while I wait for the pool heater to do it's thing. Heath is on the floor in front of me, scribbling on some sketch paper with the fat Crayons made for toddlers. Dom was out most of the day, I don't know exactly where and I don't really care. He said something about the gym this morning but I was barely paying attention, I had been texting Josh at the time. I hear the door open and close. Dom's home. Heath raises his head at the sound.
“Dada?”
“Yes Nugget, Dada's home.”
“Yayyyy!” He drops a red Crayon and gets to his feet, heading towards the door. That little boy really loves his daddy. Just as I'm about to get up and follow Heath, my phone buzzes with a text. It's Lisa.
[“Heads up. New article we spoke about will be out today. I just heard. It's rough.”]
I toss my phone back on the couch. “Fuck.” I whisper so Heath doesn't hear it. It's not the content of the article I'm concerned about. At this point it doesn't matter to me what it says, I think it's probably true, and I'm just in limbo until after Dom's show is out and Retribution is over. My concern is that whatever is published today will be more damning or explicit than the first, and Dom will react in a similar, or worse, angry way as before. Last time a breakfast plate was the only casualty. If this article is worse, I'm afraid what might become collateral damage today.
I follow Heath into the den, and Dom walks in from the kitchen, holding his phone.
“Bree... did you just get a text from Lisa?”
“Yeah... I did. A warning.”
“Okay. She had told me a few weeks ago she heard there may be something else, but we expected it to go away.”
Holy shit. That's a bold-faced lie. He must have no idea Lisa told me anything at all.
“I see. Well the first I heard of it was her text a few minutes ago.” If he can tell lies, so can I. I wonder if Lisa is trying to prove a point, or set something up, by telling Dom and I different things. But I don't have the mental capacity to add another worry to my pile.
“She probably didn't want to worry you if it turned out to be nothing.”
“Probably.” Just then, both of our phones go off – the Google alert tone. We'd both set one for our names ages ago. “Here we go.”
“Fuck...” Dom sits on the couch and opens his phone to read. I almost don't want to read it, because in my head it doesn't matter. But if I don't, he'll want to know why, so I make myself open my phone too.
-----
“Second Source Corroborates Alleged Teller Affair”
In a follow up from a story Hollywood Update originally reported on January 9, we have obtained more information from another source on the Agent: SEAL set. This person, only identified as a woman from the set crew, tells a similar tale.
“The things the first person told you, I saw some of that. The sneaking around the set when they think no one is around. I can't tell you when it actually started, but I started noticing around Thanksgiving. Either right before or right after, I'm a little fuzzy on that,” the woman stated.
Our original source claimed what they saw happened before the holidays. After speaking with this woman, we contacted the first for clarification. They admitted it could have been between holidays, rather than before Thanksgiving like they originally claimed. If that is the case, then the two sources accounts line up rather well.
The woman continued, telling us about one incident she saw herself: “This was definitely after the holidays, when we picked up after the break.” [Ed. Note: Agent: SEAL took a short filming break from just before Christmas to right after New Year's Day. Some details of the following account were edited to protect the source's identity] “I was doing (my set job). The cast tend to not really notice the crew while were working. They're super busy doing actor things and we just.... don't exist. It's fine, we get our work done. Point being, the talent sometimes talk about things that maybe should be private when they're around us, because they literally don't register that we're there. Anyway, so this one day I was (doing my job) and Dominic and she walk by. I can hear them talking, and they stop at the end of the set I was working on. It's then where I heard the conversation. He was talking about how his wife hates everything about his job. She hates Hollywood, and watching him work, and dealing with the media. She thinks it's all fake. He was upset that his wife doesn't get it. She just agreed with him and backed him up, called it bulls—t that his wife couldn't support him. And then he said, and I remember this word for word, because it's what convinced me of their relationship, “Luckily I've got you to make up for it.” I stopped working and listened closer. She said “Yes you certainly do.” They walked off after that.”
It's been a not-so-secretly known fact that Teller's wife, Bree Lancaster, is not a fan of the TV and film side of the entertainment business. She's been on record several times saying so. What our source claims she heard lines up with that. The woman went on to tell us the most damning thing she saw, just a few weeks ago at the start of the month: “Lunch was over and they were ready to roll again. Except the scene needed Dominic and her. Chris (Safford, director) sent a few of us around the sound stage looking for them. At this point it was almost an open secret what's been going on. So, I go to the next set that didn't have someone searching it, which was the one for Connor's (Teller's character) apartment. The lights were down since they weren't using that set that day, but it was still pretty clear what I saw. They were on the sofa, she was sitting on him, and they were going at it. Someone else might have turned around but I didn't want to hear Chris yell all day. So I cleared my throat. She jumped off, landing on the sofa next to him, while he sat up and leaned over, trying to cover himself. It didn't really work, so I looked down. He yelled “What?” at me? I said “Chris is looking for you, he's ready to roll.” They both thanked me. I heard noises like someone getting up, fixing clothes, you know. I was gonna leave, but he stopped me, and said “You didn't see any of this.” I made myself look back, finding them dressed. I looked him in the eye and said “I don't know what you're talking about.” And then I walked away.”
When asked why she decided to speak out despite her apparent agreement not to, the woman stated: “I had no plans to. It doesn't concern me. But then the first person spoke up. I found out about the reputation he has that I didn't know about before. I debated with myself about it, but decided to expose what I saw, because I'm a woman and a wife, and his wife deserves better. Even if she already knows and tolerates this... she still deserves better.”
Hollywood Update asked our source who the woman was that she saw with Teller that day, but she wouldn't go on the record with an answer. There has been no confirmation but rumor suggests the woman may be Teller's co-star, Amanda Verot. Neither she nor her team could be reached for comment.
Agent: SEAL is set to release the first half of Season 1 on Paramount, dropping March 1.”
-----
Before I realize what I'm doing, I see my phone flying through the air, because I threw it. It hits the couch next to Dom and bounces off, landing hard on the floor. I couldn't possibly care less about it at the moment.
“Are you fucking serious?!”
Dom sits shaking his head, almost as if didn't even notice I nearly hit him with my phone. I think I tried but missed. “This is bullshit.” He spoke quietly, the tone sounding more to me like he was calling the woman speaking about it bullshit, rather than what she said.
“Is it, Dom? Is it bullshit? Because that reads pretty goddamn specific! You told her not to say anything?! So you knew she saw you?! I can't....” I can barely breathe. “I can't fucking believe you!”
Finally Dom shows some emotion, as he shoots to his feet, tossing his own phone aside.
“Apparently you haven't believed me this entire time, if you believe that!”
“What else am I supposed to do, Dom? Ever since the first one hit, you have yet to make a direct denial! Either to the media or to me!”
“I shouldn't have to!”
“Oh really? You don't think you should have to tell your wife-”
“NO! Because my wife should know better!” Dom yelled over me, and now I hear Heath starting to whine a little. I'm ashamed to admit I completely forgot he was in the room.
“Great. Look what you did.”
“What I did? You're literally standing there telling me that just trusting me isn't good enough, and I'm the one causing this problem?” I cross my arms and glare at him, making the point that, yes, he is causing the problem. If I hadn't already decided to leave, this would have pushed me there.
“This is insulting, you know that?”
“That goddamn article is insulting! Not explicitly denying it is insulting!”
“I'm not gonna do it, Bree! Simply on principle. You shouldn't have to ask.”
“This entire situation shouldn't exist! But something made those two women talk. I don't know if what they said is true or not, but I know you're lying to me. Or hiding something. I just don't know what.”
Dom scoffs, and turns away from me, looking down at Heath. He isn't whining anymore since we stopped yelling, but he does look upset. Yes Nugget, Momma is upset, too. Dom turns back to me.
“If that's what you truly believe, nothing I say to you is going to change your mind.”
“Try me.”
“Nah. There's no point. Are we done here? Because I'm really sick of this conversation.”
I take a step backwards, my arms still crossed. “Yes, Dom. I think we're done here.”
He has no idea how done I really am. Maybe I should just tell him right now, and get it over with. His temper and moods have been too out of character lately for me to buy into anything he's trying to say. And don't even get me started about the last time we had sex.
“Matter of fact....” I fully intended to spill everything when I started talking, but I can't make myself say any of it. Not yet. Instead, I snatch my phone from the floor (surprisingly unbroken), then walk across the den and grab my jacket and clutch from the hook near the den doorway. I unhook my keys from the clutch strap and go to the door.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“Out.”
“Out where?”
I spin around and glare. “I don't feel I should have to answer that question.”
“Very cute. You've made your point clear. Now where-”
“I trust you can take care of your son for a few hours.”
“Of course I can, but Bree-”
“Don't wait up.” I turn to the door and open it.
“Bree, where are you going?” I pay him no attention as I walk out. I can her him calling my name as I slam the door behind me. I have to get out of here, before I say things before I planned to. So much for the heated pool swim to help my ribs.
* * * * *
Ten minutes and a few texts to Josh later, I am on my way driving across the river, headed to his condo. But, I need to cover myself. So I call Amy.
“Hey Bree.”
“Hey. Um. Are you busy?”
“No... are you okay?”
“Why would you ask me that after I spoke five words?”
“I know you. Also... I've been online in the last hour.”
“Of course you have.” I sniff inadvertently. I hadn't realized I was mildly crying.
“So, you're not okay.”
“No. We had a big fight about it. He won't deny it. He says he shouldn't have to.”
“That's bullshit.”
“Thank you! And you know, I shouldn't be mad. I just don't want to be lied to.”
“No one does.”
I realize that I've probably told Dom a few little bitty lies about how long classes are or my whereabouts in the last few weeks, and shake my head at myself, keeping an eye on the traffic.
“I'm such a fucking hypocrite, Amy. I don't even know what I'm doing or saying anymore.”
“Did you call to ask me for something, or just to vent?”
“Both, actually. If anyone asks you, I'm at your house tonight. Except... I'm not actually coming to your house.” Yes, I realize the hypocrisy of creating a cover story lie thirty seconds after saying I don't want to be lied to. Didn't I just admit to Amy I'm a hypocrite?
“Josh's, then?”
“Where else would I be going?”
“Did you leave Heath at home?”
“Yes. Dom might be lying to me about all of this, but I do trust him to take care of his son.” Right now that's the only thing I trust him for.
“Okay, just wondering. And, just in case I'm asked... are you spending the night 'at my house'?”
“I don't know yet. I'll let you know.”
“Okay. I just need to know what to say for you. Text me whenever.”
“I will. You don't have to do this, you know. I know its a lot, asking you to lie for me.” Amy did a lot of lying for herself when she was drinking, so it's probably a really bad idea for me to ask this of her.
“I don't see it as lying. I see it as helping you.”
“Thank you. I'm going to need a lot more of that soon.”
“What do you mean?”
I take a deep breath. So far I have only told Josh my plans. But I need to start acting like it's happening, because it will. “I'm planning to leave him.”
I spent the rest of the drive to Josh's telling Amy details about the argument, and how I almost ended it tonight. She thinks I'm prolonging my unhappiness for the person who's causing the unhappiness, but I can't mess up the show release for him. Maybe if I'd come to hate him I could, but I could never hate him. I just can't stay with him. I parked in front of Josh's condo still talking to Amy. She promised to keep my plans to herself, and reminded me to let her know if I'm allegedly spending the night at her house.
After ending the call, I text Josh to tell him I'm here. I also see a few texts from Dom, and one missed call. I don't bother to read them. In the time it takes me to get out of the car and walk up to the door, Josh is already there, standing in the open doorway.
“That didn't take long.” I say nothing as he lets me in. After closing the door, his arms are around me. “You're not okay.”
“No.” I lean into him as he holds me tighter. I had said in the texts that there was another article and Dom and I had a fight about it, but no other details. I wonder if Josh looked it up while I was on my way here.
“Did you do it?” I know what he means – tell Dom I'm leaving.
“No. I almost did.... but I came here instead.” I sigh. “I really don't want to get into it right now. Can I just tell you everything in the morning?”
“You're staying over?”
“If you want me to.” The only nights we've spent together so far have been in hotels on the road with SCW. I've been here more times than I can count but I've never spent the night. I never had a good excuse to not be at home.
He pulls away far enough to show me his grin. “Of course I want you to.”
“Then I'll stay.”
“Then we'll talk about it in the morning.”
He gives me a soft kiss, and I feel a little better already.
Hours later, in the middle of the night, I wake up with Josh's arm draped across me. My side is still a little sore from Simon's attack at Breakdown, but not enough for the arm to bother me. Josh is still asleep, but I need to get up for the bathroom. I move his arm slowly, and manage to get out of the bed without waking him. I grab my phone on the way to the bathroom. It's nearly 3AM. Luckily I had remembered to text Amy and let her know I was staying over, before Josh did his best to distract me from everything in my head. I had almost forgotten why I came here, until I saw the notifications for the still-unread texts from Dom. I don't intend on reading them. It doesn't matter, because I'm going back home in the morning. Staying here made me think maybe Amy was right and I should just get things over with instead of prolonging this for everyone. Done in the bathroom, I turn the light off before opening the door, and gently get back into bed. Josh is still sleeping, but he's turned around while I was gone. I slide up behind him and put my arm over him, like he had his on me earlier. This is where I want to be, for so many reasons.
I think I'm done waiting.
{{ Wednesday, February 21
Kenner, LA
Bree's home }}
With my mind set on what I want to do, I walk through my front door a little past 7AM. I smelled coffee as soon as I opened the door, so I know Dom is awake already. Either that or didn't go to bed, even though I said not to wait up. It's far too early for Heath to be awake yet, so we should have a good hour, if not more, to talk before he needs either one of us. Plenty of time, I think. I hope.
I throw my clutch on the side table, wondering where Dom is. I thought he'd be in the kitchen, since there's coffee. I glance at the pot, and notice he made enough for me. Shrugging, I grab a mug and pour. As I'm stirring my cream and sugar in, there are steps behind me.
“Morning.”
I turn and Dom is there, holding his own mug. Like me, he's wearing what he had on yesterday. Judging by the rumpled look, I'd guess he slept in it.
“Morning.” I have a sip of my coffee. “Thanks for the coffee.”
“Figured you'd be back sometime this morning, after I spoke to Amy last night.”
“I know you did. She told me.” She hadn't, but it was the story we agreed on. I really am getting too good at this. It reminds me of the person I used to be and I don't like it. But it'll be over soon.
“Do you think maybe we can have a rational conversation, now that we've both had time to calm down?”
“Yes, in fact I think we need to.”
“Den?”
I nod, and follow him. We sit on the couch, on either end, turn towards each other. Might as well be as comfortable as possible physically for what I assume will be one of the most uncomfortable conversations I'll ever have. He asked for this first, so I wait to let him start. Might as well let him say what he wants to say before I do what I need to do.
“I'll assume we're both sorry for the way we spoke yesterday and there's no need to go over that, right?”
“Right. Just say what's on your mind, clearly there's something you want to get to.”
“There is. First though, I should say that if we're gonna get anywhere with this, we both should be as open and honest as possible.”
I start to say that I always am, but I know I haven't been either open nor honest for weeks.
“Okay, I agree.”
“Alright. So, I don't really have some big statement on my mind so much as a question. Rather than focusing on the fact that you want me to directly respond to those accusations, I'm more interested in why. Why do you feel the need to actually hear me refute it?”
He wants open? Okay. I sip more coffee then put my mug on the side table. “Because you haven't been acting like yourself, and there has to be a reason why. Either it's what I'm always afraid of and you're getting too into that asshole character-” Dom sighs, but makes himself stay quiet. “-or you're hiding something. Or both. But I've known you for too long to not know that something isn't right. Why not start with the obvious?”
Nodding in acknowledgment of my words, Dom takes a few moments to consider his words. I wonder if he's just finding as hard to be open like he requested, or if he's trying to remember some cover story. But it doesn't matter, I remind myself. Not after I have my say.
“Okay. I can admit I have been off in recent weeks. The studio was pushing us to finish the show on time, the media hasn't helped. It's more pressure and stress than I'm used to and I'm apparently not handling it well. But, as long as we're being completely honest here, you haven't been yourself lately, either. You've seemed... preoccupied, distant.”
I scoff, but try my best to keep my voice neutral. “Of course I am, what do you expect? The media has millions of people convinced that you're cheating on me, and you've never once stated a direct denial. Every statement you make to them, or to me, is semantics and word play. You sound like that asshole character you're playing.”
Now Dom scoffs, shaking his head. “You're still stuck on that?”
“I'm just telling you what I see. Now I have a question for you.” He nods for me to ask. “Why are you so upset that I need to hear you expressly say it's not true?”
“Because you should know without me saying anything. Quite honestly, so should the media and the public. I can maybe understand some people holding things from years ago, before you, against me. But its your doubt that hits the hardest. You know me better than anyone.”
Exactly. I just know he's lying. I should use this as my spot to tell him everything and end this mess, but I can't let this point go. “That's exactly the problem, Dom. I don't know you anymore. You haven't been you since you started this project.”
Dom sighs heavily. “Bree, we've-”
“No, listen to me. Really listen. You've had a short temper, been easily agitated when normally almost nothing bothers you. You go back and forth from wanting nothing to with me to being all over me, and that is definitely not the man I married. You are getting stuck in this character's mindset and you don't realize it. Except I have to live with it, and I never know who I'm talking to, Dom or Connor.”
“Connor doesn't exist, except in a script. I don't know what else to say or do to make you understand that.”
“Be yourself! Leave that character on the fucking set. Because here's what it comes down to, okay? I believe with my whole heart that Dominic Teller would never cheat on his wife. But I've seen enough of that show to know that Connor Cross would. And I don't know who you are. I don't think you do, either.”
Dom lowers his head, shaking it some. Maybe I've finally gotten through to him that I'm not crazy and he actually has taken on that personality without realizing it. When he looks back up, the irritated expression in his eyes is gone, and I see my husband there for the first time in weeks.
“What exactly is it that you want from me, Bree?”
“I want you to tell me the truth, plainly. Stop making vague statements that are open to interpretation. I used to play those word games, I know it when I hear it.”
“Okay.” Dom takes a deep breath, and nods to himself as he lets the breath out. It's almost like he's just resigned himself to something. “What do you want to know? Ask me the question.”
“You know the question.”
“No, if you want a direct answer, you need to ask a direct question. What exactly do you want to know?”
“Can we not do this, you know goddamn well what I want to know!” My voice went up at the end, I am this close to losing all composure. I'm tired of the games.
“If I have to say the words, so do you. That's how this is gonna work.” I breath out hard, I know he isn't going to budge on this. “Ask me the question... and I'll give you the truth.”
Something about the way he's looking at me makes me believe that however he answers me, will indeed be the real truth. He seems anxious, but resolved. Maybe he's bluffing. I decide to call it.
“Fine. Are you sleeping with Amanda?”
Dom's shoulders relax and drop, and he closes his eyes for a moment. I guess he can't believe I actually asked. But its out there now, and I'm waiting for my answer. I don't take my eyes off him for a second. Opening his eyes, he makes a point to look me directly into mine.
“No. I am not sleeping with Amanda.”
That's not what I expected to hear, I honestly thought I was about to hear a confession. And I can't explain why.... but I believe him. Whatever he's been keeping from me, it isn't this. Maybe it's nothing at all, it's just character residue.
“Okay.”
“Okay? Okay what?”
“Okay... I believe you.” Saying it out loud makes it real, and for the first time since I made my decision, I wonder if I'm making a mistake. Dom relaxes even more and reaches out for my hand. I give it.
“Is that really all you needed, for me to just say it?”
“Yes. Truth needs to be direct, not an assumption that someone just knows.”
“I just thought you knew me better.”
“I thought I did, too. Until you were not you. You brought that character into our house, and into our bed. Or do I have to remind you about the last time we had sex?” I hadn't planned on saying anything about that, but it just came tumbling out.
“That...” He shakes his head at himself. “Must have really bothered you for you to mention it.” I just nod. I am not and never have been one to talk plainly about sex. Blame my parents for raising me Catholic. “I'm sorry, okay? I can admit I got a little carried away, just trying to show you... that I'm here. With you.” I nod again. I don't know what to say. He squeezes my hand gently, and speaks just as gentle. “Did I hurt you?”
“Maybe a little. Only because I wasn't expecting it.”
“I'm really sorry.”
“Maybe some other time I might have enjoyed it, but... with everything else going on, me always wondering if you're you or not...” I can't continue. I'm surprised at myself for even saying that much out loud. Dom moves closer to me, and at least for now, I know who I'm talking to.
“Okay. I get it. I know I've said that before, but I really do this time. If I've been keeping character, you're right that I haven't noticed. I'm going to try to pay more attention to myself, and leave Connor on the set.”
“Thank you for finally listening to me.”
“Thank you for believing me.”
Dom leans in and gives me a kiss. I fall into it easily, into the familiarity. He pulls back enough to talk. “You know who I am, babe. You always have.” I just nod, I'm afraid to try to speak. “If you're still not sure, let me show you.” Kissing me again, slowly, he gently pulls on me to get closer, then more to sit me on his lap, sideways. This is absoloutely not where I thought this converstion was going to end up, but I can't stop myself.... and I don't want to. We continue kissing, and I start to move to put one leg over him, to sit with my legs around him, but he stops me. “Probably be a lot more comfortable if we took this upstairs.”
“You'll have to be careful of my ribs.”
With a nod, Dom kisses me once more, then nudges me to get up.
Following my husband up the stairs to our bedroom, I realize that I didn't get to say one word about what I wanted to talk about – me leaving. But I can't do it. Not now. Not after this conversation.
Maybe not at all. Did I have everything wrong?
But what about Josh?
I have no idea what to do.