Playing the Wildcard #1
{{ Thursday, April 6
Metairie, LA
East Jefferson General Hospital }}
Just as the doctor's said, they tried to take Heath off the machine again the following day. It seemed like everything was going to be okay, but he failed again about twenty four hours later. Same thing, low oxygen. So, back under sedation and back on the machine. This time though, they are trying a different approach. During the day they'll only have him on light sedation. He'll be awake but calm, relaxed, not agitated in any way. And then at night have the full dose to sleep. Then try to take him off the machine again in a week. Its been a few days now and it's going well. I can tell he's happy to see me and Dom, and even the medical staff.
Nora has not been back.
Her excuse for the night Heath's feeding tube came out was that her sister had been waiting for her in the parking lot, and she knew we were on our way, so she didn't think it was a big deal, since the nurses had taken Heath anyway. She also claimed the nurse told her he was calling us. When I explained, she apologized and said they must have misunderstood each other. When asked why she didn't answer, she said she forgot to take her phone off silent and didn't see the calls til the morning. I had no real reason not to believe her, other than the feeling in my gut. But I couldn't make any accusations based on that. So I let it go, and gave her the next few days off. She tried to insist on visiting, but I told her she deserves days off. I don't plan on calling her to come back until Saturday.
Normally on a Thursday night I would be at an arena in another city with SCW for Breakdown. But this week they are running a special Saturday show, so I chose tonight to spend the night at the hospital with my son. Dom and I arrived around five, allowing Jaina to go home. Dom stayed with me a few hours, we had dinner together brought up to us from the cafeteria, and he left a little after eight. He has another conference call about the TV show tomorrow morning. Lisa thinks they're revealing the name of the series, and coordinating sending everyone their actual contracts.
It's been about an hour since Dom left, and I am waiting on the night nurse to come by and give Heath his night dose to go to sleep for the night. It's been great having him awake and looking at me and smiling a little, as much as he can with the tube, when I talk to him. It's just a few more days until they try to remove the tube again and I am asking every deity I know of and any others who may be listening to help him be strong enough to stay off it. I have my Kindle with me as usual and I'm reading the lost fish story to Heath again, he seems to really like it. I tried one about a mommy and baby frog but he made a face. So fish it is.
Just as I read the last line of the story, I hear a light knock and the door opens. It's the nurse I've come to know and like, Mary, the one who recognized the illness Heath has.
“Evening, Bree. I didn't want to interrupt the story, so I waited a minute.” She smiles.
“Aww, that was nice of you. It was only the twenty-fifth time he's heard it.”
“Only?” We both laugh. “Well, it's time for meds. Are you staying with us tonight?”
“I am. Dom has a work thing in the morning so it's just me.”
Mary speaks as she prepares the syringe. “Well, I hope you're comfortable. I know it's been a while since you slept here. I'm off in an hour, so let me know if you need anything before I leave.”
“I think I have everything. Pillow and blanket from home. Pajamas. My toothbrush. But thank you.”
I watch as she puts the medication into the.... whatever they call that thing on Heath's IV line.
“Of course. I'll leave a note to make sure the morning crew brings your coffee.” Mary smirks. She already knows me so well.
“I appreciate that” Mary looks at Heath and smiles at him. He looks up at her and tries to smile back. “I think he likes you.”
“I think he'll be glad to see my back.” She looks back up at me. “Just like you will once he's better.”
“I mean... I'll be happy to be home. But you've been great. Everyone here has been.”
Mary smiles again. “Thank you, dear. That means a lot to us to hear. This little boy here should be asleep in about twenty minutes. If I don't get to pass back before I'm off, have a good night.”
“Thank you, you do the same.”
Mary gives us one last smile then walks out, closing the door all the way, with a soft click.
I scoot to the edge of the couch and lean towards Heath. “Hey Nugget. It's sleepytime, you ready?” He smiles. “Good boy. I'll fix your blanket.” I get up and get his blanket from the side of his bed, and tuck it in around him. It's always colder in here at night. We've tried to adjust the thermostat in the room but I don't think it actually does anything. I brush his fine hair back away from his forehead, and hum a little nonsense tune, waiting until he falls asleep. It was more like five minutes than twenty. I watch him a minute, to make sure he's out, then step away.
I turn off the light over the couch, pull out the bed from it, get my pillow and blanket ready, then change into my pajamas – cotton sleep pants and a loose t-shirt, with socks, to stay warm. The only light in the room now is the small nightlight near the sink, and the tiny ones on Heath's monitors. I get myself settled on the pull-out bed, and grab my Kindle.
Since it's impossible to bring an actual candle into the hospital to relax and meditate with, I found a candle simulator app. It's very realistic, I think they just filmed real candles burning, then put it on a loop. You can choose from different colors, and there are background noises, too. At first, I lay with the tablet propped up on my stomach and watch the virtual candle for twenty minutes, set on a timer. That was enough to relax me. After that, I choose a different, dimmer light candle, and pick a background noise of wind blowing. I set this timer for an hour, set the tablet on the side table behind me, and lay back, pulling the blanket up to sleep. It's only just after nine, but this place is tiring and I know I can use the rest.
It doesn't take me long to drift off....
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It's afternoon. Dom and I arrive at the hospital to see Heath. We rushed in,
as we were called and told his breathing got worse overnight.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Instead of going to the room he's been in for weeks now,
we're led to a room down the other hallway. I gasp when I see it.
Heath is in a bed that's more like a plastic cage. There are more tubes and wires
attached than I've ever seen.
“Oh my God... is he-”
“He's stable. For now.”
A doctor I haven't met and don't know speaks.
“What does that mean? What's happening?”
I feel Dom's hand on my back, trying to calm me.
It's not working.
“He's on the ventilator but oxygen is still dropping.”
“Why?”
“We're not quite sure, to be honest.”
“What do you mean you're not sure?!”
The doctor steps back. Dom rubs my back.
“Bree. He's just doing his job. Doctor? What can you tell us?”
“Not much more than that, I'm afraid. It seems like the infant botulism treatment is failing.”
“Excuse me?” Dom is no longer calm.
“Why weren't we told that can happen?”
I can't breathe.
“Because as far as I know, it hasn't happened before. I've called...”
The doctor's words become a buzz in my ears.
The buzz is pierced by shrill beeps.
The doctor spins. I look towards my son, under all the tubes. Every monitor
connected to him is blinking warnings.
“What's happening?!”
The doctor doesn't answer. He just speeds to Heath's bedside
We probably shouldn't be here, but I can't move.
I don't think Dom can either.
“Pulse dropping!”
“Oxygen too!”
“We're losing him...”
No.
A shrill steady beep replaces the intermittent one. I know what that is.
NO!
“Get the defib!”
“Ready.”
“Clear!”
A loud electrical thump. The shrill beep returns.
NO!!!
I can't hear anything else. Just a wooshing in my ears. I watch as they try agaain.
All sense of urgency around my son stops.
The doctor looks up at a clock.
A nurse turns and covers her face.
The doctor approaches us. Slowly. Sadly.
“I'm sorry.... we had to call it.”
I fall too fast for Dom to catch me and hit the floor.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I wake up, my heart racing like I just finished a thirty minute match. I sit up so fast the blanket flies off and stare at Heath. All the monitors are flashing normal lights. I can see my Nugget's chest rising and falling steadily. Normal. I wipe my face off, just now realizing my cheeks are drenched with tears. I glance at my Kindle, then tap the screen to see the time. 2:47 AM. I get up and go over to Heath. He looks perfect. I rest my hand on his chest, covering my mouth with the other hand to stop myself from making any too-loud choked back sobs. I can see and feel that he's okay but I can't make my heart stop racing.
Dom always tells me that when we're apart, I can call him at any time if I need him. I kiss Heath's forehead and grab my phone. Sliding my slippers on, I crack open the door. I can't use my phone in here. The light in the hallway blinds me. Of course. It's nearly 3 AM but the workers need full light. I blink a few times as my eyes adjust, then go down the hallway to the little outdoor courtyard. I keep calling it that but it's more like an enclosed balcony, given we're on the 7th floor. It's a sort of half-circle around an actual courtyard, with a few very tall trees in the middle, splaying branches and shade on all of the balconies. I push on the door latch and hope it's not locked due to the time. It's not. I go through as quietly as I can, and sit at one of the tables as I tap on my phone screen. Ir rings so long that I expect the voicemail to pick up, but at the last second Dom answers.
“Bree? What's wrong?” He sounds half-asleep.
“I'm sorry I woke you... but-” My throat catches.
“Bree?” Dom sounds more alert, and scared.
“He's fine. It's not that.”
I hear an exhale. “Then what?”
“Another nightmare. We... we watched him die. Right here in the hospital.”
“Fuck...” I hear movement, I assume Dom sitting up. “Are you okay?”
“I don't know. I mean its almost three in the morning and I called you.”
“Right, dumb question.”
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean-”
“It's fine. You're understandably upset.”
“I just... I don't know why this happened. I took my pill.” The last time I dreamed that Heath was dead, I had missed a dose.
“Stress, babycakes. That'll override any medication.”
I sigh, but finally starting to feel my heart return to a normal rate. Probably just from hearing Dom's voice. “I guess so.”
“Do you want me to come up there?”
“I would love that, but I don't know if they'll let you in at this time.”
He scoffs. “Of course they will.” Right. We're us. “I can leave here in ten minutes.”
I remember something. “Wait. What about your call in the morning for the TV show?”
“They'll just have to make an exception. It's good they learn now that with me, family comes first.”
“Well, if you're sure...” I'd hate for him to mess up with this job before it even really starts.
“I am. I'll call Lisa first thing. Do you need anything?”
“No. Just you.”
“You always have that. See you soon.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
The call ends, and I sit outside a few more minutes to try to calm down some more. The night air is cool, even if I can't feel a breeze due to the building behind me. As I go back inside, a nurse steps out from the station just past Heath's room.
“Ms. Lancaster. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, thank you. I just woke up and needed some air.”
She gives me a knowing smile. “I understand. I'm told your husband is on his way.”
Dom must have called. “He is. I hope its no trouble for him to come in after hours.”
“Not at all. We do make exceptions on occasion, for certain circumstances.”
I give her a weak smile. “Thank you.” It makes me feel better to know that they're not breaking the rules for us just because we're famous.
Back in Heath's room, I'm sitting on the pull out bed, the candle app on my Kindle open again. The nurse had followed me in to check on Heath. Everything is fine. About fifteen minutes after I came back in, the door opens. I look up and Dom walks in. He's in sweat pants and a t-shirt, and carrying a bag.
“Baby. Hey.”
He steps in, and closes the door. “Hey. How are you?”
“Better now that you're here. What's in the bag?”
He sets it down on the chair, and unzips it. “An extra blanket. I know how you get cold in here.” He pulls out a blanket, a thicker one than the one I brought. I smile as he hands it to me. “And a pillow for me.” I don't blame him for that, the hospital ones suck.
“Good idea.”
I get up and let Dom redo the pullout bed. He puts both pillows together, then lays out my thin blanket, with the thicker one on top. It almost looks like a real bed. It's a weird size though, wider than a twin but not as much as a full. I let Dom get in and lay down first, so he's against the back of the couch, then I lay next to him. I close the Kindle and put it away. I won't need it now. It's a tight fit on this weird-sized pull out bed, but tonight that's a good thing. Dom puts his arm around me and before I can thank him for everything, I am asleep.
{{ Monday, April 10
Kenner, LA
Bree's home }}
Yesterday was Easter, but you'd never know it by being around us. Breakdown Saturday happened. I was supposed to have a match against Kandis for the TV title, but she clearly had no interest in actually challenging me. Instead, she jumped me, and the match never actually started. It turned into a mess involving Amy, Simon, Liz, James Evans, and even Syren. I'm still getting used to a few things. Amy and Simon being on the active roster. James Evans being the one against trying to maim as much as possible, Syren and I not screeching at each other like banshees. A lot of things have changed in SCW, Selena isn't wrong about that, even though I don't see things in quite the dire way she does.
But I am not worried about any of that today.
Today, I brought home Heath's blanket he's been using a few days to be washed, and I'm bringing a clean one back. Heath had his last sedative does this morning. Once that wears off about halfway, Dr. Haddad is removing his breathing tube again. Hopefully for the last time. It's getting closer and closer to Heath's first birthday and I really don't want to be celebrating it at EJGH.
I am in Heath's room, sitting in the rocking chair. It seems so quiet in here, so... stuffy, since he hasn't been here. The crib bed has been made too long. It'll smell stale when he gets home instead of fresh. I get up, deciding to change the sheets and blanket in the crib. Setting the pillow and stuffed monkey on the chair I was just sitting in, I pull the sheets off and toss them into a pile on the floor, to be picked up and washed later. I open the bottom dresser drawer where the sheets are kept, and pull out a fresh set. Setting it on top of the dresser, I open the other bottom drawer, where the blankets are, and dig around. I'm looking for a certain one, with the planets and stars all over, that Ms. Brenda sent a few months ago. The fabric is very soft and Heath loves it. We've already brought it to the hospital for him once, it's time for another appearance. But it's not right on top. I squat and pull the drawer out some more, and reach into the back, moving things around. In the back corner, my hand brushes against something small and hard. I grab it... a bottle? What is a bottle doing in here? I pull it out.... and stare.
It's a bottle of honey. Half empty.
It takes a few seconds for everything to click. And when it does, I nearly drop the bottle on the floor.
“DOOOOOOMMMM!!”
Seconds later, my husband appears in the doorway. “What? Is everything okay?”
“I don't think so.” I hold the bottle up. Dom walks into the room, eyeing the bottle oddly.
“Where did that come from?”
“The bottom drawer. All the way in the back behind and under his blankets.”
“Hidden?”
“Hidden.”
We just look at each other a few seconds, neither needing to say what we both knew. Nora.
“Set it down there, don't touch it any further. We'll put it in a plastic bag. I'm sure there's prints on it.”
I set the bottle on the dresser as Dom suggested. “Prints? Should we call the police?”
“Not yet, I don't think. She'll just deny it.”
“So what do we do?” I just stare at the honey bottle. If this means what I think it means....
Nora poisoned our son.
I look up at Dom, unable to hold back my panic. “Dom what do we do?! We can't let that woman anywhere near him! What if it's her fault he had that infection, and that the feeding tube came out, and that's why she left before we got there? What if-”
Dom stops me by grabbing me gently by both shoulders. “Bree. Take a breath. We don't know that she did any of that. All we know... is that a substance that is known to cause his illness was hidden in his blanket drawer. Everything else could, and probably is, legitimate.”
“Dom. We-”
“I agree. We can't let her near him, at least not alone. Not until we know what exactly is in that bottle.”
Dom touching me is like he's grounding me. The panic falls away, and I'm filled with calm – angry and determined – but calm.
“You're right. I need my phone.”
Dom lets me go and looks around. It's on the side table next to the crib. He grabs it for me.
“Who are you calling?”
“Dr. Haddad's office.” I tap away.
“Good morning, Dr. Haddad's office, this is Dee.”
“Good morning Dee, this is Bree Lancaster, Dr. Haddad has been treating my son Heath at East Jeff for a type of botulism, and-”
“Oh, yes ma'am. I'm aware of the case. I've processed some of your paperwork. How can I help you?”
“Um... is Dr. Haddad in?”
“Not at this moment, he should be back from morning rounds soon though. Can I take a message?”
“Um.. okay. Maybe you'll know. When we first brought Heath to the hospital, we were asked if he'd eaten any honey. We said no, because we don't even use it at home. But.... well, I just found a bottle of some hidden in a drawer in his bedroom.”
I hear a gasp. “Oh... oh my gosh.”
“That's much more polite than what we said. I need to know if it's possible for the contents to be tested for the bacteria.”
“Yes ma'am, it is. I will let Dr. Haddad know what's going on as soon as he gets back. Can you bring that bottle here to us at the office?”
“Of course. Is now good?”
“Any time you like. We're open til four.”
“I'll see you in an hour or less.”
“Yes ma'am.”
I shove my phone into my pocket, and stare at that fucking bottle again. “Can you believe this?”
“I want to say no, but.... you knew.” I turn to Dom. He looks torn up. “You knew something was off about her and.... I tried to talk you down. I thought it was just...”
“Anxiety. I know. I thought you were right. I tried to talk myself out of it.” I take a deep breath.
“I wanted to be wrong.”
Dom steps up and pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him, and we stand like that for a minute or two. Then he pats my back before pulling away.
“Okay, come on. Let's get that into a bag and take it over.”
I grab the bottle, since I'd already touched it, and we go downstairs. Dom grabs a bag, I drop it in, and we are on our way.
Dee at Dr. Haddad's office was a very sweet lady around Amy's age. She took care of the paperwork, and made a note for the doctor to call me when he has time. She did tell us that the test results take a few days to come back. In the meantime we should focus on Heath getting better. After leaving Dr. Haddad's office, we head straight to the hospital. I have Heath's blanket I had been looking for – I would finish the crib sheets later – and we're nervous but hopeful that the process taking him off the machine this time would be successful. It would be a huge step in getting him back home.
{{ Friday, April 14
Metairie, LA
East Jefferson General Hospital }}
This time, Heath came off the machine perfectly fine. They gave him the little oxygen mask to help, and a day later he didn't even need that. Right now it's just a matter of making sure his breathing muscles stay strong, that he can drink from his bottle normally, and getting strength back in his body. We're told if all goes well, he could be discharged before Playing the Wildcard. I really hope so.
Breakdown last night was in Seattle. So Jaina and flew home overnight rather than waiting til morning. I wanted to be home as soon as possible to go see my son. We napped on the flight and landed right around sunrise. It looked really pretty as we came out of the plane. Dom met us at the airport to pick us up. I could tell Jaina was super tired so we took her home before going to the hospital. We didn't even go to our house to drop off my luggage. Which still includes the Television Championship. Glory Braddock and I had one hell of a match. I wasn't expecting to be so fast paces since her style is technical. There were a few times I thought she had me, but I somehow found it in me to kick out. This is a title I never had my eye on before but now that its mine thanks to Kim's chaos.... I have a responsibility to carry it and defend it as proudly as any other. In the end I got Glory down for the three. I have to admit it felt good to pin her. The gauntlet two years ago had been a festering sore in my head ever since, and I feel like I got my win back.
It's just after seven AM when we get to the hospital. We step off the elevator on the 7th floor... and find Dr. Haddad waiting for us.
“Good morning. I was hoping you'd be in early.”
“Good morning. How is he?”
“Very well, actually. He's doing much better taking a bottle. We should be able to remove the feeding tube later today.”
Dom and I look at each other and smile. One more step closer to home.
“That's fantastic news! Did this happen this morning?”
“Yes ma'am, about an hour ago. He took the whole bottle. If h does the same for lunch, we'll remove the tube.”
“And how much longer after that can we go home?”
Dr. Haddad sighs, and appears to be thinking. “A week, maybe less. We'll want to make sure he's eating well and starting to gain muscle strength back. And we'll give you some exercises to do with him to help that along. He shouldn't be too far behind as far as starting to walk.”
“He was nearly there before this happened. Pulling himself up using the couch or a chair.” Dom sounds proud of that.
“Good, I'm confident he'll recover fully and get all of that strength back.”
I'm smiling so hard my face hurts, but I can't help it. “That's the best thing I've heard in weeks.”
Dom wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close, sort of a sideways hug, and leans close to my ear. “He'll be home before you know it, cakes. This is almost over.”
I nod, and try to stop myself from crying. Dr. Haddad clears his throat lightly.
“I do have some other news for you, I'm not sure if you'll consider it good or bad, though.”
I don't know what he means, but Dom picks up on it. “The honey bottle?”
“Yes. We have test results back. The container is positive for the bacteria.”
I breathe out hard, and Dom gives me a gentle squeeze. “I knew it....”
“We'll have to talk to her.”
“I still think we should call the police.”
Dr. Haddad steps closer. “What do you mean, call the police?”
I sigh. “We think.... our caretaker may have done it deliberately.”
He nods slowly, deliberating. I wonder if he believed me. It sounds crazy. “I can contact DCFS if you like.”
I look up and Dom, and he doesn't seem sure about that. “We'll think about it.”
“I'd like to speak to her first.”
“Very well. Just let me know. I hate to just walk off but I have a patient waiting. You can go in to your son's room.”
“Of course, you have important work. Thank you, for everything.”
Dr. Haddad smiles and walks off down the hall towards the elevators.
Dom and go into Heath's room. He's sitting up in his bed, laughing. We have Jaina's friend Marie Caedes here sitting with him. She's done so a few times while Heath has been sick, when Jaina was with me at work and neither Wyatt or Amy could stay. Marie wrestled a few months last year when Jaina gave it a shot, but ended up with a concussion. She never really got rid of the symptoms fully. Shame, too. The Caedes/Brewster family is renowned for their wrestling accomplishments. I have hope she'll recover and return to the ring eventually.
“Good morning, Marie.” She turns and smiles
“Hey, I wasn't expecting you to be here so early. Good morning.”
I walk over to Heath and he pulls himself up using the crib rail. “Hi Nugget! Look at my strong boy!” Heath laughs, and the effort causes him to lose his grip and his legs to go out. He drops back down on his butt. It doesn't bother him though, as he laughs. I lean in and pick him up. It's so much easier now with only the IV and the feeding tube attachment on him. “I'm so happy to see you, baby. Did you miss me?”
Heath smiles, and lays his head on my shoulder. I could cry. I think he wants so badly to be home. Marie gets up and grabs an envelope that I didn't see until she moved towards it. She hands it to Dom.
“The doctor came earlier and left this for you. It's some kind of test result. Was it the honey?” Dom makes a face. “Jaina told me.”
“Right, of course she did. Yes, that's what it is. It was shown to have the bacteria.”
“Oh wow... so that's why he got sick. Someone gave him honey. That's crazy! I have a little brother and a ton of cousins, so even I know better than that.” Marie is one year younger than Jaina.
“Yeah... its certainly concerning.”
“Do you know who did it? I promise it wasn't me or Jay.”
I give her a smile. Marie really is the sweetest thing. “We know that, babe. If you're tired you can go now. Do you need a ride home?”
“No, I drove here. Thank you though.” Marie boops Heath's nose and he picks his head up, grinning at her. “See you next time, little bub.” With a smile, Marie grabs her bag and leaves.
Dom takes Heath from me and sits on the couch. Heath gets comfy in his daddy's lap. Dom chuckles a little. “I think he's about to fall asleep.”
“Let him.”
“Of course”
I start to tidy up the crib. I folded his blanket, straightened the pillow wedge. Moved the blanket to the other side. Turned the pillow around. Just moving things to be doing something.
“Bree? You're nervous. Are you okay?”
I flop the blanket down hard, and look at him. “No. We should get Nora here and confront her.”
“You really think that's a good idea?”
“She won't be alone with him. And I want to do it face to face to see her reaction. She is a terrible liar. Kinda like me, so I can tell.”
Dom looks down at Heath, who did in fact fall asleep. He grins, then looks back at me.
“Alright. Give her a call.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Half an hour later, Nora arrives at the hospital. I didn't want to, but we let her in Heath's room to say hi for a few minutes. He seemed very happy to see her. It breaks my heart that he has no idea she is likely the reason he is here and felt bad for so long. All he knows though is she's the lady who's been around his whole life, caring for him when Momma and Daddy were busy. The thought is almost enough to make me forget everything, so Heath wouldn't lose someone he's close to.
But then she picks him up.
“Hey there Nugget. I missed you soooo much!” She kisses the top of his head. “I've been praying every day for you to get better and look at you! It worked! God does amazing things, doesn't He?”
“So do doctors and modern medicine.”
Nora looks at me with a slight frown. “Who do you think guides them to make the right decisions?”
“Their medical training?”
Nora huffs. “Come on, I know you believe something is there helping us.”
I sigh. I can't deny that. “You're right. I do. But-”
She smiles. “I knew it. See Nugget? Momma believes even if she doesn't want to admit it. God can heal anything, fix any mistake we make, if we repent enough and ask humbly.”
Mistakes, huh? I let that slide. Dom has been sitting there quietly through all of this. I clap my hands towards Heath. “Okay, come to Momma.” I put my arms out, and Heath leans towards me. I take him and lean him over my shoulder, as he likes. “Okay, so we didn't call you here to sit with him today. We actually want to have a conversation.”
Nora takes a step back. “Oh? About what?”
“Well, let me put Heath back in the crib and we can talk outside. Is that okay?”
“You want to leave him by himself?”
“He'll be okay for fifteen minutes.” Dom stands up. “This is pretty important.”
Nora turns towards Dom's voice, like she forgot he was there. “Well... okay.”
After putting Heath down, I lead Nora out of Heath's room, Dom following her, down to the courtyard door. I look outside, it's empty. Good. We go out and pick a table to sit at, Nora across from me and Dom.
“So, what is this all about? Do I need to look for another job?”
“I don't know, Nora, do you?” Dom speaks harsher than I expected.
“I don't understand.” Nora looks back and forth between us, either actually confused or doing a great job of pretending.
“Okay. I'm going to be very blunt, because I don't want any misunderstandings at all. At home in Heath's blanket drawer, I found a bottle of honey. Hidden in the back corner. Neither me nor Dom put it there. We don't use honey. Babies are not supposed to have honey.... because it can cause exactly what Heath is here for. We want to know how it got there.”
Nora looks back and forth between us again, then her face screws up as she tries to hold back crying. “I'm sorry!” A sob escapes. My heart drops, an apology is an admission. “He didn't want his milk one day so I thought I'd make it sweet for him. He liked it. I thought he was old enough... you have no idea how sorry I am.” More sobs, and she wipes her face off. “This wasn't supposed to happen....” Now she's crying so hard she can't talk. Its the second time I heard her say that. It's raising red flags. I take a deep breath to try my best to stay calm as I speak.
“Why didn't you say something weeks ago? You knew the doctor asked about honey!”
“I... I was embarrassed. And scared to admit all of this was my fault. I never wanted him to be so sick. I don't want to lose him- I mean, my job. So, I didn't say anything. Please, you have to believe me, I didn't mean to hurt him, I just thought he was old enough and he'd like it.”
I look at Dom. I don't trust myself to speak without screaming. I don't believe a word she's saying but I can't describe why. Dom crosses his arms, a stern look in his eyes.
“I'd be more likely to believe that if you'd have come clean right away. I thought we had a better working relationship than that.” For a second I wonder how Dom can be so calm, and then I remember he's an actor. I wish I could do it.
“We do! I just...” Another sob. It seems forced now. “I didn't want you to hate me... or fire me. You have to know how much I love that little boy.” Nora seems to be getting control of her emotions, the sobs are going away.
“We know you do. That's why it's so concerning that you kept this from us.”
“I'm so sorry. There isn't a word strong enough to say how much.”
Dom turns to me. We look at each other for a few seconds, a wordless conversation. I nod my head slightly sideways. I'm leaving this up to him. He turns back to Nora.
“Alright. We've heard what you have to say. We'll take some time to think about this and discuss what's next. You can go.”
“Go? What, I can't see him again?”
“I don't think that's a good idea right now.”
Nora takes in a sharp breath, but then nods. “Okay. I understand.”
“Thank you. One of us will call you when we're ready to continue this discussion.”
“That's fine. Before I go, I just want to say... the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt Heath in any way, and I'll do anything I can to make up for this.”
“Noted.” I sound petulant. I don't care.
Nora just nods again, and goes back inside.
Once the door is closed all the way, leaving Dom and I alone in the courtyard, I spin around to him with my hands on my hips.
“You didn't buy any of that, did you?”
Dom shakes his head. “Not one word.”
“The whole thing, the crying, the extreme remorse... it all seemed forced.”
“She's a terrible actor, but she was definitely hiding something else. Trust me. Do you know what I think?”
“Probably the same thing I think, but tell me.”
“I think... she knew damn well what giving honey to a baby could do, and she did it on purpose hoping it would make him sick.”
I nod in agreement. “Exactly. And then she saw how sick he really was. Did you hear her say 'this wasn't supposed to happen'? She said that the first day she saw him in the hospital. I think she had no idea how bad this sickness could get.”
“That's what it seems like. The only thing I don't understand is why.”
“To give her something to do? She's the one who insisted we take him to the ER. She knew. Maybe it was some fucked up way of proving her worth, after we'd bickered so many times.”
“She did say she didn't want to lose him. If we let her go, that's exactly what would happen. It's actually disturbing how attached to Heath she seems to be.”
I cross my arms, having made decision. “We have to fire her, Dom. She could have killed him.” I think of my recent terrible dream and breathe slowly to stop the incoming panic. It works.
“I agree. We also need to talk to the agency. And the doctor recommended calling DCFS, too. Anyone with the capacity to basically poison a baby shouldn't be working in childcare at all.”
“That's something to think about. But right now all I want is for that woman to never touch or look at my son again.” I feel tears coming, angry ones. We trusted her! I knew something was wrong with her and everyone told me I could trust her. I'm not crazy, I was right.
I was right.
“I'm with you on that. Come here.” Dom pulls me into a tight hug.
Maybe now that we've figured out what happened, and I know I wasn't just seeing things or being paranoid, my nerves will get better. We'll get rid of Nora, figure out something else for Heath when we are working. And hopefully this anxiety will go away.