Breakdown 6-22-23 #1
June 4
Milwaukee, WI
Taking Hold of the Flame
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I did it.
I fucking did it!
It was me and that microdick Gavin Taylor at the end. It couldn't have been more perfect if I tried. That motherfucker has been a pain in my ass for years, going back to Emerge. The Flame, the title shot, the Rise to Greatness main event... came down to him and me. I saw it in his eyes right before we went at it. He knew. He knew he wasn't walking out of here with everything. It was mine for the taking from the start and I fucking took it. Gavin's head bounced off the ringpost shortly before his body bounced onto the floor. Almost everything after that was noise.
The bell. The pyro. The crowd.
One thing that stuck in my head as I made my way up the ramp and to the back – there were people cheering. For me. Happy that I won. Not the whole crowd, not even half. But I heard them. Was this arena filled with people who wrote my name in on the End of the Year ballot? Did they detest Gavin Taylor so much that I was the better option? Were they fans of my recently leaked video? I didn't understand it, I'd never heard so many people cheering me before.
All of that was suddenly irrelevant though once I turned the corner towards my locker room and was greeted by the only cheering that matters. Tommy ran up to me, yelling, getting stares. What, you thought he stayed home on the biggest night of my career?
“Yeeeeessssssss!!” He grabbed me in a hug and picked me up, and spun me around once before putting me back down. In the back of my mind I was impressed; I'm not a small woman and his shoulder wasn't at full strength yet. After setting me back on my feet, he grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. I was out of breath, heart still racing from the match and the crowd, and his intensity still found a way to steal what was left of my breath. He pulled away, smiling.
“You did it.”
“I did it.”
He hugged me again, then started moving us towards the locker room, one arm still around my waist. The door wasn't far and as soon as we were inside, Tommy shut the door, then spun me around and against the wall.
“I can't wait for you to get your energy back, cause this is gonna be an all night celebration.” As he kissed me again, I wondered if I should bother to shower, since I'd apparently just be getting sweaty all over again once we got back to our hotel.
“Baby...” Tommy backed off a little, looking at me curiously. “You have to let me breathe.”
He laughed, and stepped back. “Right... sorry. I'm just... fucking beside myself right now. This is everything, babe. All you went through. Your knee, the setback from that infernal accident, rehab, coming back... all the bullshit around here. Even that motherfucker and his hidden camera. This... this, makes all of that worth it. You're getting your due, and you fucking earned it. I'm so proud of you!” He couldn't help himself and pulled me into another hug. I wrapped my arms around him, letting him just hold me tight. Everything he just said? I hadn't really had the chance yet to consider all of that, and the weight of it hit me hard. Before I knew what was happening, I was crying into his chest. But it didn't feel... gross, like I usually felt on the rare occasion I allowed this to happen. It wasn't a negative emotion. It was... relief. No one could say anymore that I didn't deserve the World Championship shot I've been trying to reclaim since I came back six months ago. No one could say I didn't earn my place. All of the pressure I had put on myself since the End of the Year show to get to this point, where it was certain I was getting my shot, had just dissipated.
Tommy rubbed my back, I knew he could tell what I was doing. I took a few deep breaths to get my shit together. Good reason or not, I still hated crying. It makes my face ugly and puffy. I pulled back gently, and he let me go. I rubbed my face with both hands, and let out a... I don't know what to call it. A noise? “Ugggghhhh!”
“You good?”
“Yeah... yeah I'm good.”
“Didn't mean to set you off like that, I'm just so damn ecstatic for you.”
“You might be more excited than I am.”
“You'll get there, once everything really settles in.”
“Maybe after I shower. I have Taylor all over me.” I made a face. Tommy laughed.
“Didn't stop me from being all over you... but you actually should get cleaned up quickly if you want to watch the main event. Gotta find out who you're facing.”
He had a point. I went to the showers and scrubbed up quickly, my hair still dripping as I got dressed into black tights and an AnteUp t-shirt. We found a spot near production, away from gorilla but still with a good view of the ring, and had only missed the first few minutes of Adam versus Selena. We watched in silence until the very end. Tommy glared when Xander walked out, I held my breath. The world knew what I wanted to see happen in this match, and I didn't want anything to fuck it up. Then Xander backed off.... and I got what I wanted.
Selena fucking Frost.
“Perfect.”
“This is exactly what you wanted.”
I just nod as we watch the official hand Selena the belt. The crowd then surprises me again... some are booing her.
“Do you think everyone booing her are the same ones who were cheering me?”
“Highly likely.”
I turn away from the curtain we were peeking through and face Tommy. “Remember when you said the full excitement would hit me eventually?” He nodded. “I'm there.” I smiled wide.
“Oh yeah?”
“I'm going to Rise to Greatness, to fight Selena Frost for the World Championship. This is bigger than the match I had to cancel. It's fucking Rise. To. Greatness. That belt is going to be mine at the biggest show of the year. And it'll be at her expense. There is nothing better than that.”
“Nothing at all?” Tommy smirked as he pulled me close, up against him.
“Well... nothing in wrestling.” Although... the idea of pinning Selena in the Rise to Greatness main event to take away her precious... was arousing. “We should go before traffic out of here gets wild.”
“Agreed. Good thing your bag is already packed.”
We hurried back to the locker room, grabbed my bag, and was out the talent exit before more than a dozen fans had left the building. If I was more of a fan-friendly type, I would have hung around the back of the building to take pictures and sign shit. Maybe another night. All I wanted to do was get to the hotel, order something alcoholic from room service, and celebrate all night long.
On the ride back to the hotel, I finally checked my phone. I had about a dozen notifications, but only one was important enough for me to open and read at that moment – from Drake.
[Never had a doubt. That championship is yours.]
I smiled as I replied.
[Fucking right it is.]
June 5
Santa Barbara
Valentine Home
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We got home in the afternoon, given that we had a late start to the morning. I was worn out in several ways. I had made myself comfortable on the couch, with a pillow and blanket, while Tommy was in the den, which he had recently turned into something of a home office. He still had someone, or people, on the case trying to find the man who recorded our one-night stand then sold it to a dirt sheet. As far as I could tell, they hadn't got very far yet.
I didn't even have the TV on for background noise, I just wanted quiet while I tried to relax and maybe have a little nap. But that wasn't in the cards. I had been comfy with my eyes closed for maybe ten minutes when my phone rang. Shit. I had thought about turning it off for the afternoon, but I couldn't make myself do it, not with Gail knocking on death's door. I groaned as I reached for my phone, and saw it was Coral.
“Hey sis.”
“Hey yourself, Miss Thang!”
I laughed. “Take it you saw last night.”
“Uh, yeah! Didn't you see the texts I sent you that were incomprehensible random letters cause I couldn't type actual words?”
“Is that what that was? I thought you butt texted me.”
Coral laughed. “My ass isn't that talented.”
“I did see them though, I just had so much going on that I didn't really answer anyone. Not even my brother.” Nate. I would have to call him later, too.
“I figured. That's why I waited so late to call you, I figured you were getting settled and relaxing.”
“I was trying to take a nap... but it's fine. How's Mom?” In the few days since I saw Gail in the hospital, I had taken to putting her name aside in favor of Mom. It didn't feel as strange as I thought it would, and it was one more thing I kicked myself for not having done sooner, just out of some sense of spite or fear of being uncomfortable.
“She's doing good today. She watched your show with me and she's been in a great mood since. The hospice nurse lost it when she realized you're Mom's daughter.” There wasn't anything else the hospital could do for Gail, so they sent her home and set up hospice service. A nurse went twice a day to check on her. When things get worse, a nurse would be there all day.
“I'll have to go by there soon and meet her.”
“Oh God, she'd love that. Big fan. I think she's gay.” Coral laughed.
“That'll be fun.” I laughed, too. “Maybe in a few days. I'm still worn the fuck out.”
“I just bet you are. You can come anytime, no need to call. I'm pretty much living here now until... well.” Until she didn't have to.
“Right. Okay, we'll do that soon. So hey, I just thought of this... did you call Sydney and Uncle Corey?”
Silence. Then... “Shhhit!”
“Okay. I'll call Syd later.”
“Thanks. Um... you should probably tell them to come.”
“Yeah, I was gonna.”
“Okay. Anyway... I called to say congrats while Mom napped. I'll let you get back to your nap.”
“That's the best congrats gift. Tell Mom hi for me and I'll see her soon.”
“Sure will. See ya.”
Coral ended the call. I yawned as I put the phone down on my stomach. Why had I volunteered to call Sydney? I was the one who led to she and Corey finding out Gail – or Carla, as they knew her – was still alive. Now I had to tell them she would soon be dead. But I couldn't not tell them. Fuck it. I might as well get it over with. I picked up my phone and tapped Sydney's name.
“Kandis! Hey! I was just thinking about calling you, but figured you'd be busy.”
“I'm the least busy I can possibly be without being asleep.”
Sydney laughed. “Sleeping is busy, in my book. Anyway! I didn't see your show cause I was working, but I read about it this morning, you're badass!”
“Thanks. There should be a replay if you want to watch it.”
“Oh yeah? I'll check that out.”
“Great. So um... I actually called for something else.”
“Oh?”
Sydney was so positive and bubbly most of the time, I really didn't want to bring her down like this. It was bad enough when Uncle Corey, her father, called a few months ago and told her about his work accident. He messed up his back and needed her to go home to help him out. Sydney loved her makeup artist job at the studio here, but she dropped everything to be at her dad's side. Her girlfriend had moved with her at least, so she hadn't left everything behind. But it was still hard on her. It had just been in the last two or three months that she sounded like herself again when I talked to her. And I was about to shatter that.
“So, I'm sure you remember when I told you about Gail and her cancer?”
“How could I forget? I still can't believe she won't do chemo. Wait....”
“Yeah.... she, uh... got worse recently. Like, a lot. Last week she was in the hospital.”
“Oh no... is she....”
“She's alive. For now. They said it wouldn't be much longer though. They sent her home and have nurses going by every day.”
“Oh my God.... this was so fast!”
“That's what happens when you do no treatments at all. Both me and Coral tried to convince her, but...”
“I'm so sorry, K.” Sydney was the only person who ever called me that, and I just let it go.
“Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I had to give you the news. Should I talk to your dad, or?”
“No... no. You'd better let me do that.”
“Okay. When you do, tell him you guys need to come out here as soon as you can. There's not much time. Between you and me... sorry to be blunt but she looks already half-dead.”
I heard Sydney gasp. Maybe I went too far. “I know what you mean. I remember my grandma being that way right before she died. I'll tell him, but I don't know if he can make the trip. He has ruptured discs and he can't sit in a car very long, and forget about flying, the way those seats are. It would take us days to drive out there.”
I had already thought of the solution before she finished talking. “You don't have to drive. Tommy has a private plane. We'll come get you. The seats are nothing like the shit on commercial planes. He'd be comfortable.”
“You would do that? I mean... he would do that for us?”
“Of course! You're family, Syd.” I hadn't asked yet since I only just thought of it, but I knew Tommy would agree. I know my husband.
“Well... if you're sure... I'll tell him the offer. I'm actually not home right now, but I'll speak to him when I get back, and let you know.”
“Sydney. Soon. You understand?”
She sighed slow, yet hard. “Yeah. Yeah, I hear you. I'll try to call you back later tonight.”
“Okay, good. Coral really wants to see you.”
“I'd love to see her, too.” There was a brief pause, that I didn't have time to say anything before Sydney did. “Kandis... are you okay?”
“I'm... um...” I sighed. Sydney was one of very few people I could be real with. “No, not really. But what can I do, you know?”
“I know how you are. You have family and friends out there. Let them help you. Don't shut them out.”
“I'm trying.”
“Kandis.”
“Honestly, I am.” After my moment of self-realization at Gail's bedside last week, or whenever it was, where it hit me that I was playing far too many games for the short time we actually have on this planet... I had made a conscious decision and effort to stop hiding behind my usual shit, stop using vices to bury whatever feelings I didn't want to feel... and try to crack open that one door I had been repeatedly slamming every time a tendril of what was behind it slipped out.
“I'm happy to hear that. You can tell me about it once I'm there. I'm pretty sure I can convince Dad to come.”
“I hope so. And I'll tell you everything, I promise.”
“Deal.” I heard some noise in the background, a voice. Probably her girlfriend. “I gotta go, but I'll call you tonight after I talk to Dad.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Thanks for calling. I know it was hard for you.”
After ending the call, I laid back again, phone on my stomach like before, and closed my eyes.
Fuck.
This wasn't working. I got up and went to the kitchen, and grabbed a beer. For someone who was on top of the fucking world last night, I sure felt like shit now.