Breakdown 12-21-23
November 12
Atlanta, GA
After Under Attack
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I really hate waiting on these medical fucks backstage. Under Attack was over, and since Asher Hayes went postal on me with a fucking chair, officials insisted on running me through all their protocols. Concussion impact test, poking around my ribs... none of this was necessary, I felt mostly fine. Sore, obviously. And pissed.. But not injured.
Yet, they insisted. So, there I was in a medical room, Tommy with me, the absence of ten pounds of belt more oppressive than I would like.
"Are you sure you feel okay?"
I looked up and glared. "Do you think I'd lie? My back is just sore, not injured. Fuck's sake..."
"Alright, I'm just looking out for you."
I sighed. I shouldn't be snapping at Tommy. "I know. Sorry. I just..." I sighed again.
"Yeah. I know." Tommy put his hands on my shoulders and gently rubbed them as we waited in silence. The medic had only poked my side and back so far and agreed nothing was broken and I didn't need any X-rays. He was looking for the impact test tablet.
The silence gave my mind time to wander. I could have sat there fuming about everything. I came here convinced I was going to climb all over those motherfuckers and end the year as World Champion. Instead, Asher Hayes is leaving with my title. I'll credit him in the fact that he didn't steal it this time... he just beat the fuck out of me to climb over me and take it... after I did the work of taking out the other two fuckos.
I told myself to stop it. I wasn't supposed to be letting myself stew over this. I couldn't let anyone backstage see me upset. Find a good memory, dammit.
I made myself think back to two weeks prior, Halloween. Tommy and I decided to have a sort of informal party at the Starmaker. We just called a few friends and asked them to come have a few drinks with us. We weren't celebrating Halloween, but instead the day my mother told me was my real birthday. There was no way to legally prove it, as she never took me to the ER or any kind of doctor. There's no record of my existence until the day at the park. But, I had no reason to doubt it, because everything else Mom had revealed to me turned out to be true. Like my father. Ray. Wait, no... I made myself change my train of thought again. Halloween... Starmaker...
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October 31st
Santa Barbara
The Starmaker
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It was early evening and a few of our friends were at the club. Thomas was working the bar and Tommy was supposed to be "off" but sometimes he can't help himself. Anyway, I was sitting at a table with Coral, Jada, and Ashley. We invited him to bring his current girlfriend too, but she had to work. So the four of us were just hanging out, having our drinks, joking around.
I looked up and saw Drake walk in. I excused myself from the table and met up with him near the bar, and greeted him with a kiss. Yeah, Tommy was around somewhere, but he doesn't care.
"You made it."
"Of course I did, you asked me to come."
I smirked. "True, you always come when I want you to."
"And occasionally when you don't." Drake smirked back. I laughed. "I can't stay very long, but I have something for you I wanted to give you tonight. Although... I should probably do so in private."
I grinned. "Follow me."
I led Drake to a storage room just past Tommy's office. Not the liquor one, but for other extra shit. Cleaning supplies, napkins, straws, all that kind of stuff. I didn't feel right meeting with Drake in Tommy's office. I closed the door, and turned around to face him. As soon as I did, he grabbed my face with both hands, backed me up against the wall, and kissed me, hard. After a few seconds, he pulled away.
"You want to give me a fuck in here?"
He grinned. "No. Just that. To give you something to think about until we see each other again this weekend."
"You think I don't already think about you?" We don't meet every weekend at his condo near the beach, but we did have plans for this Saturday.
"I'm positive that you do. But, think of it as... a teaser, for the kind of night I intend to have with you." Without letting me answer, he kissed me again, just as hard. I pulled him against me out of instinct. Maybe storage room sex wouldn't be so bad... its not like I'd never fucked in the liquor room, right? Just as I was about to reach lower, Drake pulled completely away from me, and smirked again. "I said what I said. A teaser."
"That's fucking mean. You're lucky I love you." Yeah, we'd both gotten more comfortable saying that over the last few months. Listen, just because I don't tell you about certain things doesn't mean they're not happening.
"Yes... Yes I am." The smirk became a smile, then he kissed me one last time, much gentler. "I'll stay and have a drink or two, but I can't stay all night."
I sighed. "Okay, fine. But hey...." Something popped into my head I'd wanted to ask him and had been putting off. "So, remember I told you about my mom's letter?" Drake nodded. "Did I tell you me and Nate got a test?"
"You did not. Is it true?"
"Yeah. Seems like it."
“How do you feel about that?”
I shook my head. “That's what I want to talk to you about. I don't know.”
“How can I help?”
“I'm not sure about that yet either. But, I'd like to wait until after Under Attack to really focus on this. I need to keep my head in the game. Is that okay?”
“Of course. Just let me know when you're ready.”
I smiled. “Thanks. Now... If you're really only kissing me and not fucking me in here, we should probably get back out there, before I do my best to make you change your mind. You know I'm good at that.”
Drake laughed a little. “Indeed you are. Let's go, then.”
Back at the table, Drake pulled up a chair and Tommy brought another round of drinks before getting a chair for himself too. True to his word, Drake stayed long enough for two drinks then made his exit, reluctantly it seemed. Saturday was days away.
At one point a song Jada liked played. She stood up and asked me to dance with her. I saw that flirtatious look in her eyes. So, that night a few months ago, where she came home with me and Tommy? Yeah... nothing like that had happened since. She'd asked, and I basically said 'not no forever, just not right now.' Look, I had fun, I enjoyed it. But I was still trying to process everything about my family and identity in relation to them. I couldn't handle trying to process and figure out that kind of identity at the same time. One had to be pushed aside, and for the first time in forever, I had chosen to put sex on the back burner. Imagine that. Anyway, when Jada asked me to dance with her, I got up and let her lead me to the dance floor. It was one of my favorites, and it seemed like she remembered that. We were the only ones on the floor and making the best of it. A group at another table started cheering and clapping for us as we got a little closer and naughtier, which only inspired us to go further. Maybe it was the music, or the gin and tonic, or the way Drake got me riled up, or just Jada herself... more likely a combination, but I made a decision there on the dance floor. I was behind Jada, my arms around her waist as we moved in rhythm. I'm an inch or so taller than she is, so I leaned my head down a little bit towards hers so she could hear me.
“Hey doll... remember when you said let you know when I wanted to have some more fun?”
“Yeah...?”
“You still wanna?”
Jada spun around and grabbed my hips. “Are you kidding me right now?”
“No.” I gave her a grin.
“Hell yeah I wanna.” She grinned back.
I leaned over, resting my arms on her shoulders as we kept dancing I glanced back at the table, and Tommy was watching. Good. I made eye contact with him over Jada's shoulder, looked down at her for a moment, then mouthed the words “Can I?” Then tilted my head towards the door. I don't know why I asked, that's not really our thing. Maybe because she was his first? I don't know. Either way, he just smiled and nodded at me. I blew him a kiss and spun Jada around before leading her off the dance floor back to our table. We stayed a little while longer, but the whole time texting each other to make plans, so that no one else at the table would know what we were doing. An hour or so later, she got up first and said she had to get going. Ten minutes after she left, I asked Tommy if he was ready to go, because I was worn out. He said for me to go and he would be home later, as he wanted to check something in his office. All of this hand been planned in under-the-table texts, for show to everyone else. I agreed, kissed him bye... and met Jada at her car parked behind the building. This time we went back to her place...
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Backstage
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I smiled at the memory. It was a very fun night, I had to admit, even though there had been no cock involved. Maybe I liked it more than I thought. It would be fun to keep finding out.
Thinking about that night though reminded me about my question to Drake. I had said I wanted to wait until after tonight to speak with him. I did that thinking that putting it off would help me stay focused on the match and and remain champion. So much for that plan, am I right? I sighed to myself, and Tommy rubbed my shoulders a bit harder. It felt good, but that's not what my sigh was for. I was back to being upset. I had been focused, I trained with ladders, I made myself get over hating to be high from the ground. I was ready, dammit! But Asher... he was just fucking ruthless.
I used to be ruthless.
The medic came back in and as we went through the concussion test bullshit, I started thinking. Maybe I'd gotten too used to the crowds being behind me. Maybe I played into that too much, and I lost my edge. My instinct. My willingness to do anything and everything it took to get what I wanted. I'll just have to get that back, and fast, because one thing I'm sure of is that this is not over. I will not let everything I worked for this year end like this... with Asher Hayes trying to break my ribs to become World Champion. That motherfucker didn't outwrestle me. He didn't pin me.
This isn't over.
I just have to remind everyone that I am still fucking ruthless, too.
ON CAMERA
Let me start this off with two words.
Fuck.
Raab.
You heard me. I promise you I don't mean in the fornication way, but in the go jump off a fucking skyscraper way.
This motherfucker has been a festering splinter under my skin for weeks. Attacking me for no reason other than to drag out a feud that everyone else but him considered dead over a year ago. Getting involved in my matches, costing me wins! He manipulated himself all the way up into a World Championship match at Under Attack, even though he kept screaming that he didn't care about the title. Either he's lying, or SCW is stupid. Knowing both as well as I do... I'm leaning towards Raab lying.
Let's hope that with Under Attack over and the way I took his decrepit ass out, he won't be anywhere near any more title matches. He doesn't want it, remember? Please remember that.
What to know what I'm gonna remember?
Fatal Fortunes.
Listen, I've read the internet, I've seen X, I've heard people talking. It baffles me how even though I've told you who I am from day one, even though I've never once hung my head over anything... there re people out there who think that match I got drawn into somehow embarrassed me.
Embarrassed?
Are you learning impaired?
What part of shameless do you not understand? Nothing and no one can embarrass me. I don't even know what that feels like, I'm positive it's never happened to me once in my entire life. So what the fuck makes anyone think that having a match in a pool of lube would be the first thing to accomplish that?
Do you really think I'm not intimately familiar with lube? Dolls... I probably keep my favorite brand in business all on my own.
Or, wait... did you think getting pinned by Raab would do it? Why? It only took the old man throwing me face first into steel, then drilling the end of that mace into my skull, and then dropping me on my fucking head to keep me down! Let me be the first to tell you.... no one was kicking out of that. I don't give a fuck who you are. But, let me also make this point...
Much like Asher Hayes... Konrad Raab didn't beat me straight up. Did he do anything illegal? No. Did he just use every tool available to him to edge out a win? Yes.
But did he outwrestle me?
Fuck no!
Konrad can't outwrestle me and he fucking knows it! So go ahead. Y'all keep thinking he one-upped me or embarrassed me. If that's what you think, you haven't been paying attention.
Asher Hayes... he didn't one up me, or embarrass me, or even pin me to get the championship he's carrying around, talking about like it's a living thing. Nah, he swung a chair repeatedly until I couldn't move and climbed a ladder. Again... perfectly legal in the match. But still proves nothing.
Asher didn't pin me.
So he can call himself the World Champion if he wants, and SCW can recognize him as such, that's fine. Them's the rules, right? But as far as I'm concerned? That main ain't shit unless and until he can pin me. So Asher... I hope you're listening. I hope you kick Autumn's trifling ass, and I hope you make The One regret her contract choices, and I hope you make quick work of whoever the fans choose to face you at the End of the Year Special. Because after all that is done and the deck is cleared and I come calling for my rematch?
Much like it had to be Selena at Rise to Greatness... when I get the championship back? It has to be you, Asher.
I know I haven't said a damn thing about Breakdown this week and my opponent. That's because my opponent simply doesn't matter. They are a placeholder for the ass I truly want to kick. They are just the unlucky sad sack who gets thrown in front of me like chum when I'm out for blood. Polly? Send her in. She'll be a fucking appetizer for the meal I'm really looking forward to. And once that main course comes along and I'm standing tall, licking my lips... seeing that fire that Asher seems to have in his eyes now just fade away is going to be the sweetest dessert I've ever had.
Polly? Are you ready to be devoured?