Retrubution 2023
March 17
West Hollywood
Gail McCarthy's house
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It was the Friday before Retribution, and my biological mother, Gail McCarthy, had invited me and my sister Coral to her house for lunch. This had been a normal thing every few weeks for a few months now, since all three of us got our shit together and started acting like a family, even if it's a weird one. There didn't seem to be anything different or unusual about this lunch, other than the fact it had been longer than usual since we'd had one. I've been busy with Ante Up, the club, SCW, and keeping m husband happy. Not to mention my extracurricular activities. Coral had gotten a better job, moving from a salon that got contracted to do hair and makeup for movies on occasion, to working for an actual studio. It wasn't the same one where our cousin Sydney worked as an esthetician, that would ave been cool. So, she'd been pretty busy too, as she's currently working on some TV show for Netflix. She told me the name of it but I don't remember. Whole point is... I hadn't actually seen either Coral or Gail in over a month.
Coral and I pulled up in Gail's driveway at the same time. We hugged, then went to the door. Coral knocked. She has a key but she only uses it when necessary. When Gail opened the door, my first thought was, “holy shit, she looks terrible, is she sick?” But I wasn't gonna be rude and say that. I don't always look my best, either.
Gail hugged us both, and it seemed to me like she'd lost some weight. Like... more than would be healthy to lose in a little over a month. Maybe something was wrong. Still, I didn't feel it was my place to ask, she might have given birth to me, but I don't have that kind of relationship with her. We're still very much working on what it means for us.
Once in the eat-in kitchen at the table, I noticed there was nothing on the stove. Every time since we started this lunch tradition, Gail had something cooked for lunch when we arrived. It wasn't always something hot, we'd have salads or sandwiches sometimes, but there was nothing. As we sat, Gail noticed both Coral and I looking around at the lack of lunch.
“I hope you girls don't mind, I wasn't up to preparing anything today, so I called for lunch to be delivered. How does Chinese sound?”
Coral and I exchanged a look. She replied first. “Sounds great to me, Mom.”
“Yeah, I love Chinese. What dishes did you get?”
“Oh, a few light things. Beef lo mien, egg drop soup, and moo goo gai pan.”
“All of my favorites.” I smiled. Gail waved her hand at me.
“You're just saying that.”
“Am not! Okay, sometimes I prefer the hot and sour, but egg drop is better for lunch.”
“Okay, I believe you.” Gail laughed.
We made small talk for a few minutes until Door Dash arrived with the food. All three of us unpacked the bags, I grabbed plates and bowls, and we served ourselves. While eating, we caught up with each other. Coral told us about the TV show she was working on, how the lead actress was a bitch. And Gail told us a nice story from the homeless shelter she still works at, how a father and son who were both homeless and had been estranged for a few years happened to come into the shelter on the same night. And I told them about Tommy's progress on the old car I bought him for his birthday, and an overview of SCW things, including my match in a few days.
When we were done eating, Coral and I cleared the table. When we sat back down, Gail had a strange look on her face.
“Girls... my girls. I know I've said this so many times, but I really wish I could have raised you together.”
“Mom....”
“Look, you did what you had to do. I've come to accept how I grew up, it made me into the person I am. I used to hate that person, but I think I'm in love with her now.”
Coral laughed. Gail smiled, and reached across the table to grab my hand. “That makes me so happy to hear. All I wanted for you – both of you – was the best I could possibly do. I wasn't perfect, far from it. I just hope you both understand that everything I did was out of love.”
Coral glanced at me, then back at Gail, confused. “Mom.... why are you talking about this right now? We've been over this ad nauseum. We know, and we love you.”
“We do. You don't have to do this to yourself.”
Gail took a deep breath, pulling her hand back from mine to push her glasses up and wipe at an eye. “Girls. This isn't just a regular lunch date. I have something to tell you. It's not easy, because it's not good.”
I turned to Coral, but she was just staring at Gail, I could tell she was scared. “Mom? What is it?”
“Well, I should explain a little first. A few weeks ago, after the last time we met, I started having strange stomach pains. At first I thought I just ate something that disagreed with me, but it didn't go away. I also had.... well, a few unmentionable symptoms. And as I'm sure you can tell, I've also lost weight, too much too fast.” I nodded, so did Coral. So she had noticed, too. “I went to the doctor. They ran about a dozen tests. And the result is... pancreatic cancer.”
“Mom! No!” Coral looked about ready to cry. Me? Too stunned to react.
“I'm afraid so, sweet. I have all of the paperwork and results if you want to look at it.”
“I don't! This can't be real!” Coral was crying now. I put a hand on her shoulder.
“It is. I'm sorry. I didn't know any other way to tell you than to be blunt.”
“When did you find this out?” I found it strange that that was the first thing I thought to ask.
“Last week. It took me a bit to process, and then to decide what to do.”
Coral leaned over on the table, palms down, incredulous through her watery eyes. “What to do? What does that mean? You treat it, that's what you do! There's surgery for this, chemo-”
Gail shook her head, causing Coral to stop. “No. It's Stage Four. Inoperable. There's nothing to be done.”
“What about chemo, though? That would at least give you-”
“More sickness and pain than I already have, just to suffer a few extra months.”
Hold the fuck on. “Wait. You're not going through treatment?”
“No. That is what I've decided.”
“Mom! You can't be fucking serious! You're just going to sit back and... and... die?” I had the same thought, but Coral had the words to say it, I just couldn't process.
“We all die, Coral. I'm choosing to do it on my terms.”
“So we don't get a say?”
“Over my life and my body? No. You don't.”
“But Gail.... Mom.....” I hadn't called her that to her face more than a handful of times, but this deserved it. She gave me a smile as I said it. “You can't just give up. The most important thing I learned from the way I grew up was, never give up.”
“I understand what you're saying, Kandis. I really do. But I need you, both of you, to understand this from my side. For most of my life, I've had choices taken away from me. Leaving home due to an abusive partner. Becoming homeless. Being... well, assaulted.” I was a rape baby. I try to forget that. “My one friend on the streets dying in her sleep. The-”
“You did make the decision that saved my life.”
“Yes, I did. But at the time I felt as if I had no other choice to keep your alive. After that, I wasn't allowed to see you for years. Then, Coral... your father...” They both shook their heads. He was a huge asshole from what Coral told me. “I've made very few real choices in my life. I am going to be the one that decides how I die. And I won't do it skinny, weak, immuno-compromised, and bald. I'm going to enjoy what time I have left.”
Coral sat back in her chair, just shaking her head, wiping tears away. I just felt numb.
“And how long is that, exactly?”
“My doctor says anywhere between three and six months is average, but some people in my situation have made it a year.”
“That's not enough.” Coral's voice was squeaky.
“It is for me. I'll have pain medication, and things to treat some of the other symptoms. But this is what I want. I need you to please accept and respect my choice.”
Coral sobbed, I could tell she was trying to hold it back. I wondered if she thought something was wrong with me because I wasn't crying, too. For that matter, so did I. I just had no idea how to react. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. Coral took a few deep breaths, then nodded.
“Okay. If that's what you really want Mom, then of course I'll support you. I don't like it... but it's not my call.”
Coral turned to me. Gail looked at me expectantly. I realized they were both waiting for me to say something.
“I.... I can't do that. I can't do this.”
I got up and raced to my car outside. I heard both Coral and Gail calling my name, but I ignored them. I can't remember clicking the seatbelt or starting the engine or pulling out of the driveway. All of a sudden I was on the highway, speeding back towards Santa Barbara. I heard my phone going off but I turned it off.
What the fuck was I supposed to do now? I spent most of my life believing my real mother was dead. I finally learned the truth, that she wasn't. That she was responsible for my survival, she always asked about me, she kept up with me once she was allowed to know things. I'd known her for a few years as my mother's friend who 'found' me, but I'd only really known her, as who she really was, for about a year or so. And now, soon, she would be dead for real.
What do I do? What do I do?!
I drove.
Pulling up at the Starmaker, I saw Tommy's car. The club wasn't open yet, he and Jada and Thomas were there too, getting prepped for the night. I sat in my SUV for a while, debating if I would even go in. They would see my face, they would ask what's wrong. And I didn't know if I could answer.
Fuck it.
I went inside, right up to Tommy at the bar, and asked for tequila.
ON CAMERA
You are one dumb motherfucker, do you know that, Simon?
We open to Kandis standing in the middle of an Ante Up training ring, dressed in tight shorts, a halter sports top, and her wrestling boots, all black. Her hair is piled up on top of her head in a messy bun, it's clear she has either just been training, or is about to start. With both hands on her voluptuous hips, Kandis glares hard.
I mean, you're a smart guy as far the business goes. Veteran of over twenty years. World acclaimed Tag Team specialist. Believe it or not, I have a lot of respect for that. I've studied more than a little of your tape, some of the greatest Tag matches in this entire business involved you. Being as invested in tag wrestling as I am, I would never try take that away from you. In this ring? You're a motherfucking genius.
But. And this is a big but. That was a long time ago. You knew that, you knew your in-ring days were done. You retired on your own terms and carved out a comfy spot for yourself alongside Jonathan Knots and Adam Sharper. That, too, was pretty damn smart. Problem is... when it comes to yourself personally, Simon? You're the dumbest smart person I know.
Kandis shakes her head, and a strand of hair comes loose. She doesn't seem to notice.
I can't think of anyone else doing as much stupid shit as you. Let's go over this, huh? You think you were just doing your job at that commentary table, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing in your job description requiring you to talk shit about people in the ring. Go over strengths and weaknesses, sure. I have both just like anyone else. Repeat facts, things that happened in matches and results? Of course. I know I don't have a perfect record, no one does. Does that matter to you?
Kandis laughs sarcastically.
Nah, you had to throw in your little cheap shots. You think I don't watch my matches back to learn from them? You think I didn't hear your speculation about the information I got from Jenni Anderson about the End of the Year vote? You acted like my getting pissy with you at Body, Heart, and Soul was just over the fact you said that I would have lost anyway if I had my title shot. That was just the spark that lit the pile of shit you've been spewing for weeks. So yes, I shoved you, yes I grabbed a chair and I was gonna shut you up one way or another. You're supposed to be a professional, Simon. You're not supposed to project your personal feelings so much. Even Jon Knots sitting next to you holds back when anything about his ex-wife comes up.
But you?
You have no restraint, Simon. You just couldn't wait to yell in my face that you think I would lose a World Championship match. You can argue that I provoked you when I shoved you, and yeah... I'll own that. But then.... you not only pushed back....
Kandis leans in closer to the camera, her glare now a furious scowl.
….you fucking kicked me in the face!
Just one more thing proving how stupid you are. Do you have any idea what you started, by kicking a master striker?
If you don't, let me explain. You may have come out of retirement to face me, but you'll be going right back to it, and this time, you won't need a cane.... you'll need a wheelchair.
Kandis laughs maliciously, a smirk that can only be described as evil.
I am going to turn you into the prime example of 'fuck around and find out.'
I'm not gonna stand here and try to convince anyone that you're half-invalid, because everyone knows that just isn't true. You might keep that cane around as a prop or as some mental crutch, but I know you're active. I know where you work, helping Chastaine train at her Academy. I've even met one or two students who came to Ante Up from BlackOut and had nothing but great things to say about all of you there. Kinda made a little sick, to be honest, but it just proves what I'm saying. Simon Lyman isn't an invalid, or disabled, or any other word you want to use for it. You just wanted everyone to think you were, to get the big pop when you decided to pull something like you did on me.
Here's the thing. I see through you, doll. You put on a front of being this... benevolent old man, retired, past his prime but knows more about the business than most people have forgotten. But that's not who you really are. If you were, then you would have taken your licks like a man, stood up and apologized for the way you spoke to me. But everyone knows that's not what happened. The world saw me shove you and you kick me, but that's the superficial part.
I'll tell you what happened, Simon. You think that because of your reputation, your so-called legendary status in this business, that you can talk about and to people any kind of way you want. Talk shit, provoke their anger. I mean, a year ago when that young kid who turned out to be your son was still here, everyone knew he had a temper. There were stories of it. I was backstage with him, I saw it myself. That didn't bother you though, you kept needling him and provoking him until he pushed back, literally! Then you did your usual bullshit, you played the victim. Let's make this real clear, okay? Spencer Pryce didn't get himself fired, you got him fired. Your own son.... that you claimed you wanted to make good with.
Kandis shakes her head again, rolling her eyes.
That's not exactly a glowing example of the nice-guy act you want everyone to fall for, now is it?
Maybe you wanted an excuse to get back in the ring. Maybe you saw how pissed I was and decided to shoot your shot, knowing I'd retaliate when I heard the shit you were talking. Other people might be mad about being used that way, but not me. Oh no.... I'm looking forward to this.
You want to use me as the way to get your foot back in the door and try to pull off some miracle comeback? You think that just because you've been helping some rookies train for a few years that you can hang in the ring with me? I shouldn't have to tell you this, but training and sparring while teaching is a very, very different animal from getting into the ring with someone who wants to knock your skull into your brain. I know all about it, I teach striking at Ante Up. You may be active but you haven't had a real match, where someone is actually trying to overpower and beat you, in years. Yet here you are, trying to use me... me! As a catapult throwing you back into regular action. You think doing this is going to endear you even more to your fans? You think this is going to put you on an even higher pedestal than this business has you on already?
I don't fucking think so.
You picked the wrong bitch to fuck with. Taking me by surprise with a superkick out of nowhere gave you a good moment. You got one over on me, I'll give you that. I sure the fuck didn't expect you to strike back. I also didn't expect you to get in my face and literally ask to fight me for real. You do realize what I can do to people who piss me off, right? I don't think I need to go down the list of people I've injured or retired, you're a student of the game. You already know. Yet here we are.
Kandis sets her hands on her hips again, head tilted cockily.
You proving your stupidity to the world fucking around. And me? Well... I promise you Simon, you're gonna find out that you made a mistake, and you should have kept your phony ass behind the announcers table. Don't worry though, I'll make sure that you have no other choice but to sit back down and put those headphones back on. Maybe this time... you'll learn to watch your fucking mouth.
Moving into a fighting stance with her arms up and hands in fists, Kandis scowls into the camera for a second, then launches a spinning heel kick, hitting the camera and causing some pixelation before going to black.